Anyone else STRESSED about choosing a primary school?

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

State/private
Small/large
Good ks1 but dont like early years
Love early years not sure about KS2
Village school or the school just outside village

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

He is so happy at private pre prep but we can't afford it unless I work Full time and have no holidays and will be very hard up as we have a 2nd DS. Am I being selfish in taking him out and going state and saving funds until secondary??

Nope. I just sent DD to the nearest school, despite the fact its not perfect and didnt get a particularly good Ofsted.

I am too lazy environmentally conscious to drive her anywhere else and tbh I think what goes on at home and how you support their learning is probably more important, at primary anyway.

But they are there for 6 hours a day throught their most influential years.......wish I could be relaxed but I need the very best for him :(

Yes, but if they come from a home where learning is valued, where books are available, where parents are interested and engaged in their education (which it sounds like they are ) then that is IMO the most important thing.

Sorry, I am probably totally the wrong person to advise you, being a laissez faire ex-home edder. But you sound so very stressed and tbh, you don't need to be.

And there is nothing 'selfish' about using state education btw!

I think sometimes too many options are as bad as none at all. Me + all my friends are discussing the choice of secondary school endlessly, when in practice there are two schools and they're both perfectly good.

Like for you, each has pros and cons, but both will give a good education to any child with a supportive home background.

Like Queen, my inclination is to choose the nearest option that is acceptable - nice for both parents and child to have friends etc all nearby.

To be honest a Pre-Prep is not always the "best" option. Private is not always "better" than state. It depends on the school and the child. Lots of people I know who could afford private have chosen to use state schools for all or part of their children's education.
I know one girl (and one of her brothers has gone to a private secondary) who has been in state all the way through and has gone to Cambridge this year with 4 A*s, has represented England in her sport and has been in a top choir. I don't think a private school could have offered her any more.

I agree with the others. Don't stress so much.... It doesn't sound as though any of the options are truly awful (except perhaps working full time, having no holidays and being "very hard up"!....). The primary years are the years when you are most influential (so don't want to spend that time being knackered, time poor and not having any spare cash to do anything fun with your own children). It's secondary age when their peers have a greater influence...

I de-stressed by moving well within the catchment area of a superb school. I guess I knew it had to be done but everyone has 4 years or so to prepare so had I not moved or found an acceptable alternative, I would only have myself to blame.

If private is killing you financially, then stop. You cannot give to one but not the other and working full time will create childcare problems.

I moved so I would not be faced with the private fees but I retain the choice at age 7 and 11. From where I stand, I will do nothing before age 11 and if I had to move again, I now know I have 6 years within which to do so.

have you been to visit the potential schools that might clarify things - again not the best person to ask about private but if you have to work full time to do it, it seems to that your DSs would be better of seeing you - most children who are bright and have supportive parents do well at most schools in my view (and observation) and the nearest school is a good option - as people have said for friends, less time travelling being part of community where you live

I had a choice of two schools and stressed endlessly over it. Once I went to see them I had a clear favourite. Have you visited them all? Did you get a "feel" for one of them over another. If the school closest to you is good then I'd go for that one. There is a lot to be said for going to school in your community.

My advice, is to go and visit each of your choices. I was getting stressed about my DD's schools, once I looked round them I was in no doubt, it made me focus and I was determined and we even had to appeal for the one we wanted, but she is there now, and very happy too.

What is it about the Early Years you don't like at that school? If children have a good home life then provided the Early Years isn't neglectful your child will be absolutely fine.

If private would be a real stretch I would discount that option for now. I have two children in prep school and fees go up fairly sharply after reception and/or after 7, so even if you could afford reception you might struggle further through the school. We live in inner London and where we are the choice of primaries was very poor (unless you can get into a faith school - we can't as we are not Christian). Start saving now, if you think you might want to go for a private secondary.

Have you seen the primary school options? My gut reaction would be, unless you have a really big problem with the less good early years then focus on those schools that are better with the older age groups. You can support the early years work at home and much of reception is about getting used to school and yr1 in getting used to school work. My DS1 struggled in YR & Y1 as he is mildly dyslexic so was way behind. We supported him at home (the school also did extra because of his SEN) and by Y3 he had caught up. So it is possible to catch up if the first year or two are not so good but I suspect it is harder to plug the gaps if the yr3-6 teaching isn't so good.

BTW - even a fairly traditional prep reception class with only 14 pupils looks like organised chaos at times so I would assume a class of thirty in reception would look like a free for all, when in fact it is following a defined structure.

We have 2 schools within our village and then 2 just on the outside (within 3 miles) then another 2 about 4 miles out right in the country.

One school (within 3 miles) is only 3 classes and so there will only ever be 20 children max in DS class for 4 years. This could be a real bonus. But it is tiny and doesn't have many clubs etc. It has a nice swimming pool, set right in the heart of the countryside. Downside would be that all children go off to wide range of secondary schools so he would be unlikely to go with anyone he would know.

The school on our doorstep had loads going on, there would be 30 in each class, much more mixed catchement, very good results but the Ealy years was poorly resourced and it is less green and leafy. But they do before school club etc, go on loads of trips.

I love the prep school where he is at nursery as they spend so much time in boiler suits in the woods. He would hate not being able to be outside up a tree! I have given the school my CV in the hope a job comes up and I could get reduced fees!

Be aware that one disadvantage of very small classes is a small pool of potential friends. I'm quite glad that dd is in a large year for her school, despite meaning classes of 25 - 30 (compared to the norm of 20) for this reason.

The school on your doorstep sounds pretty good, tbh, though I feel your pain if your ds will be moving away from loads of outside time. I guess you could make up for it after school / at weekends to some extent (if you resist the lure of out of school clubs!)?

We were lucky, 5 good schools in our catchment area and two of them were our top choice.

In the end it was a lot of gut feeling and seeing what the schools do and where their priorities lie.

For our DD, who turned 4 in July, we preferred an Infant school to a normal primary because we thought she would feel more at ease in a smaller environment. It was correct but a friends DD, even younger, is more at ease at a normal primary, she craves the big surrounding.

Private was never an option, not with good state schools around.

I am going back to have another look at the tiny school tomorrow. I want to know how much time they really spent in the lovely surroundings as it may well be the school looks beautiful but they spend all their time inside!

No as we have never really had a choice, she has always gone to the local school . Sadly they have mostly let her down on differing ways

It's not just you tryintobe .... I'm in the same boat. Can't wait for the 15th of January when applications close and I can stop stressing about it. I don't know if it's more stressful because one is really making the decision for 2 children as wherever DC1 goes, DC2 is highly likely to go.

Just paid a deposit for an independent school but hoping to get into an excellent CoE state school in the area though we rank very low in their admissions criteria. Our catchment school is not an option ... perhaps it's the fear of knowing we can't easily afford independent for 2 and me knowing I won't be able to stop working that keeps be worried. hmmmm.

Ilelo we love the prep school, so glad DS2 can be there for another 2 years before he starts school. Secondary fees are SO much more that we really need to be able to save and going to a good state school will allow us to do that. I just wish we could afford to do both, oh and be a full time SAHM, and have the nice big house and the car........slaps myself!

If being able to go outdoors is the key thing for your son at this age, why not ask the schools about how much freedom reception kids have to do this. At my children's (state) primary, the reception children are pretty much free to wonder outside in the afternoon (into an enclosed outdoor play area). It sounds to me that you have got a bit overly hung up on the idea of private being best. A good state primary is fine!

I am stressing too - today I seriously thought about just sending the form in so I couldn't worry about it any more. Even thought I have appts lined up to visit schools. Not sure why I am getting so obsessed by it... I know in my heart it's pointless.

You folks are lucky you even have a genuine choice! In my town all the schools bar the 'sink' one are so oversubscribed that unless you live within about 350m you won't get in. Resulting in no choice whatsoever. It's your nearest or the sink, pretty much.

As far as I know, all state primaries should allow their early years ( reception and nursery) free access to outdoors, so apart from when they are doing whole group teacher-led activities in literacy and numeracy, they should be allowed to be outside as much as they want. (and there will be some literacy and numeracy activities done outside too!) Now, what their outdoor resources are like is another matter, but you can find some state schools with great outdoor spaces for early years!

I would definitely go and look at all the schools available. I think unless you're really unlucky, a lot of state primaries are pretty good. (Secondary is a different kettle of fish.) Save up the money until you really need it.

All other things being equal, a school close by is better than one you have to drive to. Not only is it nicer to be able to walk to school, but they're more likely to have friends close by who they can bring home (or whose homes they can visit).

The thing I would look for in a primary more than anything is a caring, supportive environment. When it comes to the academic side, you can do a lot to support them at home. But when it comes to the emotional/social side, you really want a school that will look after your child.

Exactly what hackmum said