'Milly - please don't play hopscotch on the tomb of King Henry VIII...'

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were the words that came out of my mouth today on a school trip to Windsor Castle!

I have been chuckling all day about it!

Any other gems out there?

I do hope you said that in a clear, loud voice so that everyone around could roll their eyes at you.

Err, not particularly! I saw what she was doing and just said it. It was very funny.

oh, I meant in a Loud Parenting kind of way.

It was a joke.

We hear a lot of that here, "Jemima, would you like to chose your favourite sushi?"

sorry..........

s'alright. I thought it was a known one on MN.

I think all our people with potentially funny stories are on the Waitrose thread right now chatting about aspirational toiletries.

I thought this must be a line from a Joyce Grenfell monologue, I can just hear it in her voice.

My three year old asked "Is God Jesus' daddy."
We said "Yes, dear."
Then she pointed at a painting of the Christ Child in Mary's arms with Joseph at one side and said
"Then who's that?"

There are some might think it deliciously appropriate for a young girl to dance on Henry's grave!
Here's one heard on a crowded bus:
Little girl: "Mummy, how can you tell whether a cat is a mummy cat or a daddy cat?"
A sinister hush descends on the whole bus as they await the mother's answer.
Mummy: "A daddy cat's got whiskers, darling!"

Soundswrite
That reminds me of being at the zoo and seeing a bull elephant getting frisky with one of the herd.

"Oh, LOOK Daddy, the daddy elephant loves the mummy elephant lots and lots", announced a young girl, to the vast amusement of the crowd.

Reminds me of my DBs classic when he was younger.

Sitting in the end of the pier show with reguar (very cheesy) compere on stage.
Compere calls his grand-daughter onto the stage and says to (not terribly interested) audience:
"Here's my Hayley, she's grown a few feet since you last saw her"

DB shouts out "why, how many has she got now?"
Cue DM & DDad quietly sinking under velour seats...

In the cinema with DS: Puss in Boots has been captured and is in dungeon with obligatory mad old man with waist length beard. Lull in soundtrack (presumably director wants audience to reflect on the horror of Puss's situation) into which DS interjects "At least he's got a friend..."

Whenever DS misbehaves in public I always feel other parents are listening, disapprovingly, to me channelling the late Joyce, and saying ineffectually "George... don't do that George..."

My 5 year old said in Lidl the other day: "mummy, what a beautifully packaged Brie"

How I chuckled.

'Don't you dare touch that, its worth eighty million pounds!' were the words that rolled off a National Gallery curator's tongue as one of the little in my charge tested whether the paint was dry.

That was little g*

'Mummy if you tell me where daddy keeps the baby seeds I promise I wont go and look for them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Is that Grandpa in that flower box?

My now university aged cousin has never lived down his moment of fame at our Grandfather's funeral - DCoz was about 4 and DG would have enjoyed the looks on the congregations' faces

In my classroom today:
Child: 'how do you know if its an egg or if it has a chick in it?'
Me: 'If there isnt a rooster around it will be an egg we can eat.'
Child: 'huh?'
Me: 'You need a mummy chicken and a daddy chicken. For there to be a chick'
Different Child sitting to the side of me, whispers to himself and does hand movements: 'flappy flappy!'

quite

Chicken sex will be from now known as flappy flappy.

Following my Dad's coffin out of the church "are we going to see Grandpa's skeleton now?"
cheered me up!

What's the capital of Scotland?
S

Hahaha flappy flappy I bloody love kids

Me (age 4) on a plane about to depart: "Daddy, are we going to see God?"
White-faced fellow passenger: "I bloody well hope not"

Very sad occasion, cousin died unexpectedly. DD had (unhelpfully) been allowed to watch michael jackson's thriller video by her dad at halloween, and this was only a month later. I tried to gently explain what had happened, so she knew and understood, and DD's response was 'will cousin be a zombie now mum'?

Capital of Scotland, S!

Was reading with my daughter today and she was wild, saying we have to read the book while running up and down the living room. Then she threw the book over her head. I said this is horrible. I'm not doing this any more, and picked the book up, closed it and put it back on the shelf. Looking at me she laughed in an impish fashion and then said.. Don't give up!

I did enjoy the teacher that I overheard on a trip to Bodiam Castle, rounding children up onto the coach as they emerged from the gift shop:

"IF any of you have purchased SWORDS, LANCES, SHIELDS or other items of WEAPONRY kindly store them in the overhead lockers and DO NOT touch them again until we arrive back at school."

I was teaching sixth form today and found myself booming,

"Cai! Stop psychologically profiling me!"