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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Just tell me if this sounds ok

31 replies

letsblowthistacostand · 21/01/2012 22:48

DD2 will start reception in September. A good friends dd will also start in the same school. It's a 3-form entry and I would very much rather they not be in the same class. I'm planning to speak to the school before classes are allocated and simply say that the 2 girls don't get along and would be better separated. Does that sound reasonable? With 90 children it should be quite easy for them to be in different classes, right?

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StealthPolarBear · 21/01/2012 22:56

I think it sounds fine. But can 4 year olds really get on so badly that they need to be separated? Downplaying it at school.might sort the isssue out, separating them might re inforce it in their minds. Ds is 4 and has only just got to the stage where he recognises his friends out of context!

Original poster

letsblowthistacostand · 21/01/2012 23:09

Trust me on this one. We've known each other since before the girls were born, they have spent plenty of time together in many situations, almost always with other children, it's very rare that there isn't an incident. A bad incident. I wouldn't have believed it either but they really can't get along.

So I will just put it casually to the school, you can request children be in the same class so it should be easy enough. I'm pretty worried about the whole thing.

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StealthPolarBear · 21/01/2012 23:11

Well if its that much of an issue probably best you let te school know anyway. Will the other mum back u up so the school see its not your issue that you're passing on to the children

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 22/01/2012 03:41

Tell the school that you would prefer the girls are split but don't lie. Once they are there and playing happily at playtime it will make you look silly. Teachers must be used to having kids being exclusive with each other and should understand the need to ex tend friendships etc.

PastSellByDate · 22/01/2012 04:31

letsblow

I think you should only raise this if this is done with your friend as well.

Otherwise your friend may end up learning you requested your DD was in a different class to her child, which might prove difficult. It also may put the other child on a difficult footing as she starts in the new environment. And, frankly, it may also mean that the school labels you (with the dreaded PITA tag) as your DD starts in this new environment.

I'm not sure what happened between your DD and this girl - but children are constantly supervised at school and with three forms, there is a strong chance (2 out of 3) that the child will be placed in a different form.

If the problem exhibits itself at school - trust me they'll separate the children for you. If this child is extremely violent or mentally unstable - the school will also deal with that and the likelihood is she will be swiftly removed from the enviornment entirely.

desertgirl · 22/01/2012 04:43

why should she find out? I asked for DS and a little girl who lives on the same compound to be in different classes because they have been spending a lot of the afternoons together and I didn't want to spoil their friendship by excess living in each other's pocket... didn't mention to the mother (though I could have...) because was afraid it might sound wrong.

3duracellbunnies · 22/01/2012 07:01

I agree if possible try to discuss it with your friend if you think she will agree. If not have a confidential discussion with the school, do it fairly early on, our school gave out class lists at first parent meeing in June.

I would make it clear that they get on with other children but that they have seen a lot of each other, maybe they have more of a sibling relationship and that you would rather that they aren't in the same class. Schools don't always act on things, but at least you have spoken to them.

exoticfruits · 22/01/2012 07:15

I don't see why you need to discuss it with the friend. If you do it early enough and it is 3 form entry there won't be a problem. The school doesn't know them, so will be only too pleased to be able to avoid children that may be a problem together. It isn't putting blame-just stating a fact.

changeforthebetter · 22/01/2012 07:29

Tell the school now. DD was split up from her "best friend" - she was and is a lovely kid from a lovely family but very confident and she totally dominated DD who lacks confidence anyway. They were a bit sad at first and have now drifted apart (it's a big primary) but it was probably for the best. There were no incidents. I am sure the school will be glad of the information and as it is a similar size to DD's, it will be easy to sort out.

IndigoBell · 22/01/2012 07:47

As long as you tell school before classes are allocated it should be fine.

eleanorsmum · 22/01/2012 07:54

I'd def speak to school but remember reception is meant to be a free flow environment so if the three classes share one space ( depends on school layout) they will meet or see each other during the day not just lumchtimes.

mrz · 22/01/2012 08:28

I think the school need to be aware there have been serious incidents because there will be times in the day when the children will be together even if they are in different classes.

Original poster

letsblowthistacostand · 22/01/2012 09:51

Thanks for all the advice and opinions! It's all very helpful.

I don't want to lay blame anywhere, I don't want to label the other child as bad (she's not.) DD2 is in the nursery already and DD1 is in y1 at the same school so the staff know us and have formed their own opinions about DD2. Friend's DD is in another nursery.

I think they'll be fine to mix outside of class, the 3 reception classes have a common outdoor area and share phonics groups etc. Friend's DD will make friends in her class and hopefully the problems will fade over time.

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mrz · 22/01/2012 10:08

It really depends how reception works ...if it's a shared area with free flow outdoors (as EYFS guidance says is good practice) and the classes mix for phonics they will be together as much as they would if they were in the same class

RustyBear · 22/01/2012 10:09

What if the other girl's mum asks if they can be together, because her DD is at a different nursery and it would help her settle if there was someone she knew in her class? The school won't be able to tell her why they're not together, but it'll be difficult for them to give another reason, so she may guess. This happened at DD's school several years ago and led to a few nasty scenes in the playground....

mrz · 22/01/2012 10:11

It isn't a case of labelling just identifying a problem

exoticfruits · 22/01/2012 10:31

You are all making a mountain out of a molehill!! Just pop in and mention it.

camdancer · 22/01/2012 11:08

DS had this with a friend. The school sent out an "all about me" form before they allocated classes. One of the questions was does your child have any friends that they want to be in a class with. I just said that putting DS with this child would not be a good combination. (They are the type to sit next to each other just to poke each other! Love each other but just a bit silly and too physical together. Definitely 6 of one and half a dozen of the other - both to blame.) The other child was the child of a friend of mine but I didn't mention it to her, nor do I know if she said anything.

The nice thing was that DS's preschool teacher told the reception teacher the same thing! The result is that they are in different classes but also the teachers know just to keep a bit of an eye on them when they are together. It has all worked very well.

Original poster

letsblowthistacostand · 22/01/2012 16:45

Yes it is a mountain out of a molehill! But it's been on my mind and I want to get my point across without making it seem like either kid is a nightmare (they aren't)!! Thanks for the positive story camdancer I know it shouldn't be a problem.

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exoticfruits · 22/01/2012 16:50

I didn't mean that you were making a mountain out of a molehill OP-it was a perfectly reasonable question. I meant people who start saying what if the other mum..........' which really isn't your problem.'

cottonmouth · 22/01/2012 16:50

I think it is good to provide the school with the info, but not to recommend the action they take.

everlong · 22/01/2012 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 22/01/2012 19:03

I would bet they would gravitate together.

everlong · 22/01/2012 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrz · 22/01/2012 20:12

In a playground full of children the two you are trying to keep apart will always discover a way to get together no matter how often parents tell them to find other friends. IMHE they may stay apart initially but soon some invisible force seems to draw them to each other

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