Catholic Primary Education - do i want this for DS

[YokoOhNo]

DH is a practicing Catholic and went to Catholic school. I was baptised and went to church as a child, but I'm basically agnostic, although I do appreciate the Christian message of "love thy neighbour" and the church as something that binds the community.

Briefly, the local Catholic primary school is excellent and DH wants DS (7 months) to be baptised Catholic so he can do there. I have been to a few services at the church with DH and DS, which is very friendly and the priest is lovely and, obviously, I am keen to get DS into a good school, but I'm hesitating.

While I have no problem with a Christian ethos in education, I have a issues with many of the formal teachings of the Catholic church on homosexuality, contraception, priestly celebacy etc, and what I feel are the more hocus pocus aspects such as pilgrimages to Lourdes etc (I don't mean to offend, just state my view). DH says I'm being daft, that he is RC, that DS's education is too important not to baptise him and "hardly any Catholics believe half that stuff anyway" and that I should get over my concerns.

DS was an IVF baby and we want to be very open about that with him, but the Catholic church is critical of assisted conception. His lovely aunt is a lesbian. I would hate him to feel criticised or upset.

I suppose what I'm asking is, are my doubts rediculous? Do Catholic primary schools mainly teach the "Jesus is love" message and have nativity plays and carol services, or does it go much deeper into some of the more controversial aspects.

The catholic schools in my area state baptised before 6 months as teh first criteria and as they are popular you stand no chance unless this is the case (barring medical, adoption reasons etc).

whoreshairknickers - (love your posting name BTW!) Wow, I have never heard of a downright refusal for baptism! The admission criteria here does not state that the DCs have to be baptised before any date/age, although I know it happens in other areas, hence my question, if this thread and my angst was all in vain . As the school is v over subscribed and requires a reference from the priest, I imagine that the priest would be rather at baptising a child months away from Yr1 and would write a lukewarm ref. I'd hope that approx 8-9 months old wouldn't lead to quite the same problems, hence my question about whether they would tacitly look at the baptism date.

MrsBlarney - sadly, my experience of certain practicing Christians (not Catholics) was similar to yours and the hypocracy put me off, hence my general agnosticism, although, as I say, the fundamental Christian message of love is not a bad way to live your life.

Thank you so much everyone for contibuting.

my DDs were 2.5 years and 6 months. They prefer earlier but i've never heard of any refusing - the CofE churches are much more strict near me! I imagine if you try to baptise at school age they may be suspicious but i did mine together and my eldest was 2 1/2 and running up to get baptised!

I've been attending my local RC Church weekly for a year and a half (since moving here) and DD (3) is baptised but she only attends once a month as she is a bit of a handful during the service (won't sit still). My Church is large and popular and I doubt the priest knows who I am - certainly not my name. How on earth will he know I attend regularly when he sees my DD's name on the school application form? I am quite shy so I don't do readings or anything else...

OP, if the admissions criteria for your school doesn't make mention of the child being baptised by a certain age then it shouldn't be used for selecting who gains a place. Church schools can set their own admissions criteria and generally speaking the more over-subscribed the school is the harder it is to get into. The school that my DD goes to just required a copy of the birth certificate and a signature from the priest that we attend church regularly. Some schools have an attendance rate applied to the application and you have to sign a registar when attending mass. But it should state clearly in the admissions criteria what is required and the school must follow this criteria to the letter. For example if there is no mention of age of baptism within the criteria then they cannot use this information within the selection process. Therefore if a child has been baptised only six months prior to gaining a place and the date of baptism is not one of the criteria then that child has met the criteria purely by being baptised. As you say the priest may take a dim view but the priest is vouching for the attendance at mass, not the baptism. Infact my priest didn't even ask to see my DD's baptism certificate.

BsshBossh: Usually you have to make an appointment seperately with the priest for him to sign the supplementary form. It won't be a case of him sitting down to sign a load of school applications.

BssBossh - one of the things that I do like about the church that DH attends, and the school is affiliated to, is that there is a childrens' mass each week and it doesn't matter if v wriggly DS makes a fuss. It makes me think that children are welcome and relevant. This church is also very busy/large well attended, so i am sure the priest wouldn't know us (caveat - we would have to attend baptism classes, if we progress this, so he will if we go). I know that DS always quickly shakes the priest's hand and thanks him for the service after mass (he would anyway, I think), maybe you could do that? omeone more knowledgale than me will post better advice though!

wow i cant believe the difference between catholic schools! In my area you just have to be baptised - nothing to do with going to church. I think thats fair - as people lives and commitments vary and its unfair to disadvantage those who work shifts, those with very young children etc. Also i don't think you need to go to church to be a practising catholic -seems more about increasing church attendance figures than anything else. It certainly gives a more negative view and i understand why people in oversubscribed areas feel frustrated with school admissions. As for meeting the priest for signatures - i'm genuinely shocked - i've not heard of any of the catholic schools in my area asking such a thing. I suppose it depends on just how oversubscribed an area is - near me if you are catholic and live in parish you are pretty much guaranteed entry to a catholic school - places always exceed the catholic numbers applying.

I'm a bit surprised that your DH is a practising Catholic and only wants your DS baptised to keep schooling options open. I'm rather the other way. I am a practising Catholic, whose children are baptised, but I choose not to send them to Catholic schools. Not through any bad experience on my part (my schools were lovely) but because I disagree with religious affiliated state schools generally.

My sons go to an RC primary in London. It is a good school, a lovely school.

But, as an atheist, I dont think it would be good for you and your child to put him through a religious school. How would you support his school experience? How will you deal with your happy grinning child rocking up a good hymn? What will you say when your little darling starts bellowing "Gloria Gloria in excelsis Deus" while clapping excitedly? Will you be present at "Beginning of term Mass"? Harvest festival? Other liturgical events? What will you say when your child is talking about Jesus and excitedly comes home telling you that he got to help Father Murphy at Mass, etc? At most devoted Rc primaries, religion, school and life are heavenly heavily intertwined.

My sons were both baptised when they were 12 months old. Made no difference.

His father isn't an atheist though. He is a practising Catholic.

Will your DS go to church with his father as he grows up?

The father is not a practising catholic. Just saying he is doesnt make it so.

At a catholic primary school about the only thing that may possibly come up in your dcs education would be celebacy but probably not in great discussion it will possibly be covered in the sacraments but not untill about y5 or 6.

The other things as a parent you are free to discuss, explore with your children within your own ideals and faith as a family.

I was brought up a catholic I send my dd to a catholic school but hold my own faith and religiouse values. My dd in y1 was read the creation story and is covering this is RE, the only conflict is that it does not run concurently with the curiculum in terms of evolution, so this has not been introduced to her in class yet, so I did post a thread on MN but the general thought was I was over thinking this. The RE is not taught to my dd in an indoctoring way and I have taken my dd to the library as Is my duty to when educating my own dd and we have a book about evolution. It is all good dd understands what is what and along side the schools catholic values she will also be enriched with your own values, If im honest I think it is enrichening and you also have control of your dds education untill she is able to explore these ideas for herself.

I doubt her dh will expect her to share his enthusiasm of having learnt some new hymns, though...

I thought it says he is in the OP. And that he goes to church?

And I meant that the dad can share the son's enthusiasm, even if the OP doesn't.

If he were practising then his child would already have been baptised and he wouldnt have used IVF. Going to church once a week doesnt make you practicing.

opting for ivf and not rushing to babtise your dcs donsnt make you not practicing either.

Not sure how you can be practising if you dont follow the very basics. (as wrong as they seem)

Ah. OK.

Well, I think if you did a quick poll of the congregation in my church you'd find a lot of bad catholics (me included). Still catholic though.

The "making up your own mind" re baptism is though pretty unusual, as I commented earlier.

Of course you would but I think baptism is a pretty basic thing. My dc's schools require baptism before 6 months or you dont stand a chance to get in.

ivf and early baptism IMHO is not the very basics, to you maybe not me not, that is why my faith is so personal to me. I wouldnt also consider myself not practicing because I eat shell fish and also had pizza last friday and not fish.

wantadvice when dd3 was baptised there was a little boy of about ten/eleven months being baptised as well. In our parish they make a concerted effort not to rush baptisms, as they would prefer the parents were aware of what they were undertaking on behalf of their child and that it was a quick baptism to please granny.

that made no sence, the jist was I would not consider my self as not practicing as I eat shel fish and had pizza rather than fish on a friday. my dd was not baptised untill 16 months.

For oversubscribed catholic schools, early baptism is very important not to mention if you genuinely believe the purpose of baptism then I'm not sure how you couldn believe it to be very important.