Please help me to decide between two schools

[confusedperson]

Please help me to decide between two schools. They are both in South London.

School A: faith school, really good academic achievement, in high poverty area, 70% of non-British pupils (and mostly dominated by a particular ethnicity), 0.8miles from home but convenient for the train station which we use for work
School B: public school, still good but slightly worse than school?s A academic achievement, in moderate poverty area, more balanced ethnic mix (50% non-British, but no dominating ethnicity), 0.8miles from home but totally opposite from the train station (would have to use the car on daily basis).

We are the same faith as school A, and ideally it would be faith school, but a bit afraid to send him into school A, if frankly, due to domination of one particular culture and mentality of non-working families in high poverty area. On the other hand I feel that I am being judgemental.

Any advice, please??

No, a good mix is better than a dominant culture, especially if that culture is not indigenous.

well - you are judgmental because you know all the facts and you've obfuscated them to us ;)

I would not dare to advise unless I went outside each of those schools and saw behaviour of those kids and their parents

school A gets better results so you dont need to worry about the attitudes to academic achievement, what attitudes are you worried about? or is it more of a case that you feel that your child will be excluded socially if he is not from the dominant culture. I have a couple of teacher friends who taught in a school at bit like A and moved to one a bit like B. Both enjoyed teaching in the A school far more.

Also the term British is a nationality not an ethnicity

I guess I am afraid that I will have nothing in common with the most parents of school A, and it will be difficult to maintain playdate and cooperative (not just polite) atmosphere during the years to come.
Also (saying this quietly as I don?t want to discriminate anyeone), some cultures can be very religious, but on the other hand they like living of benefits and that is not way to go for me (not talking about people who live on benefits where there is no other way).
Sorry the 70% of non-British was meant ?international minorities? according to one educational website, and it could be British but still from minorities.

I am not against minorities at all, to be honest I am (European) minority myself and more of criteria is working or non-working parents.

There are other school in the area, which have great facilities, but I heard from one parent ?it is a good school because if my child does not want to go to school in the morning, they come to your house and drag the child to school? (I think it is up to parent to take child to school, not sit back and expect school to do everything ? that is some example of parents? attitude I don?t like).

Wtf has religion got to do with benefits?

Personally I would rather my dc's went to a school with families like my own because our morals and expectations would be similar.

Any chance you could visit both schools? When we started looking at schools we visitied them and in the end we fell in love with the ethos of one over the others. Academic results, ethic makeup and all the rest didn't matter, it was the feeling we got from the head, the teachers and the students.

You'll never go wrong if you go with your gut.

If you really think you are not going to get on with the families in school A, then I would opt for the other one. Socially (presuming primary) it's so important that they settle in well and play dates are going to be a big part of that process. If you are not going to be able to help him with that I would go for the school where you can. BTW I think you just lit the touch paper....

Have a good look round both, with your child if possible, you might just get a fealing for where your child will be happiest.

A happy child is a child who will be able to learn in class, if your child is unhappy they will find it far harder to learn.

I think your thinking too hard about the details and the "what if's".

At any school there will be parents who work, work part-time, don't do paid work but spend lots of time with pre-school aged children bringing them up really well, some parents who ignore their children, some parents who are absent, some who are comparing reading levels etc.
Your thinking too much about the other mums and how you would fit in, by the time your child is about six they will have set their own friendships regardless of how much you have in common with their parents.
Our jobs as mums is to facilitate our childrens' play and learning, if it takes forcing yourself to get to know mums that have different lives, mums that in a different set of circumstances you wouldn't mix with then so be it, smile be open hearted and let your child show you.

The worst part is, that I have visited both schools, and it has not help me in a decision making. School B has a wonderful big site and great facilities, but is likely to be extended to a bigger school. School A was a bit small and cramped but reminded me the school I went to, so I didn?t mind, I would even say that I liked that cosiness of school.
My strongest impression, if am being honest, was about the parents that came to visit the school. School A: 70-80% of indigenous minority (or it seemed so). School B: all seemingly nice, decent and diversal.
Unfortunately I don?t get a gut feeling which school is right or wrong (I disregarded some other schools, though, which felt completely wrong)

*help = helped, sorry for mistakes I made, typing in a rush

The social integration is so important in my opinion. It seems to me that you prefer school B, your child can always be introduced to your religion through you and your home life.

It seems like you are leaning towards school B. If school A is getting better results despite the factors you mention, could the standard of teaching there be better? Would having to use the car make things more difficult?

Do I seem to be leaning towards school B? I think deep down I am leaning to school A because of faith, good teaching standards given circumstances and slightly higher convenience of daily commute, but so afraid of the parents that I saw in school A, most of them are completely from the other end of the world.

We would need to use the car for school B, otherwise it would mean 20 mins walk to the school + 30 mins walk back to the station every morning (a bit too much even though I like walking!). Car use is OK as long as we have it in a working condition. School A is 20 mins walk to the school and 10 mins walk to the station.

I think driving a 1.6 miles in London traffic at school run time and then having to park up would be a big negative to me. As you would like a faith school and the results are better I think I'd go for school A. 30% of the children being white British background would not put your son in a tiny ethnic minority (say less than 10%) which would be my main concern here.

also attitudes to work and education are highly related, you are simply not going to get the good results you see if parents are happy to sit back and live off benefits, they may have given up for themselves but want to make sure the cycle of poverty and dependency is broken for the next generation

I would go for B. It is hard being at a school where you don't get on with the other parents. Playdates and socialisation do matter, especially at junior level.

neither sound ideal but if i had to id choose school B.

What's important to you? Personally I would choose the school with a better academic record and easy logistics! Going out of your way for a less good school will quickly drive you potty!

Having in mind that DH and I both work full-time, good academic record and easy logistics ARE important (thanks for pointing that out, Bonsoir).
When I think again, I will not see the parents at all, because I will not be the one taking/collecting DS to/from school for most of the times.

Are playdates between school children organised on weekends though?

Have you visited the schools? Often just taking a look at the parents/children at the school gate will help you take a decision, all other things being equal. If you think you like the look of the school community, it's probably the school for you!

Good idea Bonsoir, I have beeen to open days but I might just go to stand outside the gate during collection time.

Do that, but in your position I would have a strong preference already for School A on grounds of academics, logistics and faith match. Is it a Catholic school?

Bonsoir yes it is. I only need to see the what's up on the school A gate. School B - people looked decent, no need to revisit.

I'd like to know what is the ethnicity that you are afraid of your child to be mixing with?

ds1 went to a school that was 80% non-british. it was quite difficult socially, as the groups didn't mix, especially as they got older, the majority of kids weren't allowed to go to after school/weekend activities etc.