Everyone who lives near me and can afford it seems to be sending their kids to private schools…

[sanssucre]

That's it really, I guess I've just been really surprised that none of them has even considered the local primary schools. DD will start school next year and I'd just always assumed she would go to one of the decent primary schools nearby (there are several and I'm confident we'll get into one).

Thing is, we could actually afford to go private (it would mean some sacrifices but it's do-able), we've just always wanted her to have local friends, go to a nearby school, mix with a wide variety of people etc so I haven't explored the independent option at all. However, in all honesty, the fact that so many people in a similar financial situation to ours haven't even bothered to look round the state primaries is making me wonder if I'm being hopelessly optimistic. But seriously, is it really worth spending thousands of pounds a term to teach a 4/5/6-year-old? I'm not being sarcastic or judgy, it's a genuine question, I just honestly want to know what can be so terrible about a reasonable state primary school that so many people wouldn't even give it a second look.

I appreciate that my post might raise a few heckles. I know we're very fortunate to be able to afford private education if that is the way we choose to go. I also understand that this is a very contentious/emotive issue but I'd be really grateful for some honest opinions.

My son's pre-prep doesn't try to dictate what I may or may not put in his lunchbox. Virtually worth the fees in itself.

I was educated in the state sector but my kids are going private.

I did look around the local primary schools and they were nice but had larger classes and no playing fields at all and limited outside space.

Some of the schools had a high level of English as a second language and a high proportion of certain ethnic minority groups which my kids also belong to. I wanted them in a more diverse environment than being in the majority minority IYSWIM.

Our options were to try to move into the playground of next to a good primary or go private (we live in London and being non-Christian struggle with admission criteria for faith schools).

My kids are in a school with playing fields, two full time music teachers, specialist teachers from Yr 3 and small classes.

I don't understand the kneejerk private or nothing response but living in London you have recognise that getting into a good local school can be a lot harder than you might think.

There are dull schools in both sectors.

We have some amazing state primaries where I live, with wraparound care, no lunchbox police, lively and imaginative stuff going on. So I do find it odd when people don't even visit them and head straight to the private schools. I've only met a couple of people like this though.

One I absolutely got the impression that it was about controlling with whom her dd mixed. Another it quite simply hadn't occured to her. Very strange.

OP, maybe the people who are going private have looked round the local state schools and didn't like them, but are too polite to say so.

Irksome Our school offer bursaries to low income families....and at least half of the kids who have arrived are recipients.

As previously eluded to some state schools make it very difficult for working parents. I my case no breakfast club no after school club and no effort made to help a local private nursery collect children for an after school club. A points system that means that if your mummy can't attend certain assemblies because of her job then you can never win the prize. All challenged at educational tribunal and still the head can carry on like this.

Do private primaries really take the children to faraway exotic places? None of the ones I visited do - none take them abroad. Frankly I am not sure I would want an 8 year old or even a 10 year old to go to far and exotic places on their own. I would prefer them to go with us as a family, but maybe I'm being possessive in this respect.

PS I am shocked at the number of state schools that do not provide wraparound care. My children have attended two state primaries and both have zillions of wraparound options, before, after etc....we must be very lucky, I thought this was the norm. I thought it was compulsory for schools to provide the option of wraparound?

My dss' state primary offers wraparound care from 8am-6pm, which is probably good enough for most parents working locally.

That's very lucky then rabbit as many do not.

A number of those with children in the independent sector in London see it as a badge of honour, of having 'made it'. It's like driving a Volvo or BMW, pushing a bugaboo, holidaying in Center Parcs, skiing in Winter. Heck, some of these apply to me too.

For those who don't even look at state schools, it's just a tribe thing. They don't want to stick their necks out. I understand that too tbh.

I think I am extremely lucky, in a great many ways!

MammyT - wait, holidaying in CenterParks is a sign of having made it?

I'm beginning to feel almost glad that despite my Oxford degree I'm not in the 5% elite that send their kids to private schools. I'm not sure I'd want to feel I have to not stick my neck out to belong to a tribe. It all sounds so boring, all driving the same car, same pushchair, same holidays. Yawn.

dds' state school also offers wrap-around care.

Haven't deserted the thread, just been offline for the afternoon. You've all be very helpful, thanks. Lots of food for thought.

I suppose (leaving aside all other considerations e.g. wraparound care, and comparing a good state and good private primary like for like) if a child is in a class that is half the size, with more money to spend on facilities etc there will inevitably be benefits, academically speaking, to choosing the private option. In our case though, those benefits are probably outweighed by different benefits offered by my local state primary. But I'm speaking as someone who hasn't yet had a child in school so I'm quite willing to accept that I might see it all differently in a few years time.

my private secondary school used to do trips to White Horse Hill once a year.

dd's state primary does about 4 trips per term minimum, to all sorts of places both in and out of London. I don't want my children going on faraway exotic trips with school, I want to do those with them!

Extraordinary that anyone can honestly equate 'fun' with spending more money That is exactly the kind of distortion I wanted to avoid my dds growing up with.

Miggsie I love meeting people like that. I find it so hard to believe they actually exist, I get all open mouthed and fascinated, as though I were in a museum or zoo....

Honestly though, how daft is that - not talking to someone because of where they send their kids? Talk about fear-based!

My dh remembers with great amusement a friend from university sincerely congratulating another friend of his for having got in to university from a state school, to read law. Apparently he was a lovely guy, but as clueless as they come.

Yes to Center Parcs thing! Feb or Oct half term or both. Not as the yearly holiday you understand but in addition to beach and skiing! It's the biggest concentration of the middle classes you'll find anywhere in the country! It's awash with Bugaboos and Boden.

Oh and I certainly don't think you need money to have fun. But there's no point in denying, especially at primary level, that amazing resources can hugely enrich the learning experience. And I say that as an ex teacher now working as a TA whose children have experienced both sectors.

Center Parcs is the holiday version of twigs and fairy lights in a vase imo.

SpottyFrock I always assumed it was just Butlins with midges but you've made it seem even worse. Sounds ghastly.

Of course it is! But the tribe go there for weekends and half terms so it's 'safe'.

There will be a variety of reasons why the people in your area have chosen private education. The important thing is that you're comfortable and happy with your choice of school for your child/ren. It's unhelpful to generalise state and private schools as they are all different. The main difference though is that you don't get a real choice over which state school your child goes to - it's all about where you live!! As long as you have the cash for private education you can choose a school with the right curriculum, ethos for your child.