Is it time to move the dcs to a private school?

[popgoestheweezel]

Dd is in yr 3 and ds in yr 1.
Dd has had a lot of confidence problems since starting yr 3, tummy aches most school nights and mornings, reluctance to go into school on her own, worries that she is 'struggling' with her work (although there is no evidence of this) but this has improved since Christmas.
Ds has always had 'problems' at school and he is being investigated for special needs. School haven't been at all supportive- all through reception they said he had problems (hurting other children, not following instructions, not able to sit still).
Last year the school's Ofsted inspection was only just satisfactory (previously had been almost outstanding) and subsequently the head resigned. In September a new head started and he has started to make a LOT of long overdue changes but I'm wondering if we can wait for these to fully take effect.
Since November Ds has been having extra help in a social communication group alongside 3 of his closest friends mainly because they were frequently falling out and hurting each other. However, over the last few weeks their behaviour has been deteriorating, so much so that there is a physical incident (kicking, biting, scratching- sometimes drawing blood) involving some or all of these 4 boys every day for the last two weeks. Clearly the social communication group is not working! I went in to see the head of KS1 to discuss it and she said that they have plans for clubs (arts & crafts etc) for lunchtimes to help.
Today we have a letter telling us that one of ds' class teachers (a job share) has resigned due to ill health. I am positive that it is stress related. I am also thinking that maybe it's related to the deterioration in their behaviour too. Their plan now is to get a supply in to cover until easter then another teacher currently teaching yr 2 will take over.
The question is, will this be a huge amount of upheaval from now until the end of the year? A job share is already unsatisfactory (IMO) because of the lack of consistency and this will only get much much worse if they change teachers now and then again after easter.
Maybe it is time to move them both. There is a good little private school in the next village. They have no more than 12 to a class, get very good ofsted and particularly importantly (for ds) their psed is outstanding. But, do i make the move and lose all the friends they have on their doorstep?

Well, the existing school doesn't sound like a recipe for success. If you have been to other school, have spoken to parents of children there etc and are confident in the school's abiliities to support/deal with issues, then I wouldn't hesitate to move my children in your position.

I moved my DCs for y3 and y1, though for different reasons to you.

It's still possible to stay in touch with friends from the old school, as long as you and they are willing. It will help them adjust if you do a string of playdates with the new friends.

DC1 found it harder to leave friends than DC2. I think this is partly due to their different personalities - DC1 definitely had a Best Friend and DC2 did not, really.

I don't think friends at that age should be your determining factor.

Pop - be very, very careful about moving a kid with SN to a private school. I wouldn't risk it.

Are there any other state schools near by?

Why the concerns about moving a kid with SN to a private school? T

We moved our dd to a village school about 10 minutes drive away ( a few villages along).Her old school was fine actually,lovely inspiring Head,but she was very unhappy in year one and it had got so bad we home-edded for the bulk of that year,she started in year two last Sept in the new school. I can't deny the journey is a pain,I would far prefer to walk up the road to school as I did before,but aside from that she is actually happy in her class now,so it has been a good change.Ironically I think dd2 who started in reception in the same school would probably have been happier in the old school's reception class as she knew lots of the other children already, but she is starting to settle in now.(only 4,not five for a while,so finding full time -which this school insist on-,quite hard going). I think their happiness is the only concern really,and the smaller classes at the prep may suit your ds in particular better,and as there is so much friction in the group he is with,maybe a new school with the change to form a slightly different identity,would be a very good thing.

Because any extra help they need will have to come out of your bank account, not the LA.

But may be balanced out by having much smaller class sizes

A private school can ask a child to leave at any time, unlike a state school.

They can be good. They can be excellent.

But...... at any time, and for any reason, they can also ask you to leave.

Not for any reason, you sign a contract but fundamentally you need to choose the right school whether state or private where your children will get the right support.

I think dd would be very nervous about moving but she would settle well as she makes friends very easily. Luckily she is friendly with almost all the girls in her class and doesn't really have a best friend.
Ds ironically has only one real friend who he does love and wishes they were brothers, so I would be a little nervous about that.

Ds went to the nursery class at this private school because they would offer a 9-3 day once dd started in reception. He had some problems there too but they were very understanding about it (although not necessarily successful in dealing with it) and I know they will take on special needs children, which many other private schools will not.

Sue - OK, not for any reason. But for loads of reasons.

Hitting other children. Throwing chairs. Running away.

For challenging behaviour.

There was a very sad thread just last week where a secondary school which had been very good to a girl for years has turned round now, when the girl is in Y11 and said she needs to leave the school because her results will look bad.

Private schools do manage out kids with SN. Not all schools. But it's a risk. Even if you tell them about your DS and they say that's all fine, you can't guarantee they won't change their mind.

I can second tread carefully, but I wouldn't rule out private school for SN in principle - I have found it was the best for my DSs. I did look very carefully and I was up front with them about what I needed/wanted from them. The two schools I have experience of take the attitude that they value every child and this informs the way they educate so I have never paid more for the (considerable) extra help. I have also found the much smaller class sizes and all th extra-curricular activities to do the boys' confidence the world of good. Whether you live near to such a school is another matter though! Good luck!

Yes, you have to choose the school carefully - most parents don't want their children in class with children who are hitting/throwing chairs etc, whether state or private, but I agree it's easier for private schools to manage them out.

If a child has such challenging behaviour, then maybe special needs schools are the way to go.

Indigo, there is a very highly rated school in the next village, our head who started in sept is executive head for them both. The ofsted report says "the school's improvement has been brought about by the head's passionate vision for excellence in all aspects of school life" so I'm hoping that he will have the same effect at our school. However, will it be quick enough for ds? Will he be able to solve the problems between these 4 boys (it's been going on since the very beginning of reception. Also, I am worried that all this upheaval with new teachers will be bad for him.
Maybe the other state school would be a better option?

Also, dh became a governor this year too and has expressed his concern that being head for two schools will be too much work for one person in the long run. Our school has 200 but the other has 450. From what dh sees as a governor our school is in a very bad state in almost every aspect- he reckons if there was an ofsted now it would be in special measures. The question is, can the head pull this school out of the mire too?

Sue - you don't go to a special school just because you hit. There are hardly any special schools left, they are very hard to get into, and thy only ever take kids with considerable difficulties. Huge difficulties. All state schools have kids with challenging behaviour.

Isn't that one of the many reasons you like private? Because you don't have kids with challenging behaviour there?

Pop - I really think you should move. If your DH is a governor and knows the school has problems you need to get out.

I don't know whether you should move to the other state school or to the private school.

You've already said in nursery they weren't very successful at handling him.....

If you message me the names of the 2 schools I'm happy to look at their websites and ofsted etc.

It does sound like you should move, especially if your dh has a bit of inside knowledge!

From the friendship side of things, my dd just moved in Year 2 and although her school is now 30 mins away, we still keep in contact with her old school friends, it does take a bit more effort, but was important for our dd who like your son, forms very stong friendships. In fact she is going to a party tomorrow with her 'old' school friends.

We are at private school now and although we haven't personal experience of their special needs provision, another mum - also recently moved from a small village state school, because her son needed more 'help' and had some 'behaviour issues', has told me that they have been fantastic and he is much calmer in class and at home, which she thinks is because he gets more 'guided' work and structure than he had at his old school, she doesn't pay any extra for this help, just as the T&G children get extra help.

It must depend on the schools, so maybe it is a question you should be asking.

I just find this whole 'school' thing so stressful and wish you the very best of luck!

Having slept on it I am still confused. Maybe this head will turn the school around and within a year or so it will be just as good as his other school. If so, I would have sacrificed a lot- school and all their friends literally on the doorstep and would have to drive them to school (although it's only a couple of miles). But, will the head be able to do it? It's a hell of a lot of work.
Maybe the other school/s wouldn't be any better for him anyway? I might be just swapping one set of problems for another.... How on earth would you evaluate whether a particular school is right for your particular child. It depends so much on the individual teacher and the classmates (one bad apple can spoil a whole bunch) that you never know until you actually take the plunge. Is the grass always greener?
I guess you can always go back to the old school. A friend of dd's went to another school for two terms last year but then came back.

You can't turn a shool round in a couple if terms. You can improve it, but not turn it round.

It is a risk moving school. You can never know it'll be right before you do it. You just get to the point where you've decided it will probably be better.

When my 3 moved school they took all of their problems with them. But - how the school handled their problems was very different.

Now my regret is that I spent a year agonising over the decision. I wasted another year of my kids education needlessly.

sen provision at private schools is not great AFAIK. As indigo says.

I moved my ds1 from an "outstanding" primary school where his problems were being ignored and he was being bullied to a "satisfactory" one where he is at least, happy.

At least with a state school you can apply for SA - you dont have to wait for the school to do it.

dam! I wrote a long post but it got lost!!

In essence, I said that what Indigo said happened to a colleague of mine. The child was asked to leave the private school who 'understood his needs like no other school had' within two terms and has left the family in a right pickle.

I'm not saying don't move because there are bad state schools out there too, but rather, tread very carefully!

Agree with all the others. Explore all other state options first before considering private UNLESS the school you are considering has a known specialism in SEN (e.g there is a private school locally that specialises in teaching children who have the difficulties loosely termed 'dyslexia', and another which has a good reputation for nurturing children who have noit been succeeding academically up to that point). I know of no private schools who willingly take on children with behavioural difficulties - obviously some children show fewer behavioural difficulties in a small class, with lots of sport and a different peer group. However if the problem is more deep-rooted and is not resolved using those simple measures, such disruptive children are usually managed out. Sadly, one of thie things parents pay for is removal of their child from disruptive classmates....

I did smile a bit at your post about the special school sue.

It is harder to get a kid into my EBD primary school than to get into most super-selective preps! We do occasionally have parents ring up and ask if they can 'put their child's name down'. The answer is no because we are very full, massively over subscribed with a long wating list across several counties and our entrance criteria are very difficult to reach!

Slightly tangentially, and a point that's not particularly now relevant to this thread - I do think that job shares can work in primary school.

DD had job-sharing teachers in Y4. They were brilliant - both uber-professional, made sure they spent an hour or so handing over properly every week, both turned up to parents' evenings etc.

Children make friends very quickly at the stage the OPs DCs are at, and I would not be concerned about moving them on friendship grounds.