Worried sick aboutmy four year old

[MrsHeley]

Had a note home on friday yesterday stating my 4 yr old son is below the expected level for reading, writing and numeracy. I am devastated. Nothing before this blow from school to indicate any issues. He'snever been too bothered about reading or writing but wS told prevnot to worry don't stRt too young etc. Now i feel like i have let my son down and i don't know where to start to give him help. I don't want to work against the school etc. Anyone with any thoughts as i need some help - thanks

You have not let your son down - I am not sure anyone else has said that. Your child is who he is and school issues often dont come out until these children start in this much more formal setting (and yes the debate about starting age could go on all night).

I would work with your son and his interests/ability. My DS is a late Aug birthday and has really struggled with school - reading, writing, numeracy etc. He was put on School Action at the end of Reception and is still very actively supported by the school even now in Yr 2. He hasn't caught up - is still very behind. But he is aware of that (unfortunately) and gets very stressed by some of the homework and tasks he is given. His teacher, TA and SENCO have wonderful patience and imagination. We are quite an academic family so have slightly struggled to help him (all a bit puzzled).

But I try (really dont always succeed) to go with his ideas so if he wants to write notes I always have fun pen and paper at hand; if the school reading book doesn't appeal and I am getting a paddy brewing I have another similar level book to hand. We do practical tasks with meaning eg helping me with a shopping list. He likes cars so he drew and designed cars.

I am now 3 years on - still worried about what will happen - but am more relaxed about working at DS's pace.

Have you met my DD3, Mrz?

Hi MrsHeley

First off I think you can see there is a concensus here - he's only 4! So don't take this too seriously. You have by no means let him down. He's most likely much loved and is healthy & happy. You're off to a great start. YOU HAVEN'T LET YOUR SON DOWN! (Sorry MN for breaking rules on all caps - but I want to stress to MrsHeley she's doing all the right things).

Right - how to take this. Well this is the teacher telling you she's not happy with his progress, but not establishing how poor that progress is. She's involving you but possibly not going about it in the best way.

First of all you've no idea how 'bad' things are. It may not be that bad - just a few things to work on here and there to bring him back up to expected attainment levels. Trust me, having been repeatedly told all was fine only to discover that my DD1 couldn't read well, write well or subract at all by March of Y2 is much much worse place to find oneself. This is a school trying to ask you for some more help at home. You should be grateful for the honesty - it really is much better you know there are problems.

I'd arrange to meet with the teacher, if possible without your son and really talk this through so you understand the issues. Try to ensure the teacher understands you respect their professional opinion and that you want to work with the school to help.

Do remind yourself that if your DS won't turn 5 until late in the school year, or even the summer - then that can be a huge gap socially & educationally at this age. So do give him time and space. Now for the hard bit - even if you are stressed about his performance, you have to try to ensure that you don't pass that stress onto him. Start from where you are at - really get to know what he can and can't do - then you really can sincerely praise each little milestone he makes as he progresses.

Finally remind yourself that school isn't about producing millions of physicists - it's a great big world and there is room for all sorts of talents. I stumbled across this video at some point - it made me feel better, so might help you too. You need 20 minutes but it is worth it:

Firstly, I want to reiterate all the comments about a 4 yr old boy taking a bit longer to catch up but he will.

Secondly, wanted to share my experiences of getting my DS1 motivated to read in reception. I went on to you tube and searched for "jolly Phonic songs" I found it really helped with associating phonics with actions and songs and when he got stuck on a sound whilst reading I would just do the action. The positive side effect of it was that my DD2 who was 2 at the time picked more up than I realised and she is now reading at the age of 3! ( disclaimer....not my doing! My DS1 taught her!)

At 4 I find it amazing that teachers or whoever think there a problem !he is only 4! my children did not go to school until after their 6 birthday so I cannot comment on early education but kids can develop overnight at this age

imnotmymum you know all those developmental checks they do from birth ...

I'm not suggesting the OPs child has a problem but often it is very obvious which children are going to struggle even from a very tender age and the sooner difficulties are recognised the sooner they can be addressed.

I understand what you are where you are coming from, mrz, but when children didn't start school till after they were 5, presumably, there were no expected levels of reading, writing and numeracy for 4 year olds to fall below. And, perhaps, far lower levels of anxiety for mums to experience.

Not on about developmental checks that is totally different just at 4 seems ridiculous to panic that all. Have none of you found one day something just clicks and agree start school and testing so young now

I started school in the 60s aged just 4 and was expected to learn to read and write and do arithmetic. I have my reports and I was tested for spelling and reading even then ...

I taught 4 year olds in reception pre foundation stage and the expectation were that we had all children sitting working to prepare them for Y1. Reception was no mans land neither early years or KS1 which is why those of us working with the youngest children welcomed FS with open arms ... at last reception children and their needs were recognised!

As I posted earlier the expectations for reading and writing in reception are to be interested in books - not to be able to read them- to be interested in using mark making equipment - not to be writing sentences or even words...

imnotmymum how is it different? The expectations are for development not GCSEs!

I've also taught reception for many years and quite often the child who causes concern in nursery is the child who is receiving support in KS2 ...

Yes but op said below levels in reading etc not that he is not making marks in sand ! Some of the best education systems and philosophies enable children to develop at own rate not one size fits all

Yes imnotmymum and those are the levels he must be below because those are what he is being assessed against.

Reading point 1 -Is developing an interest in books
point 2 Knows that print conveys meaning
point 3 Recognises a few familiar words such as own name and mum, dad names for siblings

Writing
point 1 Experiments with mark making, sometimes ascribing meaning to the marks
point 2 Uses some clearly identifiable letters (such as initial letter of own name) to communicate meaning
point 3 Represents some sounds correctly in writing

to be behind at this stage these are the type of things the teacher isn't seeing

and yes it is making marks in sand or with paint or with a stick in mud and it is picking up a book and holding it the right way and turning pages front to back ...

Oh I see well then thank you sorry as I said we did not engage with early years and I am a uni lecturer so do not know primary ed. Ok well I guess op not let son down but should heed advice and do a bit extra ??

The OP should talk to the teacher

I started school in the 60s aged just 4 and was expected to learn to read and write and do arithmetic. I have my reports and I was tested for spelling and reading even then ...

That was your experience, mrz. Mine, a little earlier, was different. I started school at 5 years and 2 months, after the Easter holidays. And yes, we started to learn to read, write and do arithmetic then. I obviously have no idea if our teachers had levels that they expected. We didn't actually get school reports until we went to juniors and I have never experienced a spelling test, although or junior school headmaster used to regularly take our reading ages - though that was not something that happened in the infants school.

Regarding your reading and writing points, I wonder if those are really the things that OP's DS can't yet do, or if the teacher is expecting more than that.

Those are the official assessment statements and would indicate a child working below expectations in reception

Writing point 4 - Writes own name and other words from memory (names of siblings, friends words like mum dad cat )
point 5 -Holds a pencil and uses it effectively to form recognisable letters, most of which are correctly formed
point 6 - Attempts writing for a variety of purposes, using features of different forms (lists, labels, captions)

Reading point 4 - Knows that, in English, print is read from left to right and
top to bottom
point 5- Shows an understanding of the elements of stories, such as main
character, sequence of events and openings
point 6 - Reads a range of familiar and common words and simple sentences
independently (again names and simple 3 letter words)

this would the typical level of achievement for a child at the end of reception.