I wish my friend hadn't told me how much her reception ds knows

[boinging]

I had been plodding along happily thinking my dd was doing fine in reception, when we had the conversation. It seems her ds knows all the phonic sounds, is reading car magazines and writes in full sentences with correct punctuation with pretty good spelling. And apparently he has aquired all this independently and at school, but she hasn't done anything with him.
My dd is starting to grasp reading, and can read words with the sounds she knows (by no means all of them). But her writing is often all over the page with sounds missing here and there. Please reassure me she is normal. I am starting to panic.

And so it can go on until a child's education is finished. If you let it, this kind of thing can make you very bitter. I was when all of my then best friend's children went to Oxbridge and my two eldest went to new universities of which my friend had never heard. My trying to convince myself that it didn't matter just did not work. I cut myself off from her - no loss at all to her but it was to me and I deserve it. I am someone with a tendency to bitterness which I fight (and fail). Don't let it affect you - your lo sounds absolutely fine!

God, if someone has to lie about something like that, it makes you wonder, doesn't it?

I think I actually do the reverse. People ask how the kids are doing and I say things like "DS1 washed his armpits! He did homework!! Hurrah!!" or "I have temporarily given up hope given the state of their handwriting", that kind of thing.

Your DD sounds completely normal. If your friend's son WAS capable of doing all that stuff, and it is perfectly within the realms of probability, it still wouldn't alter your DD's achievements. Follow her progress and talk to the teacher but disregard other children. If you spoke to someone whose reception child was no where near your DD's level yet it still wouldn't make your DD a genius would it?

i think you should feel content that you are the one she can confide in. sometimes having a more able kid in comparison to immediate peer group leads to all sorts of silly comments in the playground (see above) which is why parents hardly ever admit it in public. it's nothing to be ashamed of, and doesn't mean she is lying

both children are absolutely normal, and doing fine. by yr 4 you probably won't be able to tell them apart, but your friend will have been thoroughly indoctrinated that she is not allowed to mention anything to do with her child outside of her own home as she wil be accused of lying or boasting. (again, see above)

why do people always assume that parents of brighter kids are egomaniac hot housers? that's just as daft as assuming that a parent of a child with considerable learning disabilities is a bit fick innit. even though they could be one and the same person. funny old world. it says a lot more about the people making the comments than the parent concerned.

hey ho.

Ds is in p1 which is scottish equivalent of reception.

He knows all his phonic sounds and some words by sight. He can write his name a bit like this : J a MM 3 s .

He certainly can't 'read' or write independently.

He is learning about school routine though, being more independent, doing show and tell and gaining confidence.

Don't worry.

your daughter sounds fine, as others have said.

as does your friend's son - and she may not be bragging about her child, she may be totally unaware (as I was with ds1) that his current abilities are above those of your daughter in these academic areas. It hasn't been until my ds2 (who is probably on the upper side of average) has got to certain ages that I have realised how far in advance of his peers ds1 must have been at those ages.

You Dd sounds fine, further on than my Ds who I've been assured is doing perfectly fine by his teachers. He can't even hold a pen properly yet, although he is the youngest in the school.

My Dd was similar to your Dd in reception, once she started year one in September she started to progress at a faster rate. My sister is a teacher and has said you can't really tell how children are going to do until year 3.

Good point well made, outofbodyexperience. I am so used to making depreciating replies to other people's comments (especially about DS) that I hadn't considered the very real possibility that OP's friend is someone who hasn't yet encountered the 'thou shalt not talk about your bright child' law yet, rather than being an exaggerating competitive parent (which is also possible)

Trouble is, reading is the easiest thing to measure. DS's startling ability is in maths, which is much less obvious to others, so it took a while before people started noticing. His reading was always good, but not startlingly so.

Anyway, OP, the main point (that your DD is doing fine and there is certainly nothing to worry about) stands.

I found it strangely reassuring when I witnessed a friend of a friend's son who was writing correctly in complete sentences at 3. He was reading himself to sleep as well - and he really could properly read. The child was just very, very advanced and sure enough is on the G&T register now at 5.

Reassuring because there are some outliers who do things super-quickly and learn very fast. He hadn't been hot-housed or anything - his parents weren't particularly academic either. He just got all that coding and decoding stuff very fast.

It meant I didn't have to worry. He was a statistical abnormality. My DD is right in the middle. It's like my not worrying about some children being taller than mine. Or shorter.

And OP, your DD sounds like most reception children.

But outofbodyexperience IMO there is a VERY big difference between the parent who would offer the kind of info about their DC, like the OP's friend, perfectly innocently in response to a direct question - agree with you there, she genuinely may not be aware that her son is (At the moment) ahead, with the Competitive Reception Parent who speaks JUST A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY IN THE PLAYGROUND HOPING THAT EVERYONE WILL HEAR. I have two acquaintances who fall in the latter categpry and TBH I just find it excrutiatingly embarrassing when they start.

Phew. What a lot of peopel ready to jump in assuming that the mother's lying. Could be my ds, only he reads plane magazines rather than car ones. But I refuse to discuss reading simply because of the attitudes here.

However I'd happily trade his reading skills for more social skills. Just because the mother is proud of one area doesn't mean that she is showing off or doesn't have concerns in other areas.

YABU.

Don't compare, either with those further ahead in some way, or vice versa.

Just because someone happens to say what their DC is doing doesn't mean they're inviting a competition.

Thanks for the really interesting viewpoints. Maybe my friend does think her ds is doing what most other reception children are doing and wasn't being competitive. I hadn't considered that. Thank you for all the reassurance too. I am proud of my dd, she has settled really well into school and i am very grateful for that.

DeWe, I don't think it is so much the car magazines that has aroused people's suspicions, (DS used to read the TV guide to plan his week's viewing) so much as the writing in full sentences with correct punctuation. In OP's postition, I would have been tempted to say, 'How marvellous, I would love to see some of his writing', in order to gauge the reaction.

Maybe op's friend doesn't realise her ds is 'advanced' [for want of a better word]. However you will soon find out as the years go on whether she is a competitive Mum or not.
I know both categories of Mum- one simply has a very bright child but is matter of fact but low key about it. Another hot houses her children with ferocity and is always trying to find out how other children are doing- I simply won't play with her! Lots of smiles and changing the subject.

Kids learn at all different rates. Its all a part of a learning curve for them & for the teachers, they get the chance to know what a child's weakness & strengths are. I wouldnt worry about it love. You find that what subject a child is strong in there is usually a subject where they have a weakness.

Lordy me everlong- I would be covering my ears too and singing 'La,la,la' loudly!!

Your dd is probably quite normal...
Could have been my DS2.. but not me as I never boast
Yes my DS2 did read books to the other kids in playgroup and nursery (reception) and the entire reading scheme for primary 1,2 and 3 on his first day at school, yes he knew all his sounds, yes he read encyclopaedias for fun, yes, he understood every word he was reading, yes, his first language is written English not spoken English, still turns on the subtitles at 14 to better understand the movie.....
... and indeed, yes, he has extreme hyperlexia as a side shoot of his Aspergers..... one never knows what lies beneath

He won't know all the phonic sounds, unless he has finished Phase 6 of Letters and Sounds, which children generally finish at the end of Year 2. Your daughter sounds like she is doing fine and is completely normal. Don't worry.

everlong - it's a good point. The difference between the oldest and youngest in reception amounts to a quarter of a lifetime for them. I look at tall strapping October-born DD and her teeny tiny August-born friend who is about half her height and it seems even more ridiculous to even think about comparing them (disclaimer - I have no idea how he is doing, because I don't ask/care - for all I know he might be the encyclopedia (or, since he is car-obsessed, car magazine) reader of the year group)

I totally agree with those who said that your friend may not know how advanced her ds is. My dd could read well in Receptin and to be honest i didnt think it was a big dealas i assumed that this was the norm. A parent asked me how my dd was doing and i told her. She then got really upset because her ds did not know his sounds. I learned my lesson after that.
My dd is now in year 3 and many of the children have now caught with her.

Sad people, who need to show off about things like that!

Don't let it bother you.