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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Was it silly to sign greeting cards for all the children in the class?

61 replies

abc123d · 14/12/2011 12:01

My DS is in Y1. For the 2nd year we have decided to buy greeting cards for all kids in the Y1. The other day my DS kind of told me with disappointment he did not get a postcard from some of his classmate. Yesterday the same. I feel for him and think that may be we have been silly buying 30 cards. I told him that many children do not buy cards for everyone. He was clearly disappointed he did not get cards from some of the children. He spent all Sunday evening signing the cards. I told him that next year we will only prepare greeting cards for those children who had given cards in F and Y1. He was all right with it.

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ElfOnTheShelf · 14/12/2011 12:08

DD is in Y3 and wrote cards for the whole class but is prepared to only get back from those she plays most with tbh. Tell your DS he has been a very kind friend writing to all the class but maybe some of the children aren't confident writing their own cards or don't have willing parents to sit and help them write them. He may well be the only child to give to certain children which is lovely. It's still not the end of term yet, he may well get a few by the time he breaks up.

What a lovely DS you have

DeWe · 14/12/2011 12:08

Some families don't do cards. Some don't do cards except for close friends.

My dd's have usually done cards for all the girls and any special friends of the boys. They've never minded not having cards back. 30+ cards each when you have 3 dc adds up to quite a price.

daveywarbeck · 14/12/2011 12:10

You don't do greetings cards (or gifts, or kindnesses of any kind) to get them back, it's not a transaction. A good opportunity to teach your DS this has been missed.

redlac · 14/12/2011 12:12

I don't do cards outside immediate family however DD who is in P1 wanted to write cards to all her classmates. She is doing a couple a night though as she wants not only to sign them all but write their names in the card and on the envelope - I can see this loosing the attraction pretty quickly and there will be some who don't get cards unfortunately.

redskyatnight · 14/12/2011 12:38

Getting my DS to write cards was like extracting teeth in Y1. consequently he only wrote a few to his very best friends.

Some families will do cards for a few girls.
Some bring in a small gift for every child.
Some families will not celebrate Christmas and not do any cards.
Some families will struggle to think of the name of every child in their DC's class.

Let your DS write as many or few cards as he likes. Only writing them to people who will give him one back seems extremely miserly.

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 14/12/2011 12:47

Munch (year 1) did cards for everyone in school...there are 65 of them. He didn't write them on the basis he'd get some back in fact he's not really been interested in opening the cards he's had. I was amazed he wanted to do any and sat with gritted teeth and a glass of wine him while he did them all....

It made me feel the very opposite of festive

Seona1973 · 14/12/2011 13:35

ds wanted to write cards to everyone in his class (he is in P1 and his class only has 18 children) but isnt too bothered who gives him one back. DD wrote cards to her whole class too (P4) but she has 29 in her class so it took a bit longer. Again she likes getting cards back but isnt upset if she doesnt get one from everybody.

DuchessofMalfi · 14/12/2011 14:05

DD has sent cards to everyone in her class. I'm sure she doesn't expect to get the same number back, but she is very excited when she does get a card. I even sent cards to everyone at DS's nursery (I have no idea who he knows/plays with, so thought it best to send one to everyone).

cat64 · 14/12/2011 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

abc123d · 14/12/2011 14:49

I did tell my DS that it was nice of him to write cards to all children in the classroom. I did also tell him that not everyone is going to sign the cards to everyone or even buy them at all. He is still little and it is not easy for him to understand why some do and some do not.
When he got his first cards we went to the shop and bought a pack of 30 cards for around £2.00 (Tesco sells small cards for £1.50). Even though there were moments when he did not want to write the cards (feeling lazy) I insisted on doing it. He was so pleased receiving those cards from his classmates. Why not to do the same in return? That is what we did. As for the next year time will show but I had to cheer him up.

OP posts:

daveywarbeck · 14/12/2011 14:50

Why not do the same in return? Clearly those parents aren't as marvellous as you.

redskyatnight · 14/12/2011 16:24

I think the trouble may have been that you insisted on him doing it ... so he feels like there should be some reward.

This year DD (Y1) has written cards to all her friends and just her friends, including 2 to 1 girl who lost the first card!! She had huge fun giving them out and does not care in the least how many she gets back.

DS (Y3) started off by writing 2 cards to his 2 best friends. However, he's since had a large number of cards which has made him decide that he wanted to send more.

Elibean · 14/12/2011 16:28

dd1 has never wanted to do cards for everyone in her class. A few of them do, but most just do a handful of cards for their favourite friends - especially now she's got to Y3. This year she made cards for all the girls (half the class), for example.

Mind you, I've always just let her choose because she has loads of thank you cards to do at this time of year (preXmas birthday) and its all a bit overwhelming.

onceinawhile · 14/12/2011 17:05

DD1 did cards for everyone in her class when she was in Y1 - DS1 only wanted to do cards for a few close friends. I felt bad for those who sent him cards but were not reciprocated, but I wasn't going to make him do it for the whole class. It's bad enough getting them to do homework and all the rest, this is just one area where I try and butt out of!

Original poster

abc123d · 14/12/2011 18:04

Thank you everyone for all your comments. The reason why I insisted on writing to all the children in the class is because I did not know whether the cards should be written to everyone or just to close friends. DS is friendly with everyone. When I asked him who did he want to write the cards to, he said, "to everyone". I now know why he felt disappointed. Last year the teacher and TA used to put the cards into childrens' bookbags and this year the children sit in a circle and give the cards out. I can imagine how some children feel if they see that other children get the cards and they do not.
Today, he got more cards and he feels happy. He feels happy that other children care about him. It is a nice gesture after all.

OP posts:

BloooCowWonders · 14/12/2011 18:44

I think you're rather confused if you think (and therefore teach him) that receiving a card equates to being cared about.
Maybe time to re-evaluate what messages he's getting from you.

RosemaryandThyme · 14/12/2011 18:49

It could be that other parents are muddled too by the cards at school situation - my Y2 sent cards to the eight children he plays with most - and got back two from that eight, and 20 from other children - rashly thought of rushing to send cards to all those we'd missed but too late, class-room post box finished yesterday.
Children don't tend to nbe the slightest bit bothered by any of this, it's just sometimes parents link cards with popularity (rather than cards = confusion all round).

BroomBuBuBum · 14/12/2011 18:52

I think it's very very odd that you think not getting card equals not being cared about. You can't expect everyone to send him a card, not just because some people don't celebrate Christmas and some people can't afford the cards but also because you can't expect everyone to like him. When I was at school we only gave cards to friends, otherwise surely there's no meaning to it.

UniS · 14/12/2011 19:28

DS in Y1 is sending those he wants to write, no more, no less. And if that means Tom gets 3 and Jack gets none, well, thats just the way it went this year.

He is looking at teh cards and deciding which card will suit which child which I didn't expect , so a friend who likes trains has had a train card, a child with a "carton film" lunchbox has been sent a "cartoon film" card even tho DS is not very friendly with that child. I have reminded him that his last chance to write cards is tomorrow but he had no interest in writing any tonight. I expect he will have ended up sending cards to about half the class.

EcoLady · 15/12/2011 09:33

30 children in a class, giving cards to every other child, plus the teacher and TAs means more than 900 cards in every class.

It that really a sensible use of cash, time and trees?

My DCs send cards to the best friends only. I don't do cards for people I see and instead wish them a Happy Christmas in person.

Original poster

abc123d · 15/12/2011 11:04

EcoLady, may I ask you if you are a vegan?

OP posts:

QED · 15/12/2011 11:11

DD did cards just for girls and is now doing ones to people she has had them from. DS did them for the whole class (was surprised but he just sat there and did it). They both know that not everyone will send cards for various reasons.

A couple of years ago DS finally finished his the night before the last day of term. It snowed massively and school was closed on the last day of term. So he never did give those cards out

takeonboard · 15/12/2011 11:13

If you only give in expectation of receiving, you are guaranteed to be disappointed. Do it or don't - but leave others to do as they like.

Original poster

abc123d · 15/12/2011 11:32

takeonboard , you sound like you like receiving but you do not like giving in return.
We bought the cards after DS had received his first cards from the classmates. What do you think we should have done instead? Nothing?
If we buy the cards just for friends then may be we should give sweets on birthdays to friends too. In many schools children on their birthdays bring sweets to school and share them with the classmates, with everyone whether they like someone or not. I cannot imagine my DS sharing sweets (whatever) with his friends only, so and Christmas cards. And you do not have to buy cards. Some children made their own beautiful cards. They are in our little box and in many years to come it would be nice to look back at these nice memories.
As for the next year, I think we will definitely go for our own-made cards. We will make them for all the classmates.

OP posts:

takeonboard · 15/12/2011 11:37

I told him that next year we will only prepare greeting cards for those children who had given cards in F and Y1. He was all right with it.

Your words not mine!

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