What could have happened to DS's bag? And hats?

[Scootergrrrl]

DS started a new school this week and in five days, has managed to misplace three hats, a pair of gloves and his school bag. He's only 5, so they are watched quite closely, and he says he hangs things on his peg and then when he comes back from lunch or whatever, they are gone. His new teacher is searching high and low for them with no success, particularly his bag which is quite distinctive. Where could they have gone? Suggestions or ideas of what to do next welcome.

You assume that the child in question firstly had the level of need to require an adult's help in the cloakroom and also that he was upset by the mocking.

It was affectionate teasing by children who have known him since they were 4. He was well liked and was joining in the laughing very happily. He knows he is slightly scatty and is happy to admit it. Occasionally he would turn the joke on himself, I'd hold up something that was obviously either a girl's or a younger child's and he would say 'Oh thats probably mine as well!!'

If it had been a different child, less confident or well liked, or if the child had seemed distressed I would have stopped.

He had very mild dispraxia which made his handwriting scruffy and may have contributed to his ability to lose things. He did not have needs that required me to hang things on his peg for him.

But of course, you know all this about the children I teach and are well within your rights to critise my desicions....

Would you prefer none of these things to ever be questioned? I've spent enough time working with children and teenagers with Asperger Syndrome and various co morbids like dyspraxia to know the effects on self esteem and behaviour

Decision

criticise

BarbarianMum as the mother of such a child (when my son left primary I had a boot full of "lost property" he'd accumulated over 7 years of school, including 2 pairs of trousers (how?) and every letter home he'd ever been given (or so it seemed) and yes it was a standing joke both in school and at home one which he joined in with

and yes my son has dyspraxia and ASD and I laughed too ... does that make me a bad mother?

I dont really see why you need to question them. My Head, line manager, mentor certainly might inquire as to the child's well being if I recounted the same story. But what exactly does it have to do with you? If I said 'Oh yeah he was in tears, it was soooo funny' what could you have done about it? Your post suggests that by questioning teachers on mumsnet you are preventing bad things happening to children.

My point was it seems odd to assume the child would be upset when you don't know anything about any of the people involved. It saddens me that everyone jumps to the conclusion that I would allow a child to be mocked in my classroom.

The information I had to go on was that a child in your classroom was laughed at for his disability.

I queried that, and have been reassured.

I rarely question people on MN, but regularly challenge similar attitudes in real life simply because it really does happen and it really is horrible for the child involved, who often doesn't have the vocabulary to tell the apparently well-meaning adult to stop.

At no point did I mean you personally are definitely like that, but surely you can see why more information was needed and my eyebrow raised?

Oh, and posting it on the internet invites comments which you may not agree with

wellthen you mentioned his dyspraxia in relation to his ability to organise himself - its not that surprising if other posters surmise a link b/w the 2 then, surely? And you did it on a public forum. So it seems a bit strange that you object to people questioning your post.

Personally, I found being the class joke got very fucking wearing^ after a few years, I'm glad others have a better sense of humor.

I can't type quickly, either...

It's good to know the difference between laughing with you and laughing at you

Yep, and I've known teens with severe dyspraxia laugh at tripping over invisible alien daisies/teens with AS calling it Ass Burgers blah blah

Ime it's funny because the person is instigating the joke to relieve the embarrassment. If I made the same kind of comment to them, it would likely be bullying because I don't know the state of their self esteem

and you don't know if the child wellthen mentioned wasn't the instigator of the giggles either because you weren't there so have based your negative judgement on a few typed words on a forum

Please could you quote my negative judgement because I've just reread my posts and all I see are questions

Ok I can see mentioning his dyspraxia gave the story a spin I didn't intend. I don't know why I mentioned it really, I dont think the kids connected the two, they just saw that he had a difficulty with his handwriting. I can see it made it appear we were laughing at his dyspraxia when actually I dont think the rest of the class even thought of it. Wasn't really relevant, my bad.

Agreed, being the class joke is no fun and I always judged the situation to see if he was getting fed up.

I think the reason I got pissed off, and perhaps the reason mrz is defending me (thanks!) is that it can seem like parents are just waiting for you to do something bad, as if all teachers hate children. We care deeply about our children so naturally get a bit narked when someone says we happily allow bad things to happen to them.

I can see this wasn't anyone's intention. Bun fight over

Oh good

I've done learning support in both mainstream and special schools and at least 50% of the teachers I've met would not see an issue with a class laughing at a child in the way you described I've often felt like the only "professional" who actually cared about the child rather than ofsted or public image

PurplePidjin perhaps you can now appreciate how easy it is to misinterpret words on an internet page because it certainly seemed negative and I apologise if wasn't intended to be so.

Now? Always did.

If I'd been judging negatively I'd have involved far more swearing

Scooter, name everything! Also, go in and have a look, ask if you can have a poke around in the lost property box.

Could you mention it to the other mums, just in a jokey way, not accusatory, just asking them to keep an eye out because things can get mixed up so easily?

my kids' primary school used to have lost property full of labelled articles too - in their opinion it was up to parents to come in & look, which I was a bit about as they're there every day & the parents aren't. & they used to "dispose of" lost property every half term so if you weren't on the ball it would have gone.

for those whose schools are equally laid back about your stuff, would it be possible for the Friends/PTA to have a nominated person with enough time to go through lost property on a regular basis, & either distribute to rightful owners or publish a list so that owners could come & collect?

In our school the children know where the lost property is kept, if they lose something they go look for it. It's not a question of schools being "laid back" about lost property, it's parents and children who either can't be bothered to name them or can't be bothered to look. If you have time to go in and complain about a lost item you have enough time to go in and have a look for it.

The thing that irritates me most though is when you decide to replace it the old one miraculously turns up!!

Oddly DS1 (11) loses things constantly and his brother (7) very rarely. I try to teach DS1 a lesson by refusing to replace non essential items (I will only buy him two pairs of gloves per year otherwise he has to live with freezing hands, it makes no difference whatsoever). He once lost his school PE sweatshirt which is a non essential item so I left it two months before I took pity on him and bought a new one. The day after buying it he came home with the old one! Allegedly his friend had 'just' brought it in from home?????!!!!

Arrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The owners of all the named (and unnamed) stuff in the lost property box don't go looking for it, because they are happily walking around wearing my DS's (very clearly named) clothes.

It would be very tempting to take one of the unnamed ones, but they are all grey, stained and holey.