Wriggly 6yo. How can I help teach him to sit still?

[MerryMarigold]

Chat with teacher today. He's fine, progressing. Not exactly top of the class, (or even middle), but he is progressing. Her issue is that he is still very wriggly and finds it hard to sit still. In her words it is "annoying", but he's not doing it on purpose, she knows. He is not being disruptive. He's had this issue since Nursery. I did mention Dyspraxia but she said he would get his letters more mixed up, and that seems to be just normal at mo (d and b).

Anyway, so I really want to help him with this as it does lead to telling off, which can really get to him (he's super sensitive). He does need to be told not to wriggle, but I'm sure it would help his self confidence if he didn't need to be told off about it all the time.

I think the fact the teacher called him "annoying" is shocking, he is not being disruptive in class so she needs to keep his attention, I have an "active" 6 year old (nearly 7) and the teacher she had in previous year struggled with her, I dont know how you can stop him wriggling but the present teacher my dd2 has is brilliant, its impossible for teachers to get on with every child in their class they are only human but its their job to find ways of dealing with each one, one idea that worked with my dd2 was finding something she enjoyed playing with, and using that interest during the day. maybe if he likes lego, having a lego set and building a tower as a reward for attentiveness in class

DS2 was just like this from Reception to yr2 including the Dyspraxia queries.

It may be a coincidence but we found that staring karate really helped DS2 with increased concetration spans and being able to hold positions.

She described his wriggling as annoying not him!
and although i appreciate that some children simply can't sit still (my son is the same) it is annoying for those around him and for the teacher. Balance cushions can work really well for some children and perhaps a spot where his wriggling doesn't disrupt other children.

Thanks guys. I wasn't at all annoyed about the "annoying" comment. I LOVE this teacher. She is honest, encouraging, kind and has about 40 years of experience - which hasn't dented her love of kids. It must be hard for whoever is teaching the class and she handles him 100x better than his Reception teacher and TA. But, he will pick up that the teacher is not happy with him, as he's a sensitive child, and it will make him feel bad about himself (tendency to low self esteem).

I will look up balance cushions and maybe ask if they would use it if I bought it.

Karate. It's a thought. We watched Karate Kid II and he loved it, and Kung Fu Panda. It's a good idea.

Oh, and you don't need to get your letters mixed up to have dyspraxia. She's confused with dyslexia. (Although, you can also have dyslexia without mixing your letters up)

You want a Move n sit cushion. I've just bought one into school for both my DSs and school have never had a problem with it.

I have the same problem with my ds (age 5 y1 August birthday) he is being home schooled at present due to moving and appealing for a school place. He is CONSTANTLY on the move. His teacher at his previous school had joked that he could be selotaped to a chair! He also has the concentration span of a goldfish! And was often told off or taken out of assemblies for not paying attention, (he has a tendency to zone out!) having him at home helps as he always has attention but one of the things i've noticed having him at home is that his hearing is appaling. I have always been worried about his Wriggling, especially since reception teacher said he physically can't sit still! But am now hoping it has something to do with not hearing and may be able to pay more attention and sitstill when he can hear what's going on. (if, of course it's the hearing that's the problem!

Tib - do you think he may have ADHD or something like that?

Good idea to get his hearing tested - but not sure that that would cause constant wriggling and a concentration span of a goldfish.

Hi MM, just to say (we were chatting a few days ago about our wriggly boys ) I am taking DS to kung fu classes starting this week, I'll report back how it went. He has had the cushion for a week now, teacher says there is already an improvement, she has also put the cushion on a chair for him which really helps it seems even when the other kids are on the carpet. I can recommend giving that a go although I have had to deal with some questions at the gates from other mums...I have also given him 10-20 minutes of worksheets or writing a few sentences about a book after school every day to get him more used to sitting and writing. So far so good, he has really enjoyed it and it isn't too much so he's not "refusing" to write yet.

I have also got a referral to the paeds in March so will see how that goes.

Agree with IndigoBell, Dyspraxia isn't about letters as much as coordination and movement. You'd need to go to the doctor for a referral to the paeds/OT for that diagnosis.

I've always had a feeling he was "different" but started to think more and more about adhd or something there abouts when his reception teacher told me she kept him out of assembly because it did nothing for him and he physically cannot sit still. I asked at the at the time if she thought i should be worried about anything and she said he's too young for deciding whether it's a problem or not.

I have a friend who is a TA and says he's just 5 and a boy and an immature (if that's possible) boy at that. However, she's no expert.

He was a very fractious baby, always poorly. Had tonsils out at 2 as he had tosilitis once a month. Although confident, good at making friends etc, he's very cautious of certain things. Wont join a club or go anywhere without me. Has mood swings and can be dreadful if he doesn't get his own way! (i must stress though, that he DOESN'T get his own way!) doesn't stop talking, could go to bed at midnight and be up at 7 (not tried and tested. Goes to bed at 7 and is in and out of sitting room, trying it on!), has dreadful writing, although doesn't get letters mixed up.

Oneof the problems is that i have no idea on the subject of adhd or anything similar. I have filled in online questionnaires which indicate there may be something but i know these are not diagnostic! I was going along thelines of him not paying attention because he can't hear, then zoning out and then the wiggling starts! He CAN sit still if he is interested in something (and can be fanatical, in short sharp bursts) but now i come to think of it, he can't sit still when reading a book so maybe the hearing thing is not really valid as much as i thought. I'm not sure i'd be as concerned if his 3 year old sister wasn't completely different in all senses of the word!

I think you be researching ADHD a lot more.

Also go to your GP and ask for a referral to a paed.

Teachers aren't qualified to dx. So when she says 'he's too young' - that's no different from your friend or you Mum saying that.

Lots and lots and lots can be done to help kids who have ADHD - from multivitamins, to diet, to vision therapy, to neurodevelopment therapy - but you will only find out about all this stuff if you start researching it all yourself.

People get scared of ADHD because of all the negative publicity about ADHD drugs. But most kids who have ADHD don't take drugs. And like I said there's an awful lot you can do to help your DS besides give him drugs.

Hi Jalapeno. Is that the same cushion as Indigobell has linked to? I don't mind questions from other Mums at all. At least we won't have to talk about the weather!!! I have a friend who is a SENCO so I am asking her advice as well (seeing her tomorrow). Do let me know how the kung fu goes.

Indigo, thanks so much for the link and all the knowledge!

Tibywibs, hope you get him sorted. It's great you're doing teaching him at home. I considered this for my ds as he was so unhappy in reception, but he is happier this year and making progress (he made virtually none for the whole of YR). Plus I have 3yo twins who just started Nursery and I have enjoyed having mornings to myself. My ds has also been continually referred to as 'young'. He is, which makes him very sweet too!

Thanks Indigo Bell, i think more investigation is needed. I always worry that i'll take him to the doctors and he'll turn out to not have anything going on and i'mjust a terrible mum who can't look after him! I'm not worried if he does have adhd or something of thst ilk but maybe the time has come for me to get help if he needs it.

Merrymarigold, ds is only homeschooled until he gets a place at school! To be honest he drives me nuts at home! Very much needs structure in the day and as we've just moved i can't always do that. I can definately feel a difference when he hasn't been out too. We live next door but one to a park but haven't been recently due. To the weather. I thought he was going to explode yesterday! We ended up at a soft play centre as he was bouncing off the walls, butvthen has been good as gold today, tidied his room, hoovered for me and washed pots (he loves to clean, i haven't turned him into a slave!) and we have all played games together and done some schoolwork.
Anyway, he's at the docs on tues for a hearing test and i think i'll ask for him to be referred then!
Hope you get your little wiggler sorted too!

I would worry about the school, and ask the teacher how much physical exercise the kids get. At DCs school, they go for a run around the playground after assembly for example. Just how much sitting is he doing at 6? 10 minutes is reasonable to hope for, but much longer will strain some kids.
Do also check how comfortable he is finding his school clothes, labels and fabric conditioner can both add to itching and wriggling.
I wouldn't want to label him for this, it sounds like a pretty normal boy to me. However, nice experienced teachers can still get things wrong, so don't feel intimidated into not questioning her further.

Mmmmm. This is a teaching issue.

I have a hugely wriggly nearly 6 yr old who used to have to sit on a chair to the side during carpet time because her wriggling was distracting to everyone else.

Then I moved her to a different school where her teacher recognises that she is what they call an "active learner". The teacher has been working with dd to help her to understand and own the way she learns so as to be most effective for dd and least distracting for everyone else. They have given her a number of practical strategies to work with, including...

• Having a piece of blu-tac in her hand during story or circle time to fiddle with.
• Being given the option of taking 5 minutes out of the class task to refocus her brain "if it gets too wriggly in her head".
• Never expecting her to have to concentrate on any one thing for more than 5 minutes.

To clarify - my dd has no SEN. With a bad teacher she would simply be The Naughty Girl in the class. Instead she is so, so proud of the fantastic progress she has made because she is being actively and specifically taught how to manage her own behaviour.

SilentBoob - SEN means special educational need. ie something special needs to happen for them to be able to learn effectively.

So what you've described ( needing blue-tac, taking 5 minutes out of class, short concentration span) is exactly SEN. She needs something special to happen otherwise she doesn't learn well.

If she was treated exactly like everyone else, she wouldn't do well. This is what SEN means.

Sounds like school are handling it very well.

The reason her new teacher could do this is because she knew how to. Maybe because of advice she'd had on how to handle previous kids with these types of problems.

What reports and labels do is tell teachers, who don't know this, what to do.

ie her old teacher would have been able to manage her better if she'd had a report from an OT or EP or someone suggesting the strategies you've listed.

So, I don't think it's fair to call it a teaching problem at all.

This is not stuff teachers are taught in teacher training.

Indigo, don't you think this is exactly what teachers should be taught in training? Especially in the school based part. I cannot imagine there is a class of 6 year olds which does not have a few children who have problems sitting still. It is a huge waste of money and resources to call in an ed psych for all such children.

It doesn't matter whether or not teachers should be taught it, they aren't.

If the school knows what to do, they don't need to call in experts. Over time, with lots of kids, they build up more knowledge in house. (If the school is any good - otherwise nothing happens to the knowledge, it gets lost)

If the school doesn't know what to do, then you have to do something other than blaming them.

My school is very good, I still had to get a private OT report to tell them how to help my DS. I would have rather not had to spend that money. I would rather school knew what to do without me getting an OT involved. But they didn't.

They are not occupational therapists, they are teachers. Of course an OT will be able to give them good advice targeted precisely to my child. It is totally unrealistic to expect teachers to know about the same things that OT know about.

'Not being able to sit still', sounds simple and minor. Mostly it isn't. Mostly a child can't sit still because of a reason. And the hard thing is finding out what the reason is.

And very often the reason they can't sit still is to do with stuff that is simple to fix if an OT assesses your child and gives you therapy exercises to do.

See, all the strategies SB described are compensating strategies.

They don't try and help the underlying problem, they don't try to help the child so that over time they get better, all they do is manage the symptoms / behaviour.

An OT report would say how to to fix the underlying problems that are causing the symptoms / behaviour and would say how to help the child so that, over time, compensating strategies weren't needed anymore.

There is no way it is reasonable to expect teachers to know how to do that without input from an OT.

But the underlying 'problem' is that she is 5 years old and has a limited concentration span entirely appropriate to her age and development. The 'problem' before was that she was being asked to sit still, listen to stories, read endless Tippy, Biffy and Kipper books despite having NO interest in learning to read.

I wrongly gave the impression that my daughter is singled out with these strategies. She is not. Do you think that the 19 other 5 / 6 year olds sit quietly / don't get distracted / always concentrate on their tasks / learn to read and write with relish? They do not. They are all given appropriate strategies to learn in the way that works for them.

The approach taken by the school is that at their age what they need to learn are the tools necessary to become good learners. Everyone learns in a different way. I didn't learn this until I was at university. My 5 yr old already has a decent grasp of it, and the effects on a rather giddy child are bloody amazing.

I do absolutely agree that the teacher knows how to do this because she has been taught. I am often blown away by the professionalism and knowledge shown by the teachers. I feel extraordinarily privileged that I am able to choose this education for my daughter.

Sorry SB, I misunderstood.

You are right that if she is the same as the other girls in her class Then there is no problem :)

and you are right that reception kids shouldn't be expected to sit still for long. As most state schools don't make kids sit still for long, I misunderstood the problem with her old school.

Sounds like her new school is excellent.

Sounds like it's private too!!

Indigo, what OT did you use? Are you in London?

My kids are at a state school, but it uses similar methods. Of course it started sometime ago with a head who is very positive on inclusion, and learning styles. This has lead to staff trained in such styles, which has lead to lots of people with kids with various SEN applying to the school, which fortunately also has enough high achieving parents not to make it a "sink" school. It's is also over subscribed and uses its resources wisely, in terms of extra staff and equipment such as voice applification loops.
However you do need staff with the right interests to start with, and then it does become virtuous, where all wriggly children are catered for, so those with real problems can be noticed.

MM - you are right to be concerned. On this and other threads you have described symptoms of ADHD, dyspraxia and dyslexia.

This is not surprising. Almost no child has just one of those conditions, they all have multiple of them - because the defn of those conditions are wrong.

There is really one problem which is causing the ADHD, dyspraxic and dyslexic symptoms.

I have spent the last 3 years obsessively researching all of this as my eldest has mild ASD and my DD has severe dyslexia.

Ihave tried loads and loads of things. Most of them have worked.

The absolute best therapy is tinsley house. It has been unbelievably amazing.

I have written about lots of the things I've tried here

feel free to message me to ask more specifics.

But basically, I think an OT will help - but so will lots of other things and you need to work out where to start.

After obsessing about my children for 3 years, and spending a lot of time and money I have achieved miracles. DS1s ASD & dyspraxia is about 98% cured. We haven't finished at tinsley house yet but I fully expect the last few symptoms to disappear.

DDs story is even more amazing. She had far more problems than DS1. Her dyslexia is now about 60% cured, and she is making significant progress every day.

My 7y old has the cant sit still thing but no other concerns really. I might try one of those cushions as he is quite slight and seems to slip off the chairs as much as anything else. Are the wedge shaped or round ones better for children?

Watching with interest. Must read full thread later.
Have another wriggler.
I can say it is highly annoying and distracting for me when we are doing something and he can't sit still. I'll look into those cushions and read thread properly later. Thank you all for advice and starting this thread OP.

Waiting to hear how your new strategies and Paed appt go Jalapeno. Hope it's all good.