support thread for those of us who have dc struggling at school

[yawningmonster]

MN often appears to me to be largely composed of families with children who are bright, gifted, talented, need to put up reading levels, are not stimulated enough and so forth. This may be a rather jaded view but as a parent of a child who is well below his peers in his academic skills, I would love to be able to both offer support to others and receive information, ideas and support from them.
DS is 7. He cannot write a sentence, his letter formation is appalling, he often reverses letters, is 2 levels behind the minimum expectation for his year in reading and struggles with basic maths facts.
He is also a gentle, extremely generous little boy with a love of people especially little people.

yes, glad to see this. It can be dispiriting reading MN and takes of constant success. My DD (6.5) is struggling with reading and writing. Numeracy is very weak. Her drawing looks like that of a child much younger. On the other hand, she is articulate, chatty and sensitive. Grown ups especially love to chew over the fat with her. And she has boundless imagination.

thanks telsa I thought I might be taking a bit of a risk by posting but am am as you say dispirited, sometimes it feels like ds is the only one struggling! Does your dd get any school support at all?

Yawning does your DS get any support? My DS1 (now 8) is suspected to have mild dyslexia. We have done a lot of work at home and in school (he has been on an IEP since yr1 now yr4). It has made a big difference. In Yr2 I told the teachers to put him down a book band because he was struggling too much. He was reading at least a year below his chronological age at that point. He is now reading at his age or slightly above.

His handwriting is improving as he has had sessions with an Occupational Therapist. He uses a stabilo easy ergo pencil or triangular pencil grips. On the days his handwriting just isn't working - the school accept him dictating his homework to me and I either write it or type it for him.

His spelling remains challenging. Most of the time he does get the d /b the right way around now! I have just started the Ruth Miskin spelling programme with him.

He is a great boy with a lively imagination who wrote such a lovely poem in class they read it out in assembly.

Hi, my dd (now 8 and in yr 4) also struggles - we too suspect mild dyslexia. She often reverses letters and numbers, and her handwriting and spelling are not good -she's full of great ideas, but you can't always read what she's written! She has some extra help at school and we also send her to Kip McGrath. Her imagination is fab though and she's really into animals and nature - loved the Planet Dinosaur programmes and is now into Frozen Planet!

Can I join!!

I only wrote a post yesterday about my Yr3 dd who is struggling academically. Behind her peers and now in a new school being pushed to catch up.

But she is also really struggling socially and yesterday took her frustrations out on another child and slapped him round the face . 3 hours of tears later and a confession that she hates going to school, can't be herself, feels left out, thinks everyone hates her, if PHOBIC of being told off, feels like she doesn't fit in and is really, really sad.

She has just been diagnosed with producing too much acid in her tummy so that now explains why she has had a constant tummy ache for about 6 weeks and not really eating and feeling sick. She is just stressed. And she is just 7.

Her school, I must add, is being really supportive (of both me and her!) and for that I am thankful.

Anyway, I really appreciate the theme of this thread because I too get the impression that mn is full of 'really bright children'.

I have 2DS's who are both struggling in different ways.

DS 10 has ADD/Dsylexia and possibly ASD or traits of. He is at least two years behind in literacy and maybe a year behind in maths. Very musical and arty though.

DS 7 has ADHD/ASD/Mild Tourettes and is probably dyslexic too. He is 2/3 years behind in literacy and can barely write anything legible (he writes reams of it though!) He is starting to type things instead. He is above average in maths though.

I agree it's really hard when other peoples DC appear to breeze through school and you are forever in and out of meetings with the senco. I dread Parents Evenings and report time when half the world boasts about their very clever above average DC on facebook or in the playground.

I take heart from the fact my DC are a lot like my DH who as a child would most definately have secured an ASD or Aspergers dx had such things been widely recognised then. I am guilty of having a few ADHD traits myself .
We are both happy successful adults now and DH has a very good, highly paid job which he couldn't do if he wasn't such a geek . The fact that it took him three attempts to get a pass at English O level no longer matters a jot.

I think as long as we support our kids and encourage them as much as we can they will hopefully turn out happy and productive adults whatever they end up doing. The brightest and most academic school kids aren't always the most successful in the longer term. A lot of people will come into their own as older tennagers or adults.

wow thanks for all the responses. DS does now get some support. For the first 3 terms of the year he had reading support and went from being a year behind (6 reading levels) to where he is now (2 reading levels). This term he has two 1/2 hour one on one sessions for writing. He has got hf aspergers and is possibly dyslexic and dysgraphic. He is doing so well socially I could cry, it was what I worried about most to be honest and he has outstripped my wildest imaginations. He for the first time this year has wanted children over to play and more amazingly has gone to theirs successfully (WITHOUT ME!!! major step for him). We are in NZ and he gets to go on social skills support groups. He is on his second one now and I think it really helps. Luckily for us he loves school (mostly because he is coping socially I suspect) and while he knows he is behind and in fact he is actively fighting against learning to read, write and do maths at the moment he is does not beat himself up about not being able to do it iykwim.

sorry that should read he has 2 writing sessions a week, not two for the term

ooh, me too! my dd is just about average for reading and its a plod. but writing writing is harder...sentences are all over the place (literally all over the place as she struggles with where they should start).

..however, she is very creative indeed, which is amazing, because i am not and its like the developing talent i don't have a clue about

it is interesting that alot of these children are very creative or imaginative! A shame there is not more emphasis on this as a measure of success in schools in the junior years

Learning to read and write English is exceptionally difficult and many children find doing so very hard - despite some people's claims to the contrary.
I have brought the thread Phonics - basics in which I tried to explain what makes learning to read and write English difficult back to the top again, in case that is of interest or help to u. But u'll see that I have been repeatedly pounced on for doing so.

Reading difficulties are caused mainly by the letters/spellings which have more than one sound, such as the 'a' in 'an, any, apron' or the 'o' in on, only, once, other, woman, women. If u listen to your child read and look out for the words which cause them trouble, u'll find that they are mostly ones with one or more tricky letters.

Spelling problems are caused mainly by having to learn different spellings for identical sounds 'men - many; bed - said; much - touch'.

(I have explained it all in detail on a website and blogs.)

Young children try to be logical, and because English spelling is often illogical, they can get very confused by it. The majority get there in the end - mostly because of patient, kindly help from parents. Having a (now grown up) son who found learning to read and to spell correctly very hard I know that helping a child who struggles can be very trying. (I often had to stop, let him have a break for me to calm down and try again, sometimes not till another day.)

It's definitely worth perserving. Most children find learning to read and write English difficult because it is very hard - even though some children learn incredibly easily. But not many are so lucky to be born with the right sort of brain for it.

Hi, Glad I found this thread. I have just one ds (4.5 years)and I thought he was doing okay until I read all the posts on MN and got all paranoid. Now I keep thinking he should be doing better or I am not doing enough and contributing actively to stunting his growth by being passive!

yes, there is a considerable amount of boastingconcern over excellent progress in many posts on here

definately leaves you feeling average just ain't good enough!

agree about the creativity thing. I do think many of these children will find their thing as they get older.

Hi, I would love to join this club. ds 5 is trying very hard but very little seems to be sinking in. It is so frustrating and he gets so sad about school. He said he hates it and just isn't good at school.

He has only been there since August and is one of the youngest in class (5 this month).

We are plodding on with his work and reading but just got a letter saying he wasn't ready to move on a reading level with the rest of the class. The teacher already stopped his counting (written) at 5 because he wasn't managing to keep up.

He also loves arts and crafts, dancing and has a great imagination.

mashabell I haven't done a proper search yet but your other thread didn't come up on the actives when I looked. I will set aside some time to do this at some point.
I went to a garage sale today and got a maths computer game which goes from 4years -14yrs. I have set it to play from 4yrs -8years. Unfortunately the maths questions are written not spoken so I have to read it to him but he is managing alot of it though was clueless what odd and even numbers were!!! Every 5 questions he gets right he gets to play a mini fun game for a few minutes. He really liked it today so will continue to use it for as long as his interest holds.

MN has got an active and supportive SN section, but I suppose that may not be appropriate for parents of those DC who are struggling a bit. 'Average' is truly celebrated in SN children! As it should be!

good point Ellen!

I guess alot of us are just at the stage of wondering if there is a little SN in the mix.

and also trying to remember that average is just fine and anything extra is a bonus....which can be hard with so many successful children here on MN

I would be more than happy with average to be honest.
Mashabell I have to say that it is absolutely the changing rules that get ds so confused and frustrated, he hates phonics with a passion, he would much rather be told a word and remember it by shape that use phonics rules.

yes...I'm kind of aiming for average at the moment. DD is 'slightly below expectations' in literacy and numeracy and so my aim is to get her on expectations sometime this year.

But I can also see that 'slightly below expectations' is a reasonable place to be by the end of year 1 in the grand scheme of things.

MC does your daughter qualify for any help? In NZ she probably wouldn't but being slightly below at the end of year one gives her an excellent chance of getting into expectations. DS is below standards in reading, well below in writing and slightly below in maths. I have set (my own goals) for him as
getting to level 17 in reading (we read every day, both him to me and me to him and loads of audio books to help his imaging and comprehension)
letter formation practice with a, g, r, s, and all the long stick letters eg b, d, t,
(am trying to do loads of games with these, his only one he likes at the moment is closing his eyes while I make his hand form a letter on the blackboard and he guesses what it is)
odds and evens for maths and sequencing after 14.

My son is in yr 2 and the youngest in his year. He is well below average in all the core subjects and he had seen the EP and Speach and language therapist as in yr 1 they said he had a problem with understanding,poor concentration amongst othher things but I disagreed as if he is interested in something he will be very quick to pick it up. He scored very well and prooved on a 1 to 1 situation he was fine and the teacher seemed disapointed with the report. At parents evening last week his teacher said he is progresing fine but it would take him a couple of years to catch up. It is just he started school at just turned 4 and I think wasn't ready to learn in that environment as he couldn't cope with sitting down and felt pressured in that envionment when he just waned to play and well aware he wasn't as good as his peers. His reading has started to improve but his writing is still a strugle and his homework is a challenge (to get him to sit down and do it). He seems to lack confdence in things he doesn't think he can do and gets frustrated and then blanks it or looses interest. He is very sporty and has loads of confdence playing in his football team on a Sunday. I am sure I will have this challenge all through school but hopefuly now he will start to progress.

This types of issues can be part of children'd natural development until the age of maturation 7- 8 years of age when they stop growing out of these types of issues. Which is why in the countries which lead the educational field formal education does not begin until the age of 7 years old.
Reading is a man made communication process, the decoding and recoding the graphic symbols society chooses to represent the sounds of speech. And Dyslexia is a man made problem, a social construct. There are two type of dyslexia, Developmental Dyslexia whic has a genetic origin and Alexia (acquired dyslexia) which can result from brain injury, substance abuse, stroke, dementia and progressive illnesses. Developmental Dyslexia has three cognitive subtypes: auditory, visual, and attentional. Which in turn means that an auditory processing disorder (listening disability), a visual processing disorder, an attention disorder, or any combination of the three can cause the dyslexic symptom.

Those who have an auditory processing disorder are not able to process the gaps between sounds, this can be the gaps between the sounds which can make up a word, and even the gaps between words in rapid speech. These creates problems phonetically sounding out new words, and not being able to use phonics.

dolfrog that is very interesting. DS won't be formally assessed yet in NZ as you say he has just turned 7 and due to the Aspergers they will leave him another year for assessment when he is 8 if he is still having difficulties. I am thinking that possibly more relevant to his difficulties would be dysgraphia but I may be way off.

MrsC24
He seems to lack confdence in things he doesn't think he can do.
The exceptionally early start to schooling in English-speaking countries undermines the confidence of many boys.

At age 4 and 5 boys tend to have a smaller vocabulary and a poorer command of English grammar than girls. Their poorer verbal ability is very disadvantageous for learning to read English because it makes them less able to cope with the many English words which are not entirely decodable, such as ?said, would, one?. The better verbal fluency of girls and their surer handling of grammar makes it easier for them to part-guess or deduce such tricky partsw of such words from their context. Being able to do what is expected of us is much more fun and more motivating than finding a task difficult or impossible.

Boys generally also lag behind girls in the development of the fine motor skills which are needed for controlling a pen or pencil. This makes learning to write physically harder for them.

The majority of young boys are also more restless than girls. They tend to prefer physical exercise, such as running, cycling or kicking a ball to sitting still, talking, reading or writing. Forms of learning which require much sitting are apt to increase their restlessness and make boys dislike them, especially if they happen to find them difficult as well.