Please help-I am desperate-long

[pink4ever]

Have had problems with ds1-age 8-since he started school. He enjoys it,trys hard but just doesnt seem to "get" learning.

I always suspected from his reports/parents evening that he was quite behind his peer group. However the school only really brought this to our attention about 2 years ago-primary 3 in scotland. They said he was really struggling with literacy/reading and that he would get one on one help from an additional needs teacher.

Obviously I was concerned about this and and was trying to do my best to help him at home-he has been a member of the library since he was a baby,we go every week,I try and encourage him to read,do extra work at home-to little avail etc.

I was then called back last year for a further meeting where we were told school was very concerned and that they wanted ds to see an ed psychologist. However due to demand we have waited a year for this to happen.

In the mean time ds seemed to be making slow progress-good teacher-and the last I was told he was roughly a year behind.

Now finally got an appointment with ed psych but went to meeting with dh teacher this morning and -sorry finally getting to the point-they want us to consider putting ds into the additional needs school-which would most likely be the same school he is now but a different building.

I am in bits-they want me to tell my ds that after being in mainstream school for 5 years he has to leave and go into a class with children with major social and behavioural problems-autism/aspergers/adhd etc. I am sorry if I cause any offence to those posters who may have children with these needs-not my intention.

I have already indicated that I dont think it is an option-please do not flame me for this choice-but ds is already aware that he is struggling and I think to remove him from all his friends and put him in a class with children he himself refers to as "special"-again no offence-would cause him lasting emotional damage.

Does anyone have any advice on how to tackle this with school?-is there an option where you can keep children back a year?-he is also quite immature for his age.

I definately dont think there are any issues with dyslexia/aspergers or anything like that-school just keep saying possible developtment delay?

Please help

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I think if I was in your position (I might be in 2/3 years time as DS progress very slow, P2 and am querying possible dyslexia) I would be happy for meeting with Ed Psych, to see what they say.

If you are really unsure about SN unit, and nothing is decided that means he absolutely needs it eg dyslexia, then would ask for him to be kept back a year, plus get a tutor.

they will test for things like processing speed, auditory processing and auditory memory as well as other cognitive things.....sorry not an ed psyche, but those are things I know they will test for.

I disagree that he will necessarily do better in the sen unit - there he could end up still academically behind, but socially as well. If he is a hard worker who just gets on with it, he could easily be overlooked.

Also this is his teacher this year - it is not necessarily the opinion of the school...whose to say she just can't be bothered, that it is all too hard...it has happened.

pink4ever - I think you should sit tight until you know more about what you are dealing with. Then your decision will depend a lot on what you can afford. Him staying mainstream, but with private tutoring maybe an option for you. Only advice would be is to get a tutor who has experience with your son's challenges, then they will be most effective.

Personally I think it is outrageous for a teacher to suggest a SEN school, when you don't know what his educational needs are, and therefore they have no idea what they are dealing with and what his educational needs are.

'-but the assumption will be made if he is in the sn school that he will go on to the sn secondary. Saying its our choice doesnt make much difference if the secondary schools dont want him.'

The assumption is made that he'll leave the primary he is at now and go to the cluster secondary, you're planning to apply for a different one - the process is exactly the same.

A secondary school can only refuse him because of an additional support need if they can show that they can't meet his needs...with no other issues apart from academic ones, it's very unlikely that they could show that and you have rights to appeal that if they tried.

I'm not sure why you are so certain it will affect him socially, if he could still mix with his current friends at breaks. tbh the more you write the more it seems as if the stigma worry is yours not his. I don't now how the SEN system, works in Scotland but is there a system of IEP's for example , so you can get input and measured feedback about his goals and progress. There is a big difference between being almost a year behind and being 3 years behind and they must have assessed this some way. An EP report should clarify which is correct adn their argument for the SEN unit is quite weak unless they can substantiate it, demonstarte what they have done in the ms as support and show that his needs would be better met there. If you do not intervene, however, there will come a time when he realises how far adrift he is, becomes frustrated at his lack of progress no matter how hard he tries and ceases to make the effort, so he would n't be enjoying school at that point regardless.

Early on in the thread you said you were told a year ago that he was 1 year behind, and now (1 year later) he is 3 years behind. So according to the school he has gone backwards by 1 year in that time, yet you can see that his reading has improved.

Along with trying to get to the bottom of your son's actual problems, I would be asking questions of the school:
How can they have let him go backwards?
Why can they not differentiate the work to cope with his level?
How far adrift is he from the next 2 or 3 children?

What do they expect to achieve by placing him in the special unit? Is it for their convenience or will it actually help him?

chocchypig-yes I was by that statement-I dont believe he is 3 years behind-certainly not across the board.

I know that there are 3 other children on the same reading level as him. I also believe that there is at least 1 other child in his class who is at the same level as him at numeracy skills. I do not know if these children have sen.

Tbh the teacher was quite vague about how exactly it would help him by attending the sn unit-more one on one care apparently. But he had an addtional support teacher for reading twice a week anyway and I have seen the difference this has made.

The school do differentiate with his work-he works along side doing the same work as the rest of the class-eg in the morning they do spelling then reading then maths. But he works at the level that he is on.

At the last parents evening his teacher said they were still concerned but that he was making steady progress and-in her words-his handwriting had improved dramatically-admittedly it was very bad and is still not great.

liz-Last year they did set up an iep for my ds. I cannot remember exactly the goals that were set but I do believe my ds has certainly reached some of them-particularly with regards to his reading skills. I am not the only one who thinks this-his teacher also confirmed it. He was supposed to have the same teacher this year but sadly she has been off ill.

I agree that the special unit may not necessarily be the best option for him. It may be, and of course you'll have to look at it to make an informed decision, or, at least, to argue your case from such a position. But if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't easily agree to something that seems to go so much against the grain. I'd be tempted to pinpoint the problem more, and, if you can at all afford it, go in search of the best and nicest tutor you can possibly find. I realise you are supporting him, but I think one-to-one attention from someone other than a parent can potentially make a lot of difference.

Well I phoned the teacher today to tell her we wish ds to remain in ms school-explained we felt it was too much upheaval and might put him back even further-and she just said fine-didnt even seem that interested!

Will attend the meeting with ed psych in the next couple of weeks and see if they can up up with any ideas.

Thanks for all the replies.

I read this last night but didn't know what to say. Everything seemed to have been covered by other people. I know exactly what you mean when you say that you're afraid that the stigma of being in the unit would stay with him for years to come. If it were me, I'd be doing exactly the same as you and waiting for a diagnosis before considering a move.

Pink, I agree with other people who say you should wait until your ds has been assessed.

It sounds as though you need more information about the whole additional support for learning (ASL) process works. Do you know aout Enquire? It is the Scottish service that provides information about all things ASL. They do goof information sheets and have a helpline too so you can speak to someone. Their website is here
There may also be an organisation in your local authority area who can give you further info.
There is a presumption of mainstram schooling, so if this is what you want you can say so. However as others have siad you also need to decided wheher this is really in the long term interest of your ds. I am a bit suprised that the school seems to have ruled out a split between the mainstream and the aditional needs school, especially if they are on the same site. Have they said why?

jellicle-No school did not mention if it were possible to go between the 2 schools-thye did obviously say that my ds would still be included in whole school activities-assembly,show etc.

However in the 4 years my ds has been at the school I have never heard of a child who had been in the ad needs unit transferring back into the mainstream school. I think once they have labeled them as sen that they are just stuck there.

I will await the appointment with ed psych as any outcomes they reach. I would be willing to consider holding my ds back for a year but dont know if this is amenable to the school.

Thanks again for the replies.