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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DH and I are not going to agree on school for DS

26 replies

witherhills · 21/11/2011 17:28

I knew this was going to happen
How the hell are we going to decide?
We both had different type of schools, me a lovely CofE village school. He had a formal boys school with nuns and priests.

We have a choice between 2 schools, I really want the liberal independent one, he wants the formal rugby boys school

They are both fabulous schools, similar in a couple of ways, but so different in others

Any tips?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ajandjjmum · 21/11/2011 17:29

What sort of child is DS? Does he respond to discipline, or is he more a free thinker? Maybe go round them both, and see where he seems to fit in best?

SnowChains · 21/11/2011 17:30

Have you been to look around both schools?

Are they both private ?

Original poster

witherhills · 21/11/2011 17:37

both private schools, we've been to see both
DS I think is a bit of a free thinker, but I think is going to need discipline.
My husband and I are both sporty, academic, and musical, and DS shows a bit of aptitude for everything!

I don't think there is that much difference on the discipline scale, but the more formal school feeds to the more academic senior schools, whereas my choice goes all the way through senior school

I think DH is thinking about what he likes and what he wants for DS, not necessarily what is good for DS.

OP posts:

magdalene · 21/11/2011 18:48

Why do you want the 'liberal' school? Do yo have a lax attitde to discipline? Discipline in 'liberal' schools tends to non existant - not great in my opinion (my DD goes to a 'liberal' school and it's chaos).

Original poster

witherhills · 21/11/2011 19:00

I don't mean liberal in relation to discipline. It's just a bit more independent,the headmaster is the founder, and a few different ideas, they do lots of exercise, outdoor pursuits, not as formal with uniform.
It just feels happier.
Mine is co-ed too, DH's is boys.

DS's keyworker in nursery has just offered to compare them and give her opinion, how lovely is that?

OP posts:

Iamnotminterested · 21/11/2011 19:04

Well I'm voting for your choice.

Anyone else?

magdalene · 21/11/2011 19:13

Here we go - the lefties are coming! Take cover...

Original poster

witherhills · 21/11/2011 19:29

Magdalene, are you my husband?!

OP posts:

blackeyedsusan · 22/11/2011 14:34

I go with your choice too, but i think it has a lot to do with personality. he is very little and informality may suit the littlies more. he could always swap to dh's style of school later.

GooseyLoosey · 22/11/2011 14:37

I would go for the village school to start with. The reason for that is that it would give your ds friends where he lives. There is no substitute for being able to walk around to a friend's house, seeing your mates in the village shop and playing football together on summer days after school. Also good for you and your dh as you will get to meet more people in the village which will be a positive role model for your son. See how it goes and you can always consider moving him at prep level.

GooseyLoosey · 22/11/2011 14:38

Ah - should have read later posts more carefully - you don't actually mean a village school. Feel free to ignore me!

EdithWeston · 22/11/2011 14:40

As the liberal headmaster is the founder, I think you'd better check how old he is ie is he likely to be retiring soon? The transition from his leadership might not be an easy time, and the school might change as even with best intentions of keeping the same ethos they'll be in uncharted waters.

Elibean · 22/11/2011 14:41

If its happier? I'm with your choice!

MerryMarigold · 22/11/2011 14:42

If he is young enough to be in Nursery then I think it's hard to decide what's best for him (and any future siblings!). I would go for the one that you think will let him become him, and not force him into being something he maybe isn't. You can always move him if it's really not working out. Most kids move schools at least twice in their life (just from primary to secondary). I would also go for the more local one, so that he has friends locally, and preferably the one within walking distance if one of them is.

I can't believe anyone would want to put a 5 year old in a single sex school! How is the poor kids supposed to have relationships with females?!!!

Original poster

witherhills · 22/11/2011 18:06

thanks for your thoughts
edith- good point, but the headmaster isn't that old, 45maybe, and it's very much a family thing, I think his brother and sil are involved too.
MMarigold, neither are walkable unfortunately, I know 2 boys from his nursery that have gone to DH's choice.
I really know what you mean about letting him be him, I thought the first school had that spot on, and then when we went to the 2nd school, I think that's their ethos too. Albeit with a big focus on rugby, and a choirboys choir!

DH just turned 4, if he'd been 2 months older, he would be in school already.
The co-ed school would be a big plus if there were any siblings, but it's just him.
And I would prefer a co-ed school simply for the fact that he needs to mingle with girls, but he has girl cousins, and everytime I have asked the question, most people reckon it doesn't make a difference

I think we are going to have to write a list of pros and cons.

It might be taken out of our hands as Dh's choice has a waiting list, and my choice will open places

OP posts:

Hullygully · 22/11/2011 18:11

yours

no question

Hullygully · 22/11/2011 18:12

and the co ed thing - it does make a difference, a big difference imo.

Original poster

witherhills · 22/11/2011 18:17

tell me why Hully?

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Hullygully · 22/11/2011 18:54

you get to see the oppposite sex in a very normal day to day environment and learn to interact with them as you have to in real life. Both my dc flatly refused to go single sex for secondary as it was "unnatural," neither have boyfirends/girlfriends, but they have lots of friends of both sexes.

allagory · 22/11/2011 21:50

If you can't agree take your son to see both and ask him which one he prefers. I'll bet he knows just what he likes already.

Original poster

witherhills · 23/11/2011 14:19

how do you reckon he will decide?!
We have a couple of people to talk to.
the good news is that I am sure he will be happy at either school, it's not a bad problem to have!

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 23/11/2011 15:11

Which school has nicer kids and their families?!

Original poster

witherhills · 23/11/2011 20:48

good question MMarigold.
I thought the kids in my school were very confident and lovely, not precocious at all. they were involved in the open day
The kids at dh's were a little bit in awe of the headmaster, and he seemed to be going out of his way to show that he knew their names, which I thought was a bit false
however, my school doesn't have much of a PTA, whereas it sounds like there is a huge PTA involvement in DH's choice.
But I don't know how involved I would like to be, or could be.

I know some very down to earth families at both

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 23/11/2011 21:16

Why do private schools have PTA?!

Original poster

witherhills · 23/11/2011 21:22

to decide what to do with the money I guess!
and to support the choir, and the performances and the sports

OP posts:

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