Am I over-reacting? Day 2 and Teacher wants to keep him in at break.

[goneboho]

My son has just started at a new school in Year 1. He has been very anxious about starting at the new school, as we took him out of Reception at another school back in January because he was having difficulty settling in and we felt that he wasn't ready to be in the school environment. We have been home-schooling him since January.

He is a bright boy, but can be stubborn, wilful, quiet and very shy.
Because of my anxiety about him going back to school, I had long discussions with the school Inclusion Manager about how to make this a successful transition for him, and explained some of the problems he had at his first school last year.

The new school have been very supportive, and agreed to him starting on a part-time basis in order for him to settle in more easily. However, I arrived at midday today to collect him and was told by the teaching assistant that as he had refused to do his Maths work today, he would be kept in at break tomorrow morning.

As Rubin and I walked away, I asked him about this. He said he wasn't sure if they do maths differently at the new school (as opposed to the way we have taught him at home, I guess) - I take this to mean he was a little unsure/nervous about what he was doing. But that is to be expected - he has just been plonked in a new environment with new systems and new ways of doing things, and what I would expect at this stage is that they would spend a bit of time trying to learn how best to encourage him and communicate with him, not go straight to placing him on sanctions.

I was a secondary teacher myself, before my son was born, and this kind of sanction would have been reserved for much further down the line - once other methods of communication and encouragement had been tried.

My fear is that they have already labelled him as a naughty child, based on what I told them about his behaviour at his first school, instead of giving him a fair and fresh start.

I also think it's unreasonable to keep 5 year olds in at break time, especially on their 3rd day in a new school. Am I over-reacting?

My partner is going to call the school and complain, and demand that the sanction be withdrawn. I am frightened that we are going to bungle this new relationship with the new school before we're even out of the blocks, but I want to stand up for my child, and I think the school have over-reacted in this instance.

Advice and thoughts would be hugely welcome right now.
Thanks.

So you are used to the reaction of 'OMG, like, you are just so insensitive and 'conventional' You're damaging my karma'

Well OP, I didn't just jump on the thread, I offered advice on the first page but it clearly hasn't even registered. Which some might call rude.

And I have to be honest, none of the responses you had to your original post seemed particularly judgemental to me. Not many agreed with you but that's not the same thing as passing judgement really is it?

I think perhaps you don't fully understand what the word 'judgement' means. If you have decided that too many parents 'wipe their hands clean of raising their children responsibly' then you most certainly are making a judgement. A 'generic statement about society' it most certainly is not.

I'm a fast runner....

I'm renaming my big knickers "generic-statement-about-society-pants"

I think part of raising your child responsibly is ensuring they realise their actions will have consequences.

Let's go and sit on the naughty step together.
I'll bring my instrument of child abuse5 minute sand timer.

TheFlyingOnion

Think I'll start a thread on breastfeeding/WOHM so I can make some 'generic statements about society'.

I've just had a flashback to my first Year 1 class when the new boy knocked out the tooth of another boy. His mother came flying through the door the next morning to reprimand me about her son's bleeding knuckles and remind me it wasn't his fault, he's naughty because he's so bright...

Dear goneboho - perhaps it would help if you wouldn't mind sharing a bit more detail of your families ideology in regards to education ?

Our family and community view of education is very unusual (lots of threads on G&T, Prim Ed, and AIBU from me ) and it really helped me to be open and explain where I was coming from as a means to sharing and learning from each other, without slipping into upset and offence (too much !).

Might you like a look at the G&T pages on here? my general feeling from your posts and attached article,is that you have reason to think your boy is particularly gifted, possibly leading to angst regarding whether any school system could effectively challenge him to truly reach his potential.

MrsGravy, fyi, this was my second post in the thread, which followed your first piece of advice:

^Thanks for the helpful, supportive comments (from some of you). I was nodding my head in agreement after the first few I read. Please understand that I wrote this at an emotional moment and probably sounded a bit more unreasonable than I really am. This is why I was happy to let DH deal with it, as he is a calm, fair and hugely likeable person on the phone, whereas I often come across as a total hysteric!

We always planned to phone the school and have a proper conversation with the teacher. We both agreed that the most likely cause of our tension over this was poor communication. That and the fact that we know we are a bit sensitive because we got burned the first time around.^

Perhaps you didn't notice this earlier. It was in response to the advice from the people like you on the first page. I didn't feel it was worthwhile responding to every suggestion individually, as it would take me too long. But I did agree with you.

mrz,
I said:
Ultimately, my son will have to take responsibility for his choices, which is what we are trying to teach him.
So we are in total agreement on that one.

RosemaryandThyme,
I don't consider him 'particularly gifted', and neither am I concerned about whether school will help him reach his full potential. I am concerned, though, that his behaviour may be a coinciding factor with his giftedness - this is not my attempt to excuse it - and that the school system will focus only on the bad behaviour and ignore his real talents and abilities. I have seen this happen in the system, having been a teacher myself, and it can severely limit a child from reaching their potential and be very damaging to their self-esteem (which is a far more significant influencing factor on potential success in life).
Thank you for the invitation to talk more about our ideology on education, but given the general tone that this thread has descended into I don't intend to give the matter any more airtime.

^The alarm bells were raised for me, at DS's first school when they started asking if they could get him tested for ADHD or Autism, and this is when I found the article above.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with their child? Realize I may need to start a new thread on this one.^

Well my experience is that my very clever child also had ASD. I wasn't as lucky as you however as school never suggested that ASD might be a cause for his problems.

Have you had ASD ruled in or out yet? Even if you're sure he doesn't have it, it's a very good idea to get a professional opinion on it given the problems he's had in 2 schools.

And of course if he doesn't have it, then the professionals will agree with you and if it ever gets raised again at school you can tell them that.

Dear goneboho,

Hope you don't go away from MN forever, sharing and discussing different approaches can be supportive and thought provoking for all us mums.