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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

My child is very average- help her stand out :-(

35 replies

BunnyWunny · 19/05/2011 16:37

Hi
I feel a bit sad for my dd. She is 5 (6 in Aug) and in Y1. She is a lovely girl, well behaved, kind, gentle, quietish but not too shy, bright but not top of the class. Herein lies the problem. She doesn't seem to get noticed at school. I know the problem because I am an ex-primary teacher myself, and she is just one of those kids that doesn't attract any attention. She has never done the best work in the class because there is always someone better than her, she never gets into trouble, she's an ordinary looking pretty little thing so wouldn't stand out in a crowd. The poor kid has been trying for weeks to be "star of the week" but her best isn't good enough. Each week I hear tales from her of how little johnny fidgety pants is the star because he sat still, and little mr maths whizz did amazing number work etc etc.. She already has accepted the message that those who are naughty get rewarded when they are good, but good all the time gets nothing.

I don't really know how to help her. The only times she has been rewarded are as part of a group effort, never for her individual achievement. Part of the problem is that she always tries her best, therefore it's hard to see that she's really tried hard as her improvements from one day to the next aren't dramatic, unlike those kids that mess around most days and then really try one day and it gets noticed and rewarded.

I could speak to the teacher but I don't want to be seen as the pushy mum, winging because her dd hasn't won any prizes.

I fear that her 'averageness' makes her easy to overlook and that this might become an ongoing problem.

Maybe I shouldn't worry, but I feel she is feeling unappreciated at school and want to help her.
?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

haribo80 · 19/05/2011 17:02

i could have written that post. That was my dd in year 1. I didn't do anything about it. However year 2 is competely different. She has already had 2 headteachers awards.
So can't give any advice but I am sure it won't last.

IndigoBell · 19/05/2011 17:13

You can always tell the naughty kids - they're the one with 'well done' stickers plastered over them

2BoysTooLoud · 19/05/2011 17:44

I agree Indigo. My ds always gets merit points the day after a 'hyper' day. Long period of 'good' behaviour = no reward. Given up on him ever getting a 'special mention' like the 'naughtier' kids do in assembly.

smee · 19/05/2011 17:48

I don't get why you wouldn't say something if she's feeling demoralised. You don't have to make a big deal out of it. If the teacher's any good at all, surely they'd like to know.

mamasmissionimpossible · 19/05/2011 18:13

There is a mum at ds school that has little bun pigtails in her hair everyday. I saw another mum with pigtails today

mamasmissionimpossible · 19/05/2011 18:13

sorry wrong thread

Original poster

BunnyWunny · 19/05/2011 18:15

Maybe I should speak to the teacher then, I wanted her to earn a certificate on her own merit though, not because mum went in, she would know the difference for sure.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 19/05/2011 18:21

Maybe speak to the teacher and ask how the certificate system works. At ds1's school every child eventually gets a certificate (I think they draw the names out of a hat then think of a reason for getting it). Of course, not every child can be first to receive one but they all get their's eventually.

manicinsomniac · 19/05/2011 18:27

I would speak to the teacher about her general progress and self esteem and ask if there's anything you or they can do to help her gain a sense of achievement in something. Don't mention certificates and certainly don't ask for one but hopefully it will raise your daughter's profile in the teacher's eyes and she might realise for herself that your daughter needs some recognition.

mrz · 19/05/2011 19:00

At the end of the day I write down the children's names from memory and I'm afraid there are always one or two you really have to think about and I make a point of noticing the child/children the next day because it is very easy for the average quite child to get missed (when I had a TA we both did a list and compared and it was frightening how often the same children were missing from both lists)
sorry not helpful

MadamDeathstare · 19/05/2011 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BunnyWunny · 19/05/2011 19:22

I know Mrz, that's what makes me sad, I was as guilty as any teacher of missing certain children, always the ones just like my dd. It is easy done when you have 30 children to pay attention to, some are just much more demanding of your time than others. I have helped out in dds class and know for a fact that many of them are quite needy and immature, many are very able and need stretching, and lots of them are boisterous and need lots of praise and encouragement to keep them on task. DD and a few of the others are a doddle to teach! (sadly these are generally the sort that get eft to get on with things).

OP posts:

teacherwith2kids · 19/05/2011 19:43

Just sending empathy - DS aged 4 and in reception
'I will never be in the Gold Book Mummy'.
'Why not?'
'Because to be in the Gold Book you have to be bad a lot and then good for a bit. I don't want to be bad a lot.'

Sure enough, the ONLY time he ever got into the Gold Book was on the day he left the school in the middle of Year 1. Why? 'Because I am leaving - and I was last on the list in a different pen so I don't think they really meant it'.

Where I teach, I must give a certificate to every child once every half term. Yes, it's artificial, but it does avoid this kind of situation.

blackeyedsusan · 19/05/2011 20:12

Let dd make pictures and cards for the teacher... take them in the day before star of the week assembly...

How many children do they have each week? Our school has 2 per class, so each child gets the star on average twice, if they are going by a list.

Yummybrummymummy · 19/05/2011 20:31

I too could have started this thread for both my dd and ds. I would definately speak to teacher about general progress and confidence and think that the idea of making cards for teacher is great - will suggest that to dd tomorrow. Dd went on a school trip last week. Another Mum who went said that dd and her friend were so good you didn't notice them - she didn't notice the look of sheer terror on my face as i imagined teacher/helpers not knowing whether dd was still with them or not!! . Unfortunately we want our children to be well behaved and try their best but unfortuntely it is then left to us to praise them for doing just that .

pointythings · 19/05/2011 20:40

I do hate schools who reward bad behaviour by overpraising the slightest moment of good behaviour. Reading this makes me see how lucky I am in the schools my DDs go to - DD1 is apaprently very quiet in class (this is news to me) but gets a lot of merit marks because she behaves well and does good work - and it is definitely the well-behaved kids who get the recognition at the end of the term.

manicinsomniac · 19/05/2011 20:55

Argh,gold books! I remember those from the first primary school I wad at circa 1991. I still remember how outraged and fed up when 'Euan' got in it 3 times in one term for 3 individual fleeting moments of halfway acceptable behaviour and I never got in it at all.

I'm permanently scarred I tell you! ;)

Original poster

BunnyWunny · 19/05/2011 22:31

Maybe they waiting for the end of the year and she will be "star of the year!"

OP posts:

goingmadinthecountry · 19/05/2011 22:39

Ds had it sussed from Class R and told me so - did bog all till Thursday then started to pay attention! Worked every time.

Dd had the same thing at primary - you got a gold star in spellings for getting 2 more marks than last week, but absolutley no recognition if you got full marks every single week. Mad.

Needless to say, dd3 goes to a different primary...

Cordova · 19/05/2011 22:43

They solve this at our school by having house points and the chart of the ongiong house points is on the wall, so a nice well-behaved child who works hard always ends up with more house points than an erratically behaved child and and it doesn't favour the child genii over the normal usual kids!

Cordova · 19/05/2011 22:43

normal usual kids more usual kids

Cordova · 19/05/2011 22:45

goingmad

DS's class they get a House point every time they get full marks.

gordongrumblebum · 19/05/2011 22:46

Cordova, it does favour the cheats the individuals who will succeed in life though!

TheSecondComing · 19/05/2011 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cordova · 19/05/2011 22:51

how do you cheat?! ...exposes herself as naive...

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