Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Which of your child(ren)'s friends/classmates do you like least and why?

76 replies

NormaSnorks · 28/08/2011 12:07

DS2 (9) asked me why we never seem to have classmate X over to play and I answered him quite honestly - "because he is rude to me, doesn't do things I ask (like take muddy shoes off in house) and is nasty to you about your toys and the things you do"
The bit I didn't say to DS is that I also think he is a bad influence on him, because DS copies his way of talking an attitude Hmm

Out of DS1(11)'s 'friends' I'm least keen on a child who comes to our house and proceeds to turn it upside down - nosing in drawers/ fiddling with stuff (models, toys, techo things) until he breaks them, and also has no respect for our home - jumps around on sofas/beds, and goudged a big scratch in our kitchen table with a paper clip Angry.

In both cases the parents think their children are little darlings/angels. I wish I had the guts to be honest with them...
In the case of the table incident, I DID mention it and the mother just looked a bit crestfallen, and said, "Oh poor Y, I expect he didn't realise he was doing it..."
No apology or anything....

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
FellatioNelson · 29/08/2011 20:30

sorry, I meant either 'promptly threw it back up' or 'proceeded to throw it back up' - not prompted to throw it back up' which is clearly nonsense. Confused

youarekidding · 29/08/2011 20:33

I just accept DS friends as they are and tbh DS tends to behave a little out of fashion with friends around so I presume the visitors are too.

I did however have some friends around for DS birthday (his friends!). His best friend kept swinging on the back of my reclining chair and swinging it around despite repeatedly being told to stop. He eventually titled it over, it landed on him and is now broken, and when his mum picked him up and he announced 'he never wants to come to my house again' I simply replied 'OK, bye'. Grin Didn't tell the mum as you can garuntee DS will. Wink

motherinferior · 29/08/2011 20:33

I should add: these are not toddlers I'm talking about - my kids are eight and 10. So their mates are quite old enough to be polite. (Which most of them are. I do, actually, like most of their friends enormously, including a few fussy eaters who are Fussy but Polite.)

thecaptaincrocfamily · 29/08/2011 21:45

Mmmm, dd has a friend who is a fussy eater which is really difficult. We have strict mealtime rules and dd eats most things. My younger dd2 then copies the fussy behaviour if she comes for tea. The girl is lovely but this part of her I dislike.
Dd1 also has a friend who is largely unsupervised and will come into our house whenever the door is left open without asking which is annoying and isn't reciprocated .....they are always about to go out whenever I tell dd to go to her house for a change Hmm
Another friend is very quiet and very sly, getting dd into trouble if she goes to their house to play i.e. will say something spiteful and then dd retaliates and gets caught by a parent who then tells her off.

GiganticusBottomus · 30/08/2011 07:33

Thecaptaincrocfamily - if this child's fussy eating really aggravates you I would agree in front of her mum what it is you are going to serve up, check she likes it with her mum and her. That way, at meal time she can be expected to eat it all up - you can cite her mum if she is being difficult.
TBH I am massively sympathetic with fussy eaters having been one myself, I loved seeing friends but literally feared meal times in case it was something I didn't like as I didn't want to say I didn't like it.
It is, however, extremely ruddy annoying when you cook and a child picks at it and won't eat it and the expects pudding/treats afterwards!

tothemoonandback · 30/08/2011 07:40

I dislike two of my son's friends (brothers) who just come in the house and trash it, every single room they go into. They also jump up and down non stop on the furniture even after being told to stop. Their house is a shit tip, mine isn't but after they've gone home it is. Grrrrr.

Valetude · 30/08/2011 07:45

Yes there is one who I would cheerfully never see again.
No concept of behaving especially well for other parents or else you don't get invited back you little toerag.

bigTillyMint · 30/08/2011 07:50

I feel so lucky - I can honestly say that I do not dislike any of my DCs friends.

DS, being a very active boy, has a number of friends who are similarly active - I encourage them to meet up in the park....

Plus, as an assertive teacher, I am more than capable of getting children to behave at my house Wink

NorksAreMessy · 30/08/2011 07:55

Time for the MN mantra

This too shall pass.

DC are now teenagers and all their friends are like them. So, the little odd traits that get to me about my DC are the same rather lovable Hmm traits that their friends have. Nothing serious, daft things like talking too fast, fantastically untidy rooms when they stay over, spending ages on computers if allowed, playing drums at 11pm, having to be dragged away from a book to eat, nothing at all serious, but funny to see it replicated in the people they choose as friends.

Conversely, their friends are also like them in the ways that make me love them, chatty, funny, bright, polite. There are some friends that I would love to adopt and have made no bones about it :o.

Also, because I am always craftifying something, there are lots of teenagers who arrive ready to make things. I love that.

Once DS had a 'not a real friend but he is in my class and really popular so can I invite him for tea ' type friend. He was a pain in all the ways described by other posters. My DS said after he left 'I don't think Jack is nice at our house. Perhaps he won't be able to come again'
Job done

wordfactory · 30/08/2011 08:11

Yes indeed Norks.

Small people get over excited at other people's houses and forget their manners. Also, my house, my rules doesn't work when they don't know the rules.

By the time they're eleven it completely settles down. They often meet their friends eleshwere, and if they do come over you don't see hide nor hair of them other than at meal times when they inhale what you put in front of them.

gabid · 30/08/2011 08:21

Good to see that some of your DCs are so very different. My DS (6) is and has always been hard work, he loves children who are behaving stupidly and then goes over the top. He also plays very nicely with nice children, but I believe he will always be the one to watch. He often chooses friends with few boundaries and finds it hilarious when they misbehave and joins in with gusto, I therefore have the same rules for everyone in my house, but I can't say anything if I see his friends being rude/hitting out at their own parents! - I can't imagine every trusting him, I dread the teenage years!!

My DD (almost 3) is much easier, she hates it when I am upset with her, and therefore its easy to set boundaries with her.

PiousPrat · 30/08/2011 08:41

I think that sometimes, playground reputations do some DC a diservice. DS1 has had 2 friends who were regular visitors for quite a while. One was from 'that rough family', single Mum, 4 kids to 4 different dads, never worked, kids kicked out to play until all hours type. The lad himself was quite a handful at school so of course he stood out and DS1 gravitated towards him. I was it the first time he came round for tea as I had heard all the tales in the school yard of what he had supposedly done. He was quite boisterous and DS1 & 2 were copying him, so I reminded all of them of the house rules and all apologised. After that one telling off, I never had to tell him again, in 3 years. When he sat down for tea that first time, he was at the spread (spag bol with garlic bread and salad FFS, hardly cordon bleu) and was so complimentary. He became a regular fixture and would be round twice a week (partly so I knew he had had a proper meal). Despite my singing his parises in the school yard at kicking out time, in those 3 years we were still the only house where he was allowed in Sad

Conversely, the other little treasure DS1 palled up with had a reputation as being no bother, nice as pie, easy going etc. I can only imagine that it was because he was so quiet that you could forget he was there... until you found the cheese in the hamster cage or realised the multipack of toilet roll had run out quicker than expected and discovered it stuffed up the (fortunately not in use) chimney. Meal times were a nightmare with him. He wouldn't reply to options given, he wouldn't eat. I found out from his mum what he ate at home and served that, down to the same brands. After a month of Tuesday being pizza and oven chips night Hmm and him refusing to eat anything, I gave up asking him. I served what I knew my DC would eat and hoped this boy might at least pick at it. After a while I just couldn't keep it up any more so had to start inventing excuses for why he couldn't come on a set day, then stretching out that gap between visits until they naturally petered out. I just couldn't afford to keep wasting perfectly good food for him to turn his nose up at it, or face the guilt of sending him home every single time and having to tell him Mum he hadn't eaten a thing.

We have recently moved and DS1 hasn't really met any of the kids here yet, but DS2 already has a little circle of mates who troop to the back door to see if he is about. I don't know any of them well enough to pass judgement (yet, give me time Wink ) but since both DC are old enough to walk themselves to school now, I will dodge the playground gossip so might be better placed to assess the kids on their merits rather than what may be an undeserved reputation.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 30/08/2011 12:12

Oh there are a few kids I don't like (or rather they do things I don't like but will probably grow out of it). Fortunately at almost 11 ds doesn't like spending time with them either. He's never been impressed by popularity or "cool".

I'm under no illusions however that ds is a constant joy to have round for others' parents. He's getting way better, but is extraordinarily easy to wind up - which became a bit of a sport among the neighbour kids for a while and is very tiresome. And he can be monosyllabic - you wouldn't get an "I'm fine thank you Mrs Patterson. And how are you?" on greeting him. More likely a mumbled "m'ok fanks".

Having helped out on trips the ones I dread being in my group are the self-righteous snitches (ds was one sometimes, but there are degrees of self-righteous snitchiness) and the ones who are so enamoured of whoever is "popular" that they act like members of their entourage (at others' expense). Actually they tend to be one and the same - desperately trying to get others in trouble it seems, particularly in support of whoever Golden Balls is.

FellatioNelson · 30/08/2011 12:41

I can't bear those loud, self-righteous snitchy children either - they are insufferable. I'd rather have a slightly over-boisterous/mischievous but transparently honest child to deal with, than a manipulative sneaky whiner any day.

hifi · 30/08/2011 12:51

there are 2 of dd friends who are a right pita,7 years old and still crying if they dont grt their own way.i just ignore them now.

Blackduck · 30/08/2011 13:08

The ones who rip everything off the walls (pictures, posters etc), who deliberately throw balls into next door and who touch things that are clearly not toys. And the ones who deliberately go out to wind up other children and then go crying to mummy when they retaliate

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 30/08/2011 14:22

And the ones who deliberately go out to wind up other children and then go crying to mummy when they retaliate

Those have been the bane of my life at times. Ds was always a bit of a target for it as he was so easily wound up. Which doesn't make his retaliation OK but as I said upthread, it became a bit of a local sport. Thankfully ds is happy enough to avoid them and he's better at walking away now.

The destructive ones I just don't get. I sincerely hope ds has never been like that but I don't know for sure, so I don't want to be smug about it. But why on earth do they think it's OK? I'm sure they don't behave like that at home, and I bet their parents don't realise they're like that elsewhere Confused

SE13Mummy · 30/08/2011 16:29

DD1 is nearly 7 and I can't think of a single friend/classmate of hers that I would say I don't like. There are a couple of boys who say silly things to DD1 and have taught her rude words (that she doesn't use but has spelled out to me with a prim and proper, "Mummy the word f---* is very rude isn't it?") but they are her friends and are 6-years-old.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 30/08/2011 22:10

I think the problem with friends who are fussy is the having to plan everything in advance where as other friends I might ask on the spur of the moment at the school gate if they want to come back, I can't do this with the particular friend because she dislikes most usual food Sad. I do ask what she likes and serve this up if she comes but it is odd imo to have dry pasta with no sauce with sausages Grin

Iamseeingstars · 30/08/2011 23:53

There have been kids I have taken a disliking to when they have been in my house, and I have never allowed them to come back. My children know what is acceptable and not, so understand the reasons when I say they cant come back.
I have in the past made decisions based on what their parents are like, but have come to realise this makes no difference to how the child behaves. Some children who I have considered to be "really nice kids" have behaved dreadfully in my home, and some of the more questionable kids have been lovely.

I have also noticed how differently my own kids play around different kids, sometimes displaying behavour that has shocked me, so I do wonder how they play at other peoples houses.

I no longer take nonsense from misbehaving kids and send them home.

Iamseeingstars · 30/08/2011 23:56

I also hate going to peoples houses where the children are rude to their parents, answer back, shout and scream at them and basically show no respect and embarrass their parents.

gabid · 31/08/2011 08:33

Iamseeingstars - I agree. One of DS's friends I am not so keen on, I have observed being very disrespectful to his mum at the schoolgates, screaming and hitting out at her, also I see her asking her son not to do things again and again and then saying 'one day he will listen'! Well, I think no, he won't, and DS tried to copy, only once or twice, mind you! This friend behaved disgracefully in my house once or twice. He now tows the line as I won't let him.

This boy is DS's (6) best friend and he always asks for him, which makes it hard to refuse having him round, but its always hard work to have him as I always have to entertain them and supervise to pre-empt bad behaviour. I am worried about the future, when they get to their teens, how is that boy going to behave and treat his mother then?

As for food, I feel many of you are fussing too much over it. If they can't eat fruit, crackers, homemade (self-decorated) pizza, spag bol or other usual stuff then they will just have to not eat - I won't serve them caulifour soup (one of DS's favourites!).

MrsRobertDuvall · 31/08/2011 08:53

I would stand no nonsense when dcs friends came round...there was no jumping on sofas, destroying the house. One boy in particular was fine until his parents picked him up, then he was wild...would take half an hour to get him out the door.
One day, I got him in his shoes/coat half an hour before his dad was due and made him stand by the door, bag in hand till the knock came. Then I just bundled him out. Next time he came, I asked if he wanted that to happen again. He was ok after that.

I like all their friends as teenagers.....all lovely children. I would be horrified if mine misbehaved out...they know that lots of people know me where we live, and word would get back to me . I love to hear their friends say "thank you for having me", which the boys do more than the girls.The only girl I'm not too keen on is the one who texts dd at the last minute to say she can't meet...something ( better) has come up. But dd is learning not to rely on her now.
I wouldn't tolerate any rudeness in my house from their friends, or sullen nonverbals.

GooseyLoosey · 31/08/2011 09:06

This thread makes me so sad as ds is the boy that other parents don't like and don't invite round. This has been very hard for me to deal with.

Ds is very large large and loud and does not quite "get" social norms, so I understand where they are coming from but, oh, how I wish they could see past this to the funny, kind and gentle boy he really is. I never excuse his behaviour and always ask other parents for their honest feed-back. I am known as a fairly strict parent who would not tolerate bad behaviour in my house and make it quite clear that they are free to tell him off in any way they consider appropriate.

gabid · 31/08/2011 10:21

I think all children are the same in a way. If they realise they can do as they like and get away with it they push the boundaries. I know mine does it and as an ex-teacher I have seen it a lot.

I just would be horrified if mine was rude or totally ignoring what other adults ask of him. It hasn't happened in school, but I have heard it twice in the last week. Both times I asked him to apologise, I hope he is not going to behave like that when I am not around as most parents don't seem to be too honest when it comes to feedback.

Swipe left for the next trending thread