a bit sad re parents evening and "levels"

[severnofnine]

a bit of an AIBU but I'm not brave enough to post there.

So DS1 I think is bright ( but so is everyone dc i guess). WE saw the teacher and he is " gaining levels as expected" and isnt it great that he achieving " what he should be" and "average".

I found the whole thing so sad. Lots of positives- always enthusiastic and works well independently. and lots of emphasis of - "isnt it great that he is gaining levels as expected".

He says school is "ok"- lots of spelling tests which he hates. he is quite quiet and very "well behaved" ( unlike his brothers), which is I think his teachers are finding him enthusiastic as he wouldnt dream of actually showing he was bored at school.

I'm not a pushy parent at all and am quite relaxed.
But even so I found the whole emphasis on average and gaining levels as we would hope etc kind of depressing.

and dont suggest private school as we really cant afford it :(

mrz, are the criteria for the individual levels published anywhere? So far I've only been able to find vague discussions of KS1 & KS2 on the Department of Education website.

We get told very little at parents' evening. Nothing that ever makes it worthwhile to have attended and we probably will give the summer one a miss altogether. We currently have three parents' evenings a year wher we learn very little. Ds's next school do one parents' evening midway through the year and give you class positions, test results etc so you know exactly how your child is doing both individually and in comparision with their peers.

Class positions?

"class positions" wow.

In my experience you have to be very good at reading very small print upside down very quicky to find that out!

yes learnandsay they are published

Class positions??!!

It was bad enough seeing DS's name in the 'red' column on the teacher's list as having fallen back a level! What are class positions for anyway and what good would it do to publish them?!

It would give pushy parents something else to brag about MrsArchie but not much else

DS's teacher had a bit of paper to one side with levels on but she unsportingly kept it covered with more paper which she only partially lifted.

I used to be a civil servant and dp used to be a merchant banker- our upside down small print reading skills are honed to perfection!

I never have that kind of paperwork on the table

Spoil-sport!

mrz, can you post a link to them?

<a class="break-all" href="http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20110202093118/nationalstrategies.standards.dcsf.gov.uk/node/18820" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20110202093118/nationalstrategies.standards.dcsf.gov.uk/node/18820

Marvellous, thanks.

I really wish teachers wouldn't used the word "average" to describe a child. No parent ever thinks their own child is average.

I was told DD is below average academically (I already knew, she's dyslexic) but also that she is articulate, imaginative and passionate, and it was somehow less painful than being told last year DS is average at everything (he certainly isn't average in lots of areas, just a shame his teacher couldn't see it!)

I also wish teachers would never use the phrase "one of 30". We have been fortunate enough to have some teachers who have made me feel (and other parents) that my child is the most important to them. I know they are one of 30, and the teacher can't be dealing with every child all the time, but to me they are special. And never average.

OP, I sort of see what you are getting at, average sounds a little dull and non descript but I am sure your DS has talents that you could work on with him (art, music, sport etc...) to increase confidence and make him stand apart from other average kids.

I am a bit as to why you describe this as depressing though. My DS1 is in year 6 and is still only managing to work within a level 3 across the board. To be told he was achieving at an average level would be very welcome news. I think you should spend some time on the SEN boards and gain a bit of perspective ( I mean that in a nice way, not having a go but it is easy to get caught up in the whole competitive parenting thing, in RL and on MN). Most people are 'average' and most of them will do just fine in the long run.

hear hear, I actually read here that "average" is heartbreaking?

Not speaking at 5 is not even"heartbreaking" to me....

(well it is a bit but please dont go getting heartbroken over your child performing "as expected" it really could be worse)

(meant in a nice way so don't flame me)

I just think it's a shame that the word "average" has developed negative connotations. It's like "satisfactory".

If you aim for the average where do you end up when you fail to attain it?

That's bacause average doesn't mean anything. As someone pointed out before, the distribution of children according to their level is a bell. Most children are 'average' that's how it's suppose to work.
Saying a child is average doesn't tell a lot except that they are where you would hope them to be 'in average'.

Thing is, if they were in a different country with the level, thery might be not so average (either over or under the average).
And it doesn't say if the child is still progressing, having some difficulty in one specific area etc...

Fanjo, at 5yo my child language skill was such that the teacher could not understand him. Nearly a year later (so at 6yo), she was OK but any new TA was still struggling.
But even with this background, I would never criticized anyone who is 'heartbroken' because they are told their dc is 'average' because to me it doesn't say anything else except 'he is Ok, doing as well as we expect the average child to do so no need to talk anymore about him/her'.
Personnally, I found it hard to hear that my now 7yo is 'average' in reading and writing because it dismisses entirely the work and the effort that he had put to go from a time when he couldn't read a word to now.

Cortina, I am with you.

I have not mentioned the flip side of the coin.

So I have one DS who is supposedly G&T and super bright, who is treated as such and I am curious to see if he will slowly level out or stay there...The teacher would see it as her personal failure if he levels out, and she is very determined to get him up to the highest possible level. I think he is "normal" but just hard working.

My other DS, however, was already written off aged 6.

He did badly at his SATs (2 years behind where he should be), and was predicted not to even get a L4 by Y6. So they just put him in with the year below (unofficially though, so he was technically still in Y3, though spending the day in the Y2 class room).

Instead of 15 spellings, he got 5. he liked that. obviously this means the gap between him and his peers would get bigger. When he started doing well at maths, when his brains sort of switched on by age 7/8, the teacher kept him in the bottom group (where he "belongs") as she thought it was a fluke or a blip.

I cannot believe how different the teachers' expectations for my 2 boys were (are) and how it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

very alarming really.

If only I had known, I would have spent LOADS more time with the older DS in KS1 to teach him to read and write so he would have the advantage of being considered "bright". I am from a country where kids don't really learn to read and write until age 6/7 so I got stressed about the whole thing when it was too late (way after SATs) and apparently the die had been cast!

Peppaisback..i said I said it in a nice way ie to cheer the OP up and show her things could be worse. I wasn't actually criticising.

i even made a point of saying that.

but forgot, I am not allowed to have an opinion on these subjects, should have kept mouth shut