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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Moving school at almost 6

60 replies

Benzer · 24/07/2011 00:10

Hi, I'm moving my daughter to a new school in Sept & she's devastated. I feel soooo guilty. Old school excellent and she was top of her class, but I want her to make Religious Sacraments that the old school couldn't support. Wondering how to cope with the sobbing & pleas. Bought new Uniform today which started the tears tonight. I was sympathetic but firm. Spent an hour comforting & logically going through all pros & cons & she was less upset in the end. Have promised her we'll see her old friends & that she IS going to the new school.. I feel really guilty as my daughters a v sensitive wee thing & I feel her pain. Dreading Sept.

OP posts:

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MadamM · 24/07/2011 08:50

OK I will not judge whether it is right for you to move her or not. I don't think anyone apart fro you can make that judgement (It depends a lot of the importance and the place of religion in your own family).

I have done the same thing last year with my dcs. Mainly because one of them did not thrive in that school. The other was doing OK and had no problem, settled with friedns etc... So I did have lots of hesitation to do it.

The way I did it was by emphasising the fact they would find new friends, making it as nice and attractive as possible. When there as been any tears or worries, I have lsiten to them and acknowledge them (but wo saying they were right to be upset because it was something so awfull and difficult to do).
They have both talked about the previous school this year, sometimes saying that it was better than the one they are at because of X & Y. Again I have listened and acknwledge but not made any fuss about it.
The relaity is that both of them settled very well. The one wo any issue did it in a matter of weeks. The other took more time but then that was the reason why I move them! They both have friends now, invited to bday parties etc... just as they would have in the old school.

Finally, I wanted to say that I have moved school as a child and really have never found it an issue. I think it's because ffriendsships at that age are much more changeable than with older children/teenagers. Children are also very resilient and adaptable.
Just to emphasize that moving school at that age doesn't have to be heart wrenching experience.

MadamM · 24/07/2011 08:53

OP the one thing you are not talking about is the new school. Apart from being a catholic school, how good is it? Are you convinced it is a good school r are you moving 'just' for religious reasons?

Your dc will adapt better and cope better with it if you are convinced you have done the right move.

MumblingRagDoll · 24/07/2011 08:56

Perhaps she's been on a waiting list exotic?

The child is still in infants...she'll be fine!

MigratingCoconuts · 24/07/2011 08:59

I completely agree that this is entirely Op's call as to what is important in raising her DCs; I don't understand it, is all.

The irony here is that there are other posters that would give their right arm for the kind of excellence in schooling Op is leaving behind.

I am sure the new school is equally as good (faith schools often do have a good rep which is why they are so hard to get into and I could believe that it has taken all this time to get a place).

I moved when I was 5. I still remember it, and my previous school, very clearly. But I also made new friends really quickly.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 09:00

She probably will be but it seems a funny way to go about making her a Catholic. They will have to work hard to overcome the resentment. If she loves the school it will be fine-who knows.

pinklizzie · 24/07/2011 09:00

Wow - top of the class, happy at school and you are moving her because of religion.

I hope that in due course your daughter is bright enough to see that the stance of the Catholic Church on women and contraception is incredibly damaging.

MigratingCoconuts · 24/07/2011 09:01

I can remember my main issue was the language barrier. I came from a school in Liverpool to a new one is surrey

MumblingRagDoll · 24/07/2011 09:03

They won't exotic! She's 6 for Gods sake.....they adjust very quickly. Resentment indeed!

PinkLizzie would you be so rude about the OPS reasons if she were any other religion?

ShoutyHamster · 24/07/2011 09:03

I am not religious so I admit that my opinion will be biased - but are you sure you are doing the right thing?

Read some threads on this - there are a LOT of parents on here who are having issues with schooling (friendship groups, teaching standards, teachers, playground politics) - so many things that can go wrong. They would give their right arms for their children to be happy, confident and top of the class. If my (pre-school) DD was in that position, there is NO WAY IN HELL I would risk that for her.

I can understand that the sacrament is extremely important to both you and your daughter and isn't just 'one thing' but something that you feel affects and is integral to all parts of her life. To you it is also a big and important part of her education. But please, really think carefully. Is there no way she can fulfil this through church and other religious attendance? I would not be able to propritise this over the success of her schooling in general. It could backfire badly, because you may find that unless the new school is as much of a success as the old, her attitude towards the religious teaching could also be affected. You could also argue that at six years old, she is too young to make anything other than completely parent-directed decisions regarding her religion. I would say that the prioritising of this aspect of her education should perhaps be left until she herself is older and is able to take some part in it, if it is to have the positive effect that you want. I wouldn't be saying this if the move to a Catholic school was also the better educational choice - but it doesn't seem to be!

I would think very hard indeed.

MumblingRagDoll · 24/07/2011 09:06

Don't people think they get FAR too uptight and involved about school? I wa until recntly when I decided to let all the fear go.....kids generally are fine....if they are bright as the OPs DD sounds...and sociable...then they're ok in 9 cases ut of 10.

MumblingRagDoll · 24/07/2011 09:07

Sorry about the misssing leters! I have a rubbish laptop!

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 09:09

I would lay odds on the fact that she won't be a Catholic as an adult if OP just moves her for something she can easily get out of school and puts it first priority -one year too late.

pinklizzie · 24/07/2011 09:17

Mumbling - I really do think the stance of the Catholic Church on women and contraception is damaging.

I do think it is strange to move your child is they are happy and settled, and top of the class.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 09:21

I love MN! I have just argued long and hard (until everyone got bored and gave up!) that faith schools are a good thing and here I am thinking OP is completely wrong!
I am all for choice, but to move a DD who is happy, settled and doing well seems very strange.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 24/07/2011 09:32

I really don't understand why she needs to be moved. The church should support her in doing the sacrements wherever she goes to school. Obviously they would prefer her to be in a Catholic school, but they still have an obligation to give her the prep required wherever she goes to school. Are they making it difficult for her to do the sacrements without changing schools?

MadamM · 24/07/2011 11:30

I do wonder why so mnay people think it is so bad to change school at 6yo? I mean changing school every year or so isn't good but once in 6 years?

Children adapt well to change, better than most adults so it looks. It is not the most hardship a child that age will face.

I didn't get the impression the Op was asking if it was a good idea to move her dd but how to deal with it best.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 11:50

I think they will adapt-but I wouldn't do it without a very good reason and I don't think OP has a good reason to suddenly change her mind from her choice of last year-unless there was a waiting list in which case DD should have known from the start that her school was a temporary choice.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 11:54

It is difficult to deal with-if she is sensitive and upset at the beginning of the holiday she is going to be worse in September.
I would have thought that the best way to deal with it is get in touch with Mums at the new school (must be possible through the church) spend the summer inviting them around and getting to know them. There are 5 weeks to bond with at least one other DC.

Lonnie · 24/07/2011 12:24

for all of those whom are going against op here can I ask if OP had put this.

We have been on the waiting list for the local catholic school since dd started school 2 years ago. We are catholic and it is important for me that my child gets a catholic education. We have now got a spot but my dd is feeling upset about leaving her current school. Current school is great dd is top of the class and is thriving our one complaint is that the school will not support our religious beliefs. We have accepted the place in the catholic school but she is very upset.

I think the responses would havve been one of support for the op and reassurances her dd would do well in the new one suggestions on how to deal with it all.

I am surprised how many have asked " why didnt you send her to a catholic school in the first place " I have never come acccross a catholic school that was not heavilly oversubscribed It may not have been an option.

I am not myself catolic and I have personal issues with the faith however I accept that it is important for many and it obviously is for OP. Personally we have attempted to avoid church schools but ironically after a move 4 years ago our children are nowin a COE school. they will NOT go on to the COE secondary school .

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 13:14

If she was on a waiting list she should have been told from the very start that the school that she was at was temporary and becausen't of her young age there should have been regular conversations along the lines of 'at your new school.......' so that she was never any doubt that there would be change.I may be wrong, but it sounds as if the DD had no idea, was settled and it came out of the blue.
OP shouldn't be so much talking about keeping old friends-always difficult to do- but have got names and phone numbers of the new and be arranging to get to know them before the new term.

fivegomadindorset · 24/07/2011 13:22

Lonnie, I do think in this day and age that a school with a 100% Catholic pupil base is rare, ours is 33% and by no means full, we have 6 places free in DD's class and the top two classes are combining. I am one of the ones who asked why she didn't go there in the first place, and also questioning why she cand do the preparation for the sacraments out of school, as happens here.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 13:33

It is only other people who have mentioned a waiting list-had there been one I'm sure it would have been mentioned in OP. It all sounds an afterthought to me.

ZZZenAgain · 24/07/2011 13:50

I don't think moving school at that age is going to be a big problem, so long as the new school is good and she is made welcome. I had to move a lot as a child, you do manage. If it isthe right thing for your family in your eyes and you gave it a lot of thought and had a good look at the new school first, I am sure it will be ok.

CecilyP · 24/07/2011 13:54

Lonnie, your alternative post seems pretty reasonable. It was the OP's use of language such as 'devastated', 'sooo guilty', 'sensitive wee thing and I feel her pain' and 'dreading September', that has really provoked most of the criticism. I also agree with exotic fruits that it does seems to have come out of the blue.

The only other reason that I can think of for moving a child from a school where they are happy and doing well, is a move from state to prep school at 8. In those cases the child will have spent years knowing that the move was going to happen and have been well prepared for it.

sugartongue · 24/07/2011 21:34

Can't she do her first communion prep in the parish? If she can't, and there are reasons why she couldn't go to the catholic school in the first place, then I don't see that moving her is such a dreadful thing. Everybody's view on what constitutes a good education is different, and whilst some place all the importance on academic achievement, others recognise that there is more involved in preparing your child for "success" as an adult than grades. That said, it would not be wise to move a happy settled child for the sake of a catholic education if the new school can't replicate all that too. if it can, then there's nothing to worrty about - children adapt astonishingly quickly.

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