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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Can teachers refuse young children who need the toilet?

49 replies

RIZZ0 · 18/10/2011 21:53

What it says on the tin really. Our school only lets reception children go to the loo when needed. Everyone else has to wait for breaks, and I wondered if this is allowed?

DS is a young 5, in year 1. He can usually manage to hold it quite well so to be fair, hasn't complained himself, but I'd hate for him to have an accident and feel humiliated. Other mums at school have been upset about it and I have also, when helping out, seen a child in DS' class begging to go, whilst seemingly in a lot of discomfort, being told to wait and then forgotten about.

I know teachers have to encourage them to wait as they get older, but it seems archaic and mean... I'd understand if they said "can it wait a few minutes?" and if told "no" then let them go, but surely it's not good for kids who are bursting for a wee/poo to hold it until an allotted time when they're so little, never mind having an accident which can be humiliating.

Anyone know the rules on this sort of thing?

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Collision · 18/10/2011 21:56

They should be allowed to go when they need it tbh.

However as they go through school they will be told to go at break and lunch and that they cannot avoid lessons by needing the loo!

Believe me it is much easier to let a child go to the loo than let them wet themselves and then go through the palava of finding clean clothes for them.

I always let mine go and they are in Y2.

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 21:57

Well. All I can say is that I let all kids go to the toilet. I work with 11-18..... I have had a kid have an accident in class and I;m pretty sure it will haunt him all his life. Kids are encouraged to wait for bell but build up trust relationship and I have high expectations that they will not take advantage.

i have teeny bladder and I hated this about school.

helpmabob · 18/10/2011 21:58

Mine is so scared of getting into trouble by asking to go to the toilet that he has started wetting himself

dikkertjedap · 18/10/2011 21:58

It is very disruptive if you are explaining an activity and a child wants to go to the toilet, just having had break and having had plenty of time to go to the toilet. You can bet your boots, that it sets a chain in motion, with one after the other going. Also, some children use it as an excuse so they do not have to do an activity. So, yes, it is really important that they learn to go to the toilet at the appropriate times, they have plenty of breaks. Clearly, if they are bursting a teacher will let them go.

acsec · 18/10/2011 21:59

I always let the children go to the toilet - unless it is the 3 young rascal boys who all seem to need the loo at the same time and spend an awfully long time there - they go 1 after the other. Otherwise I never make them wait, it's just mean, especially as Reception age children only tend to realise they need to go when they REALLY need to go.

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 21:59

So, remind them before break and dinner. And ask them not to interupt when teacher is talking but he's 5 for goodness sake!

Hassled · 18/10/2011 22:04

I think usually you can trust a teacher to make a judgement re whether it's a genuine urgent need or whether it's a kid who just fancies a break/is stalling/will be messing about in the loos for 10 minutes. All the teachers I've come across seem pretty good at working out which it is, and encourage the children to go at breaktimes.

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 22:09

Nice one hassled.

Original poster

RIZZ0 · 18/10/2011 22:10

helpmabob poor love

Thanks everyone so far, I did have a feeling it was our school being old fashioned.

My DS has not had a problem yet touch wood. But felt so sorry for the other child who looked really distressed. I said something in the end and she was scolded for not saying it was serious (all for my benefit) even though she had.

I think I might mention it to the head, although I know she'll be defensive. You just expect infants to be given a level of nurture I'm not seeing at our school since he left (lovely) reception...

OP posts:

2ddornot2dd · 18/10/2011 22:16

I have been told that it's actually illegal to not let them go to the loo when they need to - what if they had a bladder infection you didn't know about. I agree with encouraging them to wait so as not to be disruptive, but I don't think you can refuse straight out. (Although I bet my teachers did).

This could be a load of crap, but was told it by a headteacher's wife!

wigglesrock · 18/10/2011 22:20

My dds primary school let them go when they want in P1 and P2, but when they go into P3 ( 6-7 years) they can only go in breaks.

KTk9 · 18/10/2011 22:25

My dd was put on the 'black cloud', for having to go to the toilet during class, she had not long come in from a break, but during that break had been doing extra reading with one of the support teachers, as she had specialist help for a while.

She was extremely upset about being on the cloud, as she really does like to conform. When I asked her why she hadn't gone during the break, she explained that she was doing her reading and then didn't get time before going back to class. I then said, did you explain to Miss that you couldn't go because you were with Mrs T and she said she tried, but Miss said 'she didn't want to hear it!'.

Made me cross, because she does have intermittent bouts of diaorhea as result of which is when she has to go she has to go!!!!

I resisted the urge to say anything to the teacher, didn't want to come across as interfering with the status quo and all that, but I felt it was unfair, she was only just 6!

dikkertjedap · 18/10/2011 22:30

mmm, never heard of it being illegal. That would suggest that it would be against the law.

helpmabob · 18/10/2011 22:36

I sincerely hope it is against the law to refuse a child who really needs to go. I am hoping my ds's teacher is unaware he is so scared and fully expect her to be understanding and helpful when I raise the problem with her tomorrow.

dikkertjedap · 18/10/2011 22:39

And I am sure a lot of parents will say the same about dc having access to their drink every minute of the day. Don't forget the main reason for schools is to teach children, not to mollycoddle them, that can be safely left to most parents.

shushpenfold · 18/10/2011 22:46

Gosh - I wish you taught my children dikkertjedap....

helpmabob · 18/10/2011 22:50

dikkertjedap did you not see my post about my dc now wetting himself because he is so scared of getting into trouble for asking to use the loo. School is there to teach children not to let them develop psychological problems and wet themselves at the age of 7.

OliviaTwist · 18/10/2011 22:56

My mum always hammered into us that if we asked to go and teacher said no, and we really needed to go, that we just went anyway and she would deal with the consequences later. Never had to use 'the power' but it was always nice to know it was there if needed.

dikkertjedap · 18/10/2011 22:57

Bit confused helpmabob - why can't your dc aged 7 go to the toilet during the breaks like everybody else? What would happen if we teachers go to the toilet during lessons? We all have to stick to the rules, as said before if a child is bursting you clearly make an exception, but that is what it is, an exception.

And yes, I am a very old fashioned, results oriented teacher. Also, I have high expectations of them and am proud of their achievements. I can't always say this of the parents though.

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 22:59

result orientated.

says it all really.

helpmabob · 18/10/2011 23:02

Clearly something is not right and he is needing the toilet more. He is one of the most well-behaved children in the class as told to me by every teaqcher he has ever had. He has an absolute fear of being naughty at school.

I actually can't believe you are equating a cjhild's issues with needing the toilet with an adults. I am incredibly upset about this as it is entirely unusual for him to wet himself. He is beside himself in case he gets into trouble and his friends notice and tease him about it.

If you have no sympathy for this type of situation then god help schools. I find this incredibly heartless and I really hope his teacher is more human about this and helps us out.

We all have to stick to the rules - bloody hell

nailak · 18/10/2011 23:05

a friend of mines son has just started reception, and although he was fine in nursery has started wetting himself on a daily basis as he finds it hard to get the teachers attention and ask when he has to go to toilet, in my dds reception class they are free to use toilets anytime.

AndiMac · 18/10/2011 23:05

What an extremely odd thing to say; that wanting to allow your child to go to the loo when they need it is somehow contrary to having high expectations and being proud of your child.

Perhaps you should go to the loo occasionally during your lessons dikkertjedap - it might leave you less distracted and in a more pleasant mood.

newportstateofmind · 18/10/2011 23:06

I always ask children to try and wait until the teaching input has finished and they are working on their own task (as it is less disruptive and they don't miss the teaching - 10 min wait max). Having said that, if a child looked like they were in discomfort I would always let them go.

If they're not desperate I often say that they have to wait til the previous person has come back (esp. as many children seem to need the loo at exactly the same moment as their best friend!

(That's with Yr 2/3/4 - would never make little dabs wait)

t0lk13n · 18/10/2011 23:11

Our school office complains and then the head complains if we send kids to get the keys too often - secondary - so I usually say no.... unless very desperate...you can tell who is genuine or if they are being sick. Definitely no if it s just after break or lunch...plus It is very disruptive because no sooner one asks than others ask...grrr!

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