Feeling very low - Will my little girl ever be able to read?

[KMRRmum]

My daughter is in her first year at school (4 not 5 until May)and she is making no progress in her letter sounds and reading. Those that she knows today she will have forgotten tomorrow. I was suprised at this as she talked very early and is very articulate with great vocabulary.I spoke to her teacher several weeks ago but she didn't know if she had a problem or she just couldn't be bothered! I asked her if there was anything i should be doing but she just said keep doing her sounds. My daughter is quite feisty and the teacher says that she is disengaged in class, sometimes challenges her, fidgets with things and she doesnt put her hand up! I just feel that everything she does is wrong .

I have come away feeling so upset. I know its stupid but i have cried every night since finding this out and my mood has become very low. Ifeel that I have failed my daughter in some way! I also feel very defensive now of her when I am at school.

Could anyone recommend some things for me to do so that I can help my daughter. Does she have some sort of problem that I'm not aware of? I just feel she has been written off at the age of 4!

Sad, starting DC later would often save a lot of worry. Extra support after school for a 4 year old just sounds wrong.

Isn't extra support after school known as parenting?

learnandsay - no, if a 4 year old is not interested in reading then they shouldn't be made to.

After 4 year olds have been to school for 6 hours parents should let them and support them in what they enjoy, chat, eat together, relax, wash them, read to them, love them and take them to be so that they get a good night's sleep.

Sounds like pretty normal 4 year behaviour to me. When my June born DD started school in the January when she was 4, she was one of the only ones unable to read and was put on a table with kids with special needs. I was actually told by the head that I just had to accept that she would always be backward. In September we changed to a new school and she was reading fluently in a few weeks. BTW she is now at a super selective.

I would keep an eye on it though. DD2 is dyslexic. I found she loved stories and I tried to teach her to read at age 4 but she was always very reluctant to learn to read herself because she just couldn't do it. Maybe have a word with the Senco if you are worried, the class teacher sounds rather unhelpful.

OP
DS refused to read until nearly in year 2
he is now in top sets year 7 (BIG school)
every child develops at their own rate
enjoy being able to read adult stuff without being asked what inappropriate words mean!

DS (Y2) has been on Turquoise level books for ages now, I think purple is average for Y2 - so, just about average.

But, although he enjoyed the jolly phonics songs in R he refused to read ... for ages ... I make him read his school books now, but he will not read otherwise, e.g. there was a message on the computer yesterday about webpage stopped working and he screemed for me to help him. I told him to read the message, he did and then he was fine but he will not attempt to read. I am sure it will click for him at some point.

DS will soon be 7 - so I wouldn't worry too much with your 4 year old. At that age they are still on their 'nappy curriculum' and learn best through play and self-choosen activities. And if your DD is not choosing to read at the moment I am sure she will do soon.

However, although I think its too soon to worry, I would observe the situation.

You're her mum, you love her and you're going to want to do the best for her, it's upsetting if you feel that the teacher doesn't know the real nature of your child. You can only do your best to help the teacher to understand her and to make sure that your little one is as happy as she can be in and out of school. At that age there's so much for a child to learn (new parents and NQTs too), playing, socialising..... if happiness for her and for you is your goal not the pressure to demonstrate learning at the currently perceived rate, I think you'll get a far more accurate view of her innate ability to retain information, being strained is not healthy for either of you and she'll pick up on your state of mind.

You asked for suggestions; when you collect her, ask her about her day, friends, lunch... whether she'd like to have a friend over for tea....Enjoy a variety of activities: sing together, run around the park, go swimming, make her laugh.
Always (with no expectations) share a picture book that she chooses before bed (making sure that you pass your finger under each word as you read it). Children love repetition but when you need to, borrow fresh ones from school, the local library or go to a children's bookshop. In time you can gradually reintroduce phonics, but really that's what you'll have been doing every night.

Overall my advice as a mum to a 14 year old son (who's an avid reader) and as a children's librarian is to relax and have as much fun together as you can, before you know it, they grow up and leave home! :-)

KARRmum I am not a child expert but I am sure there must be at least a way to motive every child. My dd2 was the same when she was in reception last year. I was a bit like you too. Her birthday is also in summer. Dd was give an IEP around Easter Holiday. I got an old fashion nursery rhyme book. We had the book in front of us and sing the songs together word by word every evening. After she became very familiar with the songs then I started playing word hutting games with her. For example I would ask dd to point out the words ?sheep? or ?rose? etc. So dd had to pay attention to each word in the songs in order to find the word/s. I worked with dd through out summer holiday everyday. Then by the Sept in year one when school started again she caught up with her reading and now she is very good with her writing. I used to worry that she would never get anywhere. Have faith in you dc.

Have you had her eyes tested?

My jaw is on the floor reading this thread. Are 4yr olds really expected to learn to read in UK? Am amazed. We live outside the UK. My 6yr old has only just started to show an interest in reading. I am very proud of her efforts. I can't imagine spending the last 2 years fretting about her not reading. She was busy playing and doing other things.

OP - I totally understand your concerns and I think that you are right to be concerned.

However, as a teacher, my concern would be that she seems to be disengaged. Clearly, if the child is disengaged it is not going to learn. There can be a number of reasons why she is disengaged. I would focus on this for the moment. I would organise another meeting with her teacher and ask what the teacher thinks causes your daughter to disengage and what the teacher is doing about it. Is she in a very large class? Are there many disruptive children?

Reading is an issue. If she doesn't know her sounds by the end of this school year, there is no doubt that she will be at a disadvantage in year 1 and if the school uses sets, she will be placed in the bottom group. It is very hard but not impossible once in the bottom group to move up (moving down is easy ...). The reason is that the groups often progress at a different pace. So they often grow further apart. Only with a lot of remedial teaching can these gaps be bridged but not all schools have the budget for intensive one-to-one or small group teaching to enable a child to bridge the gap.

At home, I would read lots of books together. Listening to audio CDs is also very good as the child learns to focus (much better than watching TV if you ask me). If concentration and remaining focused is an issue, you may want to do puzzles together, drawing together, playing board games together. Key is that it remains fun as she is still so young and you don't want to put her off learning.

It is true that they are expected to read very young in the UK. However, if you are part of this system you have little choice and will have to try to go with the flow. So I don't agree with people who say, don't worry, in other countries they only learn to read at six. You live here and not in these countries, your daughter is part of the UK educational system.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

As a teacher I wouldn't be overly worried about reading at this stage. I would be worried at her failure to retain information she previously knew and would be investigating if this was across a range of areas or just letters/sounds. However my main concern would be her lack of engagement.

I wouldn't be worried about reading while still under five.

We bought the Jolly Songs by Jolly Phonics CD which has been really good and supports what DD2 is learning at school as far as the sounds are concerned.

I have not pushed the reading as DD was not keen. But she has enjoyed Reading Eggs which we are now using alongside the sound cards from school.

We play 'bingo' by putting counters on the tricky/high frequency words.