Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

How many of you do not see your primary school children till 7pm?

31 replies

bytheMoonlight · 14/11/2011 07:42

Does it affect your relationship.

This is really playing on my mind even though it's not going to happen till next year. I work PT 3-7. I am only 5 mins from home so I'm home by 7.05.

When dd1 starts reception, I will not see her from the time I drop her off at school till the time get in from work.

After school she will be looked after by dh, he works FT till 2.45pm and then I start work. It works as we can't afford childcare but I worry about not seeing dd1 and if this will affect our relationship.

Any experience?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
IndigoBell · 14/11/2011 08:35

It'll be great that you get to share th childcare!

I get home from work at 7:30 and it certainly hasn't affected my relationship with my children. Except that they are very close to their dad as wellas to me, because he looks after them so much.

relaxitllbeok · 14/11/2011 09:59

I don't see my 8yo until 7.15 most days. That didn't start till this year and I don't blame you feeling anxious about it with a DD about to start reception - but her being looked after by her father in her own home is a very different thing from if she had to be in childcare until that time (and even that can work in some circs, I expect). I agree that it's an opportunity to maintain/create a closer relationship with him than most children have by default, and you'll still have morning, bedtimes and the weekends presumably.

Be prepared for her to be very tired in the first term after she starts reception - I'd suggest starting off with a routine of her being already fed, in nightclothes etc. by the time you get in, so that you only need to read her a story, have a chat etc. rather than rush round doing things with her when you get home. Also, make sure that your DH is ready to check for homework (she may have some even in R) make sure she does it, look for notes saying that she needs to be dressed as a tomato tomorrow etc.!

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 14/11/2011 10:01

I know what you mean Indigo, their dad already looks after them when I'm t work so they are really close to him.

Atm though, I have 3hrs from the time she finishes nursery to the time I start work.

Do you find a problem with homeowrk or anything with you not being there when they come home from school?

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 14/11/2011 10:16

If her Dad's looking after her, then he has to be responsible for helping her with her homework, reading with her every day, checking her book bag, emptying her lunch box, making sure she has her PE kit, talking to the teacher at pick up if there are any problems....

You are really lucky that your DH can do all this. Things are much harder with a child minder (or a nanny whose English isn't very good Blush )

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 14/11/2011 10:30

I worry so much about losing the bond with dd1. I think I am just over thinking it and in practice it will be easier than I'm imagining

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 14/11/2011 10:37

You are over thinking :)

It's understandable to be worried.

But it'll be fine.

You really, really won't lose your bond with her. You will miss out on helping her with her homework and listening to her read.

But most people have to work, and have to arrange their life around their working hours.

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 14/11/2011 10:42

Thank you for the reassurance Indigo. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

OP posts:
Gubbins · 14/11/2011 10:50

My husband doesn't see our girls from when he drops them off in the morning until about half past seven and it hasn't afected his relationship with them in the slightest. If anything he's slightly more favoured over me than when he looked after them all day a couple of days a week. Don't worry about it, you'll all be fine.

Gubbins · 14/11/2011 10:51

Oh and we always do reading just before bedtime and do homework on a Saturday morning, so you needn't even miss out on that. (Although you may wish you did.)

spottydogpencilcase · 14/11/2011 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cjbartlett · 14/11/2011 10:53

only one day a week, I don't see them at all as I don't come home until 9pm

MoreBeta · 14/11/2011 10:55

IME our children are not so much bothered by when we get home but are badly affected by the uncertainty of not if we are going to be home.

Definitley get DD into a strict routine with Dad so she knows exactly what is happening from the moment she gets home and then when you get home you slot right into that routine. Children like certainty of what is going to happen next - but less bothered about having you around 24/7.

MoreBeta · 14/11/2011 10:56

TYPO:...the uncertainty of not if we are going to be home

Chrysanthemum5 · 14/11/2011 11:02

DH drops the children off at school, and I go in to work early so I can finish early and pick them up. DH rarely is back before 6pm, often later. He always does the bedtime routine so he gets that time with them, and we make the most of the weekends. I am respsonsible for most of the homework (DH listens to the reading if home in time), tea, playdates etc. It works pretty well.

GooseyLoosey · 14/11/2011 11:12

I often don't get in until after 7 and I leave in the morning before the dcs get up. I don't think it necessarily affects my relationship with them, but it does have some effects. My daughter often cries on a Sunday night as she knows that she won't see much of me for the next few days and both children demand my attention a lot when I am at home (much more so than dh's). I also find it difficult to manage all the things I am supposed to for school - reading, spellings etc. You won't know until you try it and see.

PattySimcox · 14/11/2011 11:19

You also have weekends and holidays so I really doubt it would be a problem.

Just make sure her reading / homework etc is out of the way by then and that the time before bed is just for lovely fun stuff

flowery · 14/11/2011 11:25

My DH doesn't see our boys at all once he's left for work at 7.15, and sometimes DS2 isn't up until after then so he doesn't see him at all. He has a fantastic relationship with both of them.

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 14/11/2011 12:54

This is all reassuring.

Do you think the dc suffer if you are not there to do the reading?

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 14/11/2011 12:55

Do you not trust your DH?

Why would they need to read to you?

flowery · 14/11/2011 14:29

Er, DS1 doesn't suffer because DH isn't there to do the reading, because I do it. If I were the one working late he also wouldn't suffer because DH would do it. What's the difference?

HerdOfTinyElephants · 14/11/2011 14:33

You'll have long holidays and half term weeks where you'll be together up to 2.45, though. It's easy to focus on the term time periods but children have a lot of time out of school, too.

neerg · 14/11/2011 14:39

I listen to my children read in the morning- they are far less tired and it is now part of our morning routine. This may help you feel more involved_ and take the stress off your husband!

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 14/11/2011 20:28

DH is a fantastic father. The girls have a lovely relationship with him. He makes them roar with laughter (big belly laughs!!!) and they have such a close bond with him, esp. dd1.

However after working a full shift at a physical, non stop job when he gets home, dh can be a bit lackadaisical. He loves being with the girls and as a result they loves being with him. But their time together revolves around fun and laughter and he slots in the things they have to do (dinner, bath time, teeth brushing) without really focusing on if they are doing it properly eg dd1 doesn't always sit at the table 'properly' if I'm not there.

When it comes to learning, dh takes a back seat. I read most of the stories, taught dd1 how to write her name and form her letters. I worry without me there that will fall by the wayside.

Does that sound awful?

OP posts:
Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 14/11/2011 20:33

Reading in the morning is a fantastic idea Norg. They are up at the crack of dawn anyway and dd1 does seem really eager to learn first thing. We were learning how to form 'g' at 6.15am this morning Hmm

I think she would enjoy reading first thing Smile

OP posts:
sleepwouldbenice · 14/11/2011 21:28

I work 4 longer days a week - 2 days I am not there in the morning but there from 5.30, two days I drop off but dont see them until 7pm. I am happy with that.

I would echo everything above about making sure you feel knowledgable about school by getting your DH to do as much as practical (and brace him for playdates?!!!!)

Couple of ideas to make you feel better - some already covered

  • you get the happy morning time (not the overtired evening)
  • you will be there for lots of time all over the holidays
  • sounds like you can make school plays, assemblies, sports day - many parents cant
  • if you felt like it you could offer to go into help in class sometime - you get a lovely insight into their world at school etc I go half a day once a week and I find it really useful

HTH

Swipe left for the next trending thread