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Primary education

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Original poster

Worried sick aboutmy four year old

67 replies

MrsHeley · 03/03/2012 13:56

Had a note home on friday yesterday stating my 4 yr old son is below the expected level for reading, writing and numeracy. I am devastated. Nothing before this blow from school to indicate any issues. He'snever been too bothered about reading or writing but wS told prevnot to worry don't stRt too young etc. Now i feel like i have let my son down and i don't know where to start to give him help. I don't want to work against the school etc. Anyone with any thoughts as i need some help - thanks

OP posts:
grovel · 03/03/2012 14:10

Certainly don't panic.

He's 4 and a boy. In all probability he'll storm ahead when he's ready.

But you will worry (it's what we do) - so talk to the school.

sugartongue · 03/03/2012 14:16

He's only four, so not time to panic yet! He's got plenty of time to get going. It may be that he's only 4 and not ready for formal education yet but will blossom over the next year or two. However, if there are reasons why he's struggling to learn he's clearl in the best place because school have come to you about in in reception - it's often year 2 before they will acknowledge a problem!

My advice would be to keep working with school, do lots of reading to him yourself and really work on those phonics. Keep things fun, keep him engaged, and don't let him pick up on you worry because you might be able to get him going before he becomes aware that he's a bit behind. Also excentuate his positives - develop the things he's good at and enjoys!

simpson · 03/03/2012 14:27

I would not worry he is still very young.

Is he one of the youngest in the year?

Has the school not said anything before this???

Ask the school how you can help.

My Ds (now yr2) was behind in everything in reception till about May time and then he caught up.

IndigoBell · 03/03/2012 14:41

OP - My DD was very behind in reading and writing (and other cognitive tasks) when she was 4.

Now she's 9 and she's almost caught up with reading, and is catching up with writing.

So, you're right to be concerned and worried. But what you really need to be is proactive.

My DD has caught up because I have done an enormous amount of work with her. School also did - but she never would have caught up without the stuff I did with her as well.

So you need to try and understand what his problems are, and then decide how to attack them.

Most of it is 'trial and error'. Try something, if it doesn't work, try the next thing.

He's only 4. You have loads and loads and loads of time to find out what works and help him catch up.

So, I think the first stage for you is to find out what he can do, and what he can't do. Then you can make a plan.

Never listen to anyone who tells you he's just young, or just a boy, or they all catch up in the end, or any other platitudes. If his making normal progress school wouldn't have sent the note home.

mrz · 03/03/2012 15:12

I think the first thing you need to do is talk to his teacher and find out how far below. It could be something straightforward lots of four year olds have hearing problems that impact on learning so rule out hearing and sight. Of course there may be more complex sight/hearing issues that won't be revealed by an ordinary test but rule out the most obvious first.

crazycrofter · 03/03/2012 15:29

Hi, just thought I would add my experience. My son is an August birthday and he finished reception below the 'expected level' in literacy and numeracy, which didn't surprise me. He just didn't grasp letter blending at all until about Easter and so I didn't push it too much.

Year 1 has been completely different. The more formal teaching seems to suit him, or maybe he's just matured and is ready for it. He loves doing his homework and at the parents' evening a few weeks ago his teacher says he is now at the expected level for literacy and above for numeracy - so fantastic progress!

In our case, I think it was just due to him being young in the year. I have helped him at home this year, but we haven't done huge amounts - just supporting the learning at school. So in your case, you may just need to wait for him to mature, although of course you should rule out any other problems.

madmum04 · 03/03/2012 17:50

My twins were told this in reception, the first parents evening the teacher said theyre behind, they always will be and i dont know what you expect, I was devastated. They were born 31st august and two months premature so yes they were behind, they had speech problems as well however I did so much extra 'fun' work with them at home and they had caught up by yr 2 coming out with level 3s in their sats, they left yr 6 with level 5s and are now in yr 11 with estimated As and Bs at GCSE this year.

My little yr one child is also struggling much more than my boys did, shes not even met national curriculum level one yet and is very behind across the board, with her however i do think there are additional needs but time will tell

MigratingCoconuts · 03/03/2012 18:21

Just wanted to add my experience to...you are not alone! My DD was below expected levels (killer phrase, isn't it!) in year 1. I did a lot of reading with her over the summer to try to support her and we did the reasing challenge that the local library does every yea.

She is now on expected levels for reading and maths and her writing still needs work.

Do go an talk to the teacher, that'll help.

And don't take any notice of all the 'my child is a genius' posts round here Wink

seeker · 03/03/2012 18:25

What did the letter actually say? Did it talk about support the school was going to give him? In what way "below"? Tell us a bit more- it does sound a rather odd thing for the school to do.

ExitPursuedByaBear · 03/03/2012 18:28

Agree with Seeker, seems a very bizarre thing to send home with a 4 year old boy. Was it a general report that had his levels and the expected levels for his age, or a note specific to him?

His only 4 for goodness sake - I am sure he will be fine, but definitely talk to the school.

madmum04 · 03/03/2012 18:36

Yes now youve pointed that out it does seem odd to send a letter like that. With my little girl in yr one now it was flagged up at parents evening that she was behind but no letter or anything. What did the letter say? The only reason I could imagine a letter being sent was if they were going to put him on school action for special needs

SorryMyLollipop · 03/03/2012 18:42

My dd hated school in reception, refused to cooperate and wanted to play all day, refused to read her school reading books etc. Now in yr 1 shes catching up and getting the hang of what school is all about.

RiversideMum · 03/03/2012 22:07

Please let your son enjoy being 4. There is plenty of time to catch up when he is ready for formal learning.

startail · 04/03/2012 00:26

DF tore her hair out trying to teach het summer born DS is reception phonics and worried how much better everyone else's DC were.
By the time I went into hear Y2 read you'd never have known.

Help him yes, watch progress yes, worry? Defiantly not yet!

mrz · 04/03/2012 11:12

If you actually look at the requirements for reception there is no expectation that most children will be able to read (you can be average and not read a word beyond your own name) the same with writing ... so if a teacher is saying a child is behind they are not saying your child should be able to read or write they are talking about the pre read/write skills. Mark making and turning pages, holding a book and choosing to look at books.

avoidinglibelaction · 04/03/2012 12:09

DD2 turned 5 in january and has only just now this half term started to show interest in anything at all other than just playing with cars - she still has no interest in reading on her own and has made no progress with her key words and won't read books at home - she loves listening to stories and she is now at 5y3mo starting to play with numbers for fun - I'm not worried as I know she's happy and just as bright as my other 2 , she'll drop a ballon with a hat on and comment that the hat makes the ballon fall faster - but has no interest in any kind of formal learning yet and will not till she is ready.
In Finland they don't start till they are 7 and they are one of the top countries for education- check there aren't any specific learning issues but I'd say he's just not ready yet. Play with him with things that use numbers - counting carrots in the supermarket, how many biscuits in the tin etc, read him stories and talk about the world- let him draw pictures and do colouring in to practise fine motor skills and the rest will come only when he's ready - like walking talking potty training they all get there in the end.

Chandon · 04/03/2012 13:10

4?

Please do not worry at 4

Especially not if it is a boy! Boys develop a bit more slowly

mrz · 04/03/2012 13:31

Boys don't develop more slowly but they can develop differently. It's foolish to excuse difficulties by saying "but he's a summer boy"

redemily222 · 05/03/2012 16:41

Hi, i can really empathise with your feeling of devastation - nothing like labelling your child as below average to make you feel sick to the pit of your stomach! My son is in year 1 and is the youngest in his year. I was surprised that in reception they really seemed to learn very little, it seemed like an extension of nursery - and he just wasn't interested in reading despite my desperate attempts to bring him up to the level that i would have expected by the end of summer hols.
Now in Year 1 he is struggling more than others and so I bought the Oxford Reading Tree level 1-6 books to work through at home. These have suddenly sparked an interest and so we are working on catching up with the rest of the class. I am putting in a lot of work at home with KS1 books and i bought a couple of counting and reading charts from SMiths which also really help.
I can't help but feel really sad that school is so intense for them at this age, but they really do soak it up when they are ready. I can highly recommend the reading scheme above though, it turned reading around for us.

Eggrules · 05/03/2012 17:46

I understand how worried you are. I was surprised by the news my DS (4) was struggling in school nursery. He is now in Reception and is doing really well (aged 5).

I started helping him at home and we do 30 mins (at most) of homework each day as soon as he gets home from school.

Make an appointment with your son's teacher to find out what the problem is and to see what can be done to help.

mathanxiety · 05/03/2012 18:04

What Chandon said.

At the risk of inducing much eye rolling, children in other parts of the world are not held to the same silly and unreasonable standards that British children are expected to attain at such a young age and still end up doing fine. Nor are they burdened by homework. It's foolish to invent problems, which is what this school has done.

IndigoBell · 05/03/2012 18:19

math - I'm sure in any part of the world if a child was in a nursery or kindergarten aged 4 and their teachers / key workers whatever had concerns about them, they'd raise their concerns with the parent.

Why does it matter if it's a school and teacher that's raised the concern, or a nursery and key worker?

Tgger · 05/03/2012 19:50

Yes, don't panic! "Reading, Writing and Literacy" are big words, but as mrz says the expectations for Reception age children are the "pre" reading, "pre" writing etc skills that are needed. Eg, can your son hold a pencil, does he draw/scribble etc. Does he enjoy being read to/do you read to him? Try to see the bigger picture, rule out hearing and sight and then see what you can do at home to help him. The letter sounds rather formal and scary but could actually be very useful in seeing if he has a specific difficulty or just needs a big more support and doing of these activities at home to bolster school.

mathanxiety · 05/03/2012 22:07

Concerns about reading, writing and numeracy would not be on the radar outside of Britain. Other concerns would, items like general behaviour, speech, getting along with others, following directions...

I didn't think I had any objection to the school/teacher or nursery/key worker aspect of things, just that obv a nursery shouldn't be focusing on stuff like this. Obvious to me anyway.

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