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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Was it silly to sign greeting cards for all the children in the class?

61 replies

abc123d · 14/12/2011 12:01

My DS is in Y1. For the 2nd year we have decided to buy greeting cards for all kids in the Y1. The other day my DS kind of told me with disappointment he did not get a postcard from some of his classmate. Yesterday the same. I feel for him and think that may be we have been silly buying 30 cards. I told him that many children do not buy cards for everyone. He was clearly disappointed he did not get cards from some of the children. He spent all Sunday evening signing the cards. I told him that next year we will only prepare greeting cards for those children who had given cards in F and Y1. He was all right with it.

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NightLark · 15/12/2011 11:38

DS (Y1) sent about 9 cards, I think.

He is a slow, painstaking writer still, and these 9 took him a long time.

He sent to his very closest friends (a random selection, valid for a few days only), plus two that I insisted on because he sees them all the time and I know they consider him a close friend.

He was not particularly bothered about either sending or receiving cards.

They are all different. It's not a popularity contest, and there will be a fair few children who just are not that interested.

Original poster

abc123d · 15/12/2011 11:44

takeonboard, that was a kind of a joke to cheer him up.
He is very happy to receive the cards so why not to make other children happy too or pleased.

OP posts:

Original poster

abc123d · 15/12/2011 12:03

Actually, I think it is wrong of me to decide for my DS who to give the cards to. May be as an adult I want him to be friendly with everyone but it is not always possible. I see giving cards as a nice gesture ( I remember my school years and I hated the rivalry between pupils; no-one cared how to make things up nice; it is probably a part of growing up but with the help of adults we can change some things for better).
How long it is going to last, one more year? We will see.

OP posts:

savoycabbage · 15/12/2011 12:09

I have taken no notice of who my dd has written cards to and who has sent her cards. Perhaps this is why she is unaffected by it. She had a lovely time choosing

savoycabbage · 15/12/2011 12:11

Whoops-pressed too soon...

Choosing which card would be suitable for which friend.

cat64 · 15/12/2011 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

strandednomore · 15/12/2011 14:43

Dd2's 4th birthday is two weeks before Christmas and I had to organise a party for 18 preschoolers as well as trying to get all the normal Christmas stuff done before pre-school broke up. Someone then casually mentioned that children at dd1's school often sent out 30 cards each (we were abroad this time last year so missed it all in her reception class). My head exploded.

In my little opinion, I think there are more things to worry about than how many cards my dd's give out. They have both done the friends they care about and their teachers, as well as relatives and I think we'll leave it at that

glitch · 15/12/2011 14:52

Oh dear, feeling really guilty now.

We bought cards in order for my DS to write them but we have run out of time (the teachers ones took us HOURS to finish yesterday). I'm not sending them out with my writing on them but didn't realise that some children will be monitoring who they get them from, just assumed there were so many they wouldn't notice.

It just takes my DS so long to write, it is a massive job just to put his name (he is yr 1) and I didn't manage our time very well. Perhaps it is the same with some of the children in your DS's class.

EcoLady · 15/12/2011 17:47

abc123d No I'm not a vegan. Your point is ... ?

RosemaryandThyme · 15/12/2011 17:55

OK so having not received all the cards you think you should have this year, your now planning on making and writing cards for all the same folk next year - are you just trying to wind yourself up ?
wont you be compalining that not only did you not get another 30 cards but that the ones you did get wern't home-made ?

Original poster

abc123d · 15/12/2011 18:17

RosemaryandThyme, read the rest of the thread.
EcoLady, I was just wondering whether you care as much about animals as about plants.

OP posts:

EcoLady · 15/12/2011 19:10

abd123d The clue is in my username! I've made a career of caring for the environment and have only recently quit to retrain as a primary teacher. My placement class have had one collective card from me for the classroom wall and they chose which environmental charity I gave the 'card money' to. They liked it.

ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2011 19:13

DD1 wrote cards for all her classmates. Today she came home and said that one of her friends opened the card and said he didn't want it and gave it back - but it all ended up OK because apparently one of the boys in the class snuck it into ungrateful friend's schoolbag when he wasn't looking

exoticfruits · 15/12/2011 19:22

They are maybe like my DS. Early on he said that he couldn't see the point because he wrote 'to Josh from Ben' and then he swapped with 'to Ben form Josh' and they could save time and not bother. (needless to say he wasn't keen on writing) To start with I 'encouraged' him to do a few, but 6 was about the limit. By 9yrs he had given up completely.He has never sent them and I don't expect that he will.

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 15/12/2011 19:34

Op, maybe you could take the opportunity to teach your ds about not giving to receive, and not taking things like not getting a card from someone as a personal slight?

Original poster

abc123d · 15/12/2011 22:12

TheSpreadingChestnutTree, he is a little child! As I said earlier he was upset because the teacher asked them to sit in a circle to share the cards. He gave cards (he spent his Sunday evening writing childrens' names and signing them) to all the kids in the class but got only a few back. It is sometimes not easy for a child to understand these things. He is not spoilt and he is not demanding cards and he is not cunning. He is often shy and naive and I do not wish him to be like that.
He is not questioning anymore why he does not get cards from some children because now he understand why some give them and some do not.

OP posts:

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 15/12/2011 22:26

I didn't say he was spoilt or cunning. I would never say such a thing about a child, but my suggestion was a genuine one, which I see from your reply you have already taken up.

PastSellByDate · 16/12/2011 12:10

Hi abc123d

I think the real issue is the fact that you can't buy cards in packs of 30. They sell cards obviously for children (at Sainbury's at least) which are in packs of 24 so you have to buy 2 packs (48 cards) if you want to give a card to everybody.

At our school at least - a lot of parents wait for 2 for 3 offers (if they have 2 kids) or just buy the 1 pack if time is pressing on.

That does mean in those cases where only one pack of cards is bought some children are left out. I hope it won't be your DS - but it may be.

I do understand the disappointment on his part (and yours for him) - but there are some secret compensations (at least my agenda in having my DDs write cards is to get them writing. I'm always saying - oh don't just sign it - write something nice for them to read to encourage a bit more practice with writing). The DDs are so intent of writing to their friends they really don't realise what they've done.

I think the key thing is to wait until the school breaks up - you DS may get a few cards today (or next week if your school is still in). But regardless, he's spread Christmas cheer - and that's always a good thing!

pinkhebe · 16/12/2011 12:21

As part of the reduce, reuse recycle scheme my son's school have decided that every child will make 1 card to 1 person in the class, and then everyone in the class will sign it. So much easier

My son in yr 1 could hardly write at all and so didn't want to send any, ds (11) hasn't sent any this year, despite getting a few

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 16/12/2011 13:17

To be fair I got munch's cards in one of the pound shops really cute sets of 24 designed for giving to the class with one for the teacher.

acebaby · 16/12/2011 13:26

abc - I think the main issue is the rather tactless way that the cards were distributed. It is horrible to turn Christmas card giving into a popularity contest. I remember this from my own school days :-( . A brief word with the teacher wouldn't go amiss.

As others have said, I would explain to your DS that sometimes people don't get round to giving cards or only give them to girls/boys/neighbours/children their parents know through play dates. He may have been a bit unlucky this year, but next year, when all the children will be writing and will know their class mates better, he will probably get loads!

rabbitstew · 16/12/2011 14:13

It is tactless to let the children hand their cards out in front of everyone else. There may well be some children in the class who only get cards from the children who give cards to everyone, even though they aren't actually friends with them, and then it's nice that they do at least get a card from someone, rather than being left to feel like the class lemon, so I guess I'm glad that some people give cards out to everyone. However, I still personally loathe the idea of everyone sending Christmas cards out to anyone they have ever spent any time with, regardless of whether that is through choice or not... What do I want with thousands of Christmas cards? I haven't got the time, space or inclination to display them all and if everyone gives one to me, then the gesture really does become pretty meaningless - you might as well just stand in the playground and shout out "Happy Christmas one and all!" on the last day of term. At least then you haven't created a ridiculous paper trail doing it. In any event, most of the cards I receive I throw away almost immediately after I've received them, unless they contain a personal message that means something to me. Mind you, I'm a bit like that with presents, too - I hate having my house clogged up with unwanted gifts that I then feel guilty about disposing of (or passing on to someone else...) until I've kept them for 7 years and they are utterly unusable. I'd rather only buy presents for people when I know they will really like them, otherwise it seems like wasted money and a rather silly way of showing your appreciation. BAH, HUMBUG! I much prefer our family tradition of finding out what someone might like and then getting it for them... You can't exactly do that for a teacher, though. So to date, our dss' teachers just get hand drawn cards and messages from our children and cards with messages of thanks from us, on the basis I'm willing to presume they will appreciate the effort involved and that the appreciation has been actively expressed. They don't get presents, because I don't know what they like and I'm b*ggered if I'm wasting my money on something that doesn't mean anything.

And a Merry Christmas to One and All!!!!!!

xxx

Kardashianw · 16/12/2011 14:33

We r the same ds wanted to write only to all the boys in his class and because we had cards left over I wrote them to the girls too. He probably wont get much back but who cares. It's the thought that counts to me :)

lljkk · 16/12/2011 14:40

Keeping track is unwise, I agree.
DD wrote cards to everyone except 2 children whom she loathes (I think the feelings are mutual).
At least she didn't tear up some of the cards given to her, pointedly, in front of the giver's face (which happened to at least 2 children ).
year-5s are brutal.

3duracellbunnies · 16/12/2011 17:30

I think actually what I would question is why the school sit them all down to give out the cards. I think it is asking for people to get upset, either because they don't get many, or because like my dd1 you decided only to send to 4 best friends, she might feel embarrassed to only give 4 out even though that was what she wanted to do this year. I also think in the lower years it can be hard for those like dd1 who struggle with handwritting, I found it hard when cards came home beautifully written and she was still struggling to write her own name. Children who opened the card in front of her made comments about not being able to read their names.

For dd2 who is in reception, she wrote a few herself (and I know some of you won't agree with this), and then we scanned in her signature, printed it on labels and stuck them into the cards while I wrote the names. Cheating I know, but fewer glasses of wine required! Parents I said to said what a good idea, and lots of them have written on their child's behalf anyway!

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