Could there be something wrong with DD?

[BandOMothers]

And the way she learns? She's 7...youngest in her year 3 class. She began at her new school in September so has had to get used to a new place etc but has settled in well. It's a very good school. Outstanding and really nice. Her teacher (I really like her) is well respected and all the parents speak highly of her.

The teacher has told me right from the beginning of term that DD struggles with comprehension when it requires her to think for herself....eg. they read a passage which describes a day out a little boy has at the beach....then DD has to answer questions on a worksheet.

She is fine with things like "What did they have for their picnic lunch?" because the correct answer is there in black and white...she knows it by reading back or remembering.

but when a question like "Can you describe what kind of clothing people might wear on a day at the beach?" she hits a blank....the teacher says she just says "I don't know."

The teacher told me to support this by asking similar open questions at home regarding books or pictures...but DD seems uncomfortable about this and says "oh i dont' know!" all grumpy if I ask.

She does have very good spelling, reading and writing skills and average maths...her art work is of a very high standard and also extremely imaginative...she draws detailed pictures and enjoys writing a story...her stories however are quite simple...eg.

"Once there was a little girl called Mary and she went to the shops with her sister Becky. They went to the park on the way and played on the swings. It was fun.Then they went to the shop and bought some sweets. the sweets were big and pink. After that they went home and had chips for their tea." I have paraphrased but that's very similar to her stories.

Prior to this she was at a small private prep which was very academic. They were happy with her. Her new teacher says she has been spoon fed and whilst it has gvgiven her strong ground in the basics she is lacking in imaginative skills and doesn't seem to trust herself.

Well what would someone wear on a beach? I've been on a beach in boots, jeans and thick coat.

Maybe she needs more of a link to the book, perhaps; "what do you think the boy in the story wore at the beach? Was it a sunny day? Did he go swimming? Did he wear the same things to swim as to eat the picnic?"

Had 4 DC to whom I read until they were about 10. Then looked after a granddaughter who would allow no one to read to her after she was 7 and fluent. Quite sad for me, but they are all voracious readers as adults.

Could you try asking her about a book she has read to herself? 'What have you been reading', 'What happens?', 'Oh why did that happen?'

Or watch a film together and then pop out and come back and ask 'oh why is such-and-such crying?', 'Where are they going?' etc etc

Maybe if she thinks it's a genuine question i.e. you're asking because you don't know, rather than you testing her (it must seem like that if you ask her about a book you're reading/film you're watching because she knows you already know the answer) then she may be more willing to answer.

The other thing I would try is making an incorrect inference and seeing if she corrects you. For example if reading about a summers day at the beach say 'I hope Tom remembers to take his gloves/coat/scarf'. See if she questions it or just accepts that he may need his scarf on a summers day.

Honestly I think you are getting stressed at the moment. Your daughter sounds clever, so she definitely knows you are and will read it as disappointment which will only make things worse. She will begin to see any similar question as a test of her 'cleverness'.

Mine did that until I backed off. I still worry inside and I know she is still a perfectionist and I still think I have damaged her-not saying you have damaged yours , but it is so much easier now working with her. It is my guilt I have to deal with,but that is another story.

Please try to take it easy. It is hard,but I agree with MsMarple and Hare. Listen to stories in the car,etc,but don't ask her questions for a while. Laugh and probably talk about a real life experience. So for example, if it is about a beach,say, 'I remember when I was your age and I went to the beach,I wore ... ,because it was summer/winter and it was so hot/cold...' She will begin to relax after a while.

Goodluck!

Hare I actually remember thinking questions at school must be "more complicated" than they appeared to be...I used to complicate things for myself by coming up with the answer and then dismissing is as too simple.

I'm not suggesting she or I are gifted at all...I was not very academic...just creative and with a seemingly odd thought process. I suspect she might be like me....I will do as people suggest and try to talk to her about tv and films...she likes talking about Spongebob (hmm) and even that should allow me to practice those skills mentioned by Tilly and others.

I'm not touchy bluebell but your post seemed self congratulatory and sniffy. You celebrated your own relationship with your DD and then listed one way in which you related. And said you couldnt get your head around a 7 year old like mine. It was an insensitive post.

Play chess or Go with her. They're games in which creating imaginative scenarios is necessary for survival. Try looking for ranges of activities, not necessarily academic ones where imagining various alternatives is necessary. Assault courses and team building exercises often contain these elements. Once she sees that actively imagining alternatives can be useful she may be more likely to engage in it at other times.

Your dd probably finds it hard to come up with a perfect answer for you, and so won't say anything for fear of getting it wrong. It should be fun and enjoyable not a test. Your teacher has told you to leave it as she is tired, why not just chill, relax and let her enjoy being 7. It is great that she is so independent. It doesn't really sound to me that you have anything to worry about. I think the inference thing comes later to some children, my dd definitely found it easier than my ds, who is older, to think about what might happen next in a story. But he has a great imagination and writes great stories. Honestly she sounds fine. I'm sorry you felt my post was insensitive.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your DD. I think our kids are maybe a bit tired of being asked questions all the time. They know that we are trying to test them, etc. (and I'm the guiltiest of all the mums on mumsnet, believe me).

However, I wanted to share this. I don't know if this is useful, but I tried it with my DS, and he liked it. Basically he has to ask ME questions about a book/passage that he has just read (or that I just read to him - or you could watch a cartoon/film on TV, or listen to a story, and she has to ask you questions about that). Then, when YOU answer, you can expand (making inferences, or giving your opinion, etc), and maybe "trick" your DD and ask for her opinion etc and have some sort of discussion, or you can answer with a wrong answer and see if she's ok with that. Also, you can then say, "You'll ask me 2 questions, and then I'll ask you 2 questions, so it's fair for both of us".

I think this role reversal gives the child some power. The child could then give you a grade for how much she liked your answers.

Good luck.