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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Switching schools due to social limitations

32 replies

LostinSuburbia · 11/05/2011 14:48

I am seriously considering switching dd's school because she is in a small class (11) and seems to have been sidelined by the other children and play date arrangements after school. I can well see her, if she were to stay at the school becoming the obvious outsider year in year out and I feel troubled by this environment especially as she is so young (4.5). Furthermore, if she were to stay at the school next year she will become the only British origin pupil and I feel this is partly influencing this social situation. I am happy with the school itself and it recently got an outstanding report but this social setback DD's experiencing is realy begining to upset DD and she is drawring pictures of sad faces in the playground and expressed yesterday that she has no friends. I always feel that a happy child is one that thrives and learns. BTW she is an only child so the friendships formed at school and subsequent play dates are especially important. So far she is confident friendly and the teachers say she is well behaved and has decent social skills.

She has been offered a place at another school. However, switching schools is a big deal and there may well be other issues with this new option.
Your advice is very much appreciated. Would you switch your child's school at the early years stage if the social environment was negative from the start despite the school itself being of high quality?

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mumblechum1 · 11/05/2011 14:49

Yes, I would tbh.

IndigoBell · 11/05/2011 14:52

switching schools is a big deal - not really. I moved my 3 from one local school to another, and it really, really wasn't a big deal.

They've kept their old friends who live on our street / they see at cubs and made new friends.

Although I worried about it and put off the decision for a year.......

LeonardNimoy · 11/05/2011 14:56

We moved schools when DS (also an only) was halfway through reception as DH is in the forces and we had to move. They just get on with it at that age. I think it would be a shame if her earliest experiences of school were unhappy ones and think you are being entirely reasonable.

ExitPursuedByALamb · 11/05/2011 14:59

Yes - if you have the opportunity I would definitely move her.

Have you tried initiating play dates etc for your DD though?

Bonsoir · 11/05/2011 15:03

Switching schools is no deal at all at this young age and it doesn't sound as if there are going to be many opportunities for friendships for your DD at her current school. Go for it.

Original poster

LostinSuburbia · 11/05/2011 16:49

Thank you for all your meassages. ExitPursuedByALamb, I have tried since September to get play dates going. The two pupils that she has had playdates with will be leaving the school within a year. The rest of the Mums are a tight knit bunch. Further comments most welcome. Thanks

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mumblechum1 · 11/05/2011 17:06

What do you mean by a tight knit bunch?

Original poster

LostinSuburbia · 11/05/2011 18:08

Simply, that they have known each other for years, are busy and are not open to extending their circle; which does not help with intergrating my DD into the group. Tried being friendly with them and I maintain a friendly approach but result is no playdates!

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Miggsie · 11/05/2011 18:13

If your DD is not making friends and the other mums don't want to include you then I'd move her as soon as possible.

I just moved DD and she has made friends within this week! Really playing well together, the mums are very welcoming and say "so nice to have another child in the class" etc.

DD still sees her old friends but it has worked out fine. Also, there was 1 girl at the last school that I rejoice that DD will never encounter again, she was horrid to DD!

ohanotherone · 11/05/2011 18:20

This happened to me and my DS. I thought it would get better but it stayed the same and after a year I moved him and he is much happier. I wish I'd done it sooner. I go along to his new school and people speak to me, and it is SO MUCH MORE NORMAL Good Luck!!!!

Original poster

LostinSuburbia · 11/05/2011 18:22

Thanks Miggsie. That must be very satisfying for you. It gives parents so much pleasure when the children have made friends and are having happy times. I am just trying to find a way to provide that for my DD. As I keep on saying to myself, we only get one childhood. She should not be weighed down my social rejection at this age.

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PanicMode · 11/05/2011 18:38

I moved DS from one school to another in Y1 - he was in a class of 24, 17 of the children were from one particular country and all of the parents socialise together and literally stood in the playground in a circle with their backs to the other parents. It's a very tight knit community and although I tried very hard to talk to them, ask their children home, it didn't work, and so we moved him (that wasn't the only reason actually, but played a big part in the move). He's now in a more balanced social environment, and it's been a positive move.

Original poster

LostinSuburbia · 11/05/2011 19:04

Panic Mode my current experience seems to be echoing yours except the class is much smaller. Would you have moved him for that reason alone?

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WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 11/05/2011 19:16

Yes I'd move her. Can you say what you are worried about with the move/new school?

LynetteScavo · 11/05/2011 19:23

moving school isn't a big deal. I thought it was, until my boys both moved schools (both started new schools at the beginning of the school year) and showed me it wasn't.

None of my children had formed proper friendships at 4.5. DD and DS1 certainly hadn't had any play dates. DS2 had a couple of playdates, in the summer term, but he had been at nursery with the same children since he turned three, so two years already.

How many children will be in the class in the new school? She is in a class of 11, in the new school, and in her current school in September? Is this a state school? I'm thinking if it is, you don't know you are born.

rebl · 11/05/2011 19:24

I would move her. We moved our ds just half a term ago (also in reception) and he's gone from no friends to lots of friends in the space of weeks .

DoctorWhoEver · 11/05/2011 19:30

We changed schools for social reasons - we were convinced that our dc would never fit with the clique. The move was a great success and my dc has good good school friends and is happy. Best thing we ever did.

Himalaya · 11/05/2011 19:37

Been there done that, glad we did. It's a bit stressful to switch but worth it.

Original poster

LostinSuburbia · 11/05/2011 20:01

rebl you must be so happy that they have loads of friends.

WooblyWidgetOnTheScooper, my concerns are that the new school is an unknown situation and it could well have its own issues. I also suspect that her current school is the better quality school aside from the class issue and has a small village feel to it. The other option is a bigger school more formal and is not the top choice for most local parents.

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Eveiebaby · 11/05/2011 20:59

I have not been in this situation myself but I would say go for the move - children are adaptable at this age. The school may well have an outstanding ofsted report but how will this benefit your daughter if she is unhappy at the school.

Georgimama · 11/05/2011 21:01

Changing primary schools is not a big deal. I attended five. Not a big deal at all. I would go for it.

DoctorWhoEver · 11/05/2011 21:55

No matter how good a school appears to be, if your child is not happy there, cannot form friendships then they will come away with a very negative feeling about education. It really warms my heart to see my dc get excited about going to school to see friends and socialise, it has had a knock effect on confidence and self esteem - the outstanding school could not provide this no matter how hard they tried (which wasn't very).

moaningminniewhingesagain · 11/05/2011 22:17

Both me and my sibling were moved to different schools, at different times, for various reasons down to my mother being a bit, er, odd. It was fine.

I was also the only child from my primary school who went to my high school, which was a bit odd but also fine - everyone else went to the 'other' high school in the town. They adapt very well, I would move them in this situation.

PanicMode · 12/05/2011 08:07

LostinSurburbia - yes probably if the situation had continued. Good luck, I know that it's a hugely angst ridden decision, but at this age, it's not that big a deal.

(In fact, we're considering moving DS1 again as he's just won a top scholarship to a fab prep school - but as he's one of four DCs, there are other issues in play!!)

Original poster

LostinSuburbia · 12/05/2011 08:15

That seems unanimous. Everyone agrees that given the negative social dynamic of DD's class that I should move her to a new school. I just hope that the new school does provide a better social situation as well as decent schooling. Thank you for all your comments

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