Child just started in Reception and I'm not happy about how her classroom staff seem to be working with her

[Bigsighfeelingupset]

I cannot believe I'm writing this post. This is my third child and I've always been happy with the school. Dd started in January. The school has always offered January entry but this year the council encouraged all schools in our city to offer one entry in September. The head at dd's school still offered entry at any point in the year and I took up January as dd isn't 5 till April and I preferred her to start later. Tha majority of parents took September. However dd was previously attending full time nursery and a number of children from her nursery have gone to the same school so socially starting ater seems to be going fine.
What's not going so well is the staff's attitude to dd. I can't believe I'm writing this - I am not at all 'precious' about my dcs - but I don't think they like her very much.
The first thing was that the class teacher felt the need to tell me (three days in) that it's very hard when 23 kids know the routine and 3 don't. Seeing as Reception is all about learning school routines I don't really get the problem?

The second thing was that she described dd as 'very stubborn'. Well yes she is. That's not a personality trait exclusive to her. They're working with four year olds. Most of them know their own minds and aren't that keen on negotiation. I guess I was just surprised that was the rait she would choose to comment on - not she asks lots of questions or she's very interested in other children or anything really that wasn't basically running her down.

Now today they've 'done' guided reading and I'm jus stunned by what the classroom assistant wrote in her record book. It's all been positive so far but today it's written that they looked at three pages (these are not big books) and it says 'Ok when on task but often preferred looking at the pictures instead of reading the book'
The previous week it's recorded that they (another memeber of staff) looked at the pictures with her for 'clues' to the text! I went in to speak to the TA because the book isn't in her bag - apparently they don't send the guided reading book home . She was very dismissive and negative and I said that yes she can be a bit hard to capture her interest but she enjoys the reading that we do at home and gets very keen (which is the absolute truth!) She said 'oh but she's just the same in phonics, she's in my group for that too and she won't concentrate'
At this point I thought I'd better go as we obviously weren't getting anywhere.
I don't know what to do. I actually feel a bit panic-stricken. Dd is an able and lively child. You do have to work to capture her focus sometimes but she's 4 after all. She's been at school 3 weeks. It just feels like they aren't putting any effort to do that. They won't do guided reading again till next week. The phonics - she's been doing this at nursery for years. I have pages and pages of her nursery observations showing that she could follow instructions and focus. The nursery staff were always so enthusiastic about her learning. I just don't know how to deal with this negativity.

I have a horror of being a pushy parent but I'm not putting up with negative and unhelpful comments in her reading record book for heavens sake.

What should I do? Or am I being unreasonable and the current trend in Recption is to be negative about the children you have?

I've namechanged btw because if I know you in RL I will be talking to you about this and you don't need to know my MN name!

Sorry it's so long.

Hi - this reminds me of when ds2 started school - in September a few years back - and we went to meet his teacher in the first few weeks for our first parent/teacher evening. I went in all excited to meet her - ready to hear how brilliant he is (because he is, obviously ) and she saw who we were, gave a huge sigh and said "Oh Dottydot'sds...Dottydot'sds" and shook her head wearily....

I was absolutely gutted that that had been her first reaction to him. He's bright, lively, noisy, enthusiastic and she basically found him a total pain....

He's now in year 3 and we've learnt that he seems to be a Marmite child - every other teacher so far has adored him - his year 1 and year 3 teachers think he's the bee's knees and his reports and parents' evenings have been fantastic. His reception teacher and year 2 teacher were full of woe about how difficult he finds it to concentrate and how noisy he is.

I don't know what the answer is except to say is your dd happy? ds was and is - he loves school and regardless of what any individual teacher says about him, he's happy, progressing well and loving it all, so we've accepted that that's just how it's going to be with him. We have spoken to him over the years about being generally less noisy/distracting and I think he's started to take it on board...

So, no real advice but lots of sympathy - we'd also had no worries at all about the school and teachers with ds1, so it came as a shock to us as well. Hope things settle and that your dd is happy - I think as long as she is, just see how it goes.

Thanks for the reply. Yes she seems happy - but then she is usually happy if doing her own thing and that's my big fear that they'll just view her as 'difficult' or 'nuaghty' and not try and engage with her.
I know it's a different setting but she goes to after school club on a couple of days and the staff there have been totally different - they enthise about her vibrancy.

I'd leave it a bit longer to see how it goes - see what books and homework start coming home and have you got a parents' evening this/next term? don't see what's wrong in looking at the pictures anyway, to be honest...!

try not to worry - it's early days and they probably need time to get to know her and the other new starters this term.

It's Parents Evening next week - I think I'd better go and be assertive about what I expect from them.

I must admit feeling hugely relieved when we met with ds2's year 1 teacher - after a year of his reception teacher sighing and shaking her head whenever she saw us - and her first words were "I like a lively child!". We were so grateful that she wouldn't just see him as a total pain....!

But he loved his reception teacher - won't have a word said against her or any of his teachers, regardless of how they saw him - and that's what I think is more important - if they're happy, I'm happy

good luck - I'm usually over assertive but turn to jelly at parents' evenings...!

Doesn't sound good, but if she's happy, I'd wait a couple of weeks to let things settle. If you're still worried after half term, you could ask for a meeting on the basis that she's one of the very few starting in January and say you just wonder how she's settling in. If they're still negative at that point, then I'd say it's fair enough to take issue. How do all the other parents find the team? i'd bet you're not the only one if they're like you describe.

As a teacher, I'd judt like to say some children are very 'difficult' in recpetion even though they are not like this at home, so sometimes parents have no idea just how difficult their children actually are for a teacher trying to teach a whole group of them at once. Obviously in an idea world reception classes wouldn't have more than 15 in a class, but the reality is different and not all kids cope with the routines of reception, or being told what to do, where to sit and when to talk and not.

Don't assume the staff don't like your DD just because of these comments. I'm sure they do like your DD, but she might still be a real handful.

So, to summarise,

• the teacher said it was difficult when all but 3 children knew the routine. This isn't a criticism of your child it is a statement of fact isn't it?
• the teacher described her as stubborn and you agree.
• a TA wrote that you DD did well when focussed but preferred to look at the pictures. This isn't a criticism, its a statement of fact. And you agree she struggles to stay focussed on stuff.

I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about as things stand. Were there fewer children in the nursery setting? If so, they would have been able to concentrate on your DD. In a class, the needs of all thirty need to be taken into account - they can't discount the rest. :)

I think the ratio of staff to kids at nursery and school is actually about the same. I know they have to manage the class - I just don't see why that involves the negativity currently on show. Yes she's stubborn, absolutely agree. I just didn't expect that the teacher's first opportunity to decribe her would be done in those terms. If she'd smiled and said 'she knows her own mind' I would feel totally different. But instead we had serious face and shake of head. I was surprised by the comment but it was the negativity that the TAdisplayed when talking about dd that really freaked me out. I was asking if I could do anything to work on this whilst acknowledging she doesn't focus 100% and I got nothing back. She's 4 after all - they aren't all 'on task' (awful phrase!) every minute of the day are they?

Smee - yes I have heard similar from other parents. I didn't take to the teacher when my second child was under her charge but second dc is far more compliant - easiest of my three.

Ah, well then it's not just about your DD if other parents feel the same. I'd honestly try not to worry if she's happy and doesn't seem to be noticing.

Good point Ok dh is coming with me to Parents Evening and we'll see what vibe we get. I'm so used to being laid back and generally happy with school that this is a real shock to the system.

Maybe the TA was just having a very bad day. Or maybe she's a grumpy swine. I would not sweat it.

Also just to say it is hard when you are used to say 24 kids and an extra three roll up three months after the first 24 so you have to start again with learning routines and the first 24 take the opportunity to play up because things are disrupted.

My dd hated reception and the teacher didnt seem to like her, I was really stressed , fine now in yr1.

I guess I didn't expect the two starts to be an issue as they have always done staggered intake.

I think the difference is that normally there would be two or three similar sized groups starting so each group would work together whereas this year they have had a full intake with a few stragglers arriving later and having to be incorporated into the established class.
It's hard but try not to take the comments personally to the staff they are just facts.

I am wondering if the comment about looking for clues in the pictures is actually intended as a positive. It's a strategy that our DCs are explicitly told to use.

Apart from that, yes, I'd say it's not nice when the first comments are negative, especially at so early a stage. As a TA, I would also not be commenting in this way about the group work, whatever my thoughts, because I'd see it as my job to manage that. Part of learning in reception is learning to concentrate, share, take turns, sit still etc etc. Children learn at different speeds.

Thanks Originaljamie - yes I read the first comment about using the pictures as positive - which is why today's 'huh she was more interested in the pictures' grates rather. Really good to read your perspective but yes I thought a child's attention was theirs to capture and not a given.

I will work on not taking this personally! Fair comment

It's a strategy that children aren't meant to be told to use!!! Children should NOT be using the pictures to read the words.

mrz - why not?

mrz- I've seen you say that before, but I've always been told by teaching staff I work with that using the pictures is a valid strategy. Phonics knowledge should be used first,but the use of pictures as a clue when they are stuck. Some of our lower level reading books at school rely on the use of the pictures to tell the story.

Because we don't read pictures we read words.
The pictures are to enhance the words and even to provide a separate story running alongside the text but they should not routinely be used by the child to speculate what the word might be.

Mrz - you're not our TA are you? Interesting that there are difefring views on this - and reassuring actually.
Dd is very secure with her phonics - which actually makes me wonder if the time they do that in groups is challenging enough. I know that sounds very 'pushy'

mrz, my DD constantly speculates what words might be from the pictures!