I lost it trying to help dd to read - feel awful

[scattercushion]

Feel so bad - dd is in reception, one of the youngest in her class, and is struggling with reading. Thing is, I'm also struggling with helping her! I get so impatient because day after day we are back at square one, she does not seem to recognise letters, let alone words, and every one is sounded out. Turn over the page - the same sentence is repeated and we have to start from scratch. No recognition that we have just read it.

I know that one day it will just click but I can't bear it, it's like pulling teeth. I feel like tearing my hair out and this morning I actually threw the book across the room and stomped upstairs I was so fed up. She started crying. I apologised profusely and she seemed ok but I feel so guilty. I am a monster. I'm scared I'm going to make her phobic or have low self-esteem. Oh I feel awful.

I feel your pain, I have been there, and this too shall pass. In the meantime my top tip for those excruciating reading sessions is to accompany them with a coffee, glass of wine, or gin. It makes it much easier to be patient.

Try this

Got loads of fun ideas to take some of that pain out of the whole process! She'll enjoy it and it's a lot less like pulling teeth than Floppy and co!

I ordered that book jezebel, thanks. Had a really rubbish 'reading' session with dd yesterday. I thought about this thread and it helped me to bite my tongue and put the book away. I could see the stress on her face, wasn't worth it.

I had just said on another thread that
I hate the inconsistencies of English spelling more than I can say because they make life for anyone with less than average learning abilities so much harder than need be. They condemn those who learn a bit more slowly than most to learning much less than they could, than their equals can in other languages.

Another reason for my dislike of Englishs spelling irregularities is that they put both parents and children under so much more stress than ever happens in other languages.

It's not just spelling it's silly pronunciations. Take PUT for example, Why? We say cut, but, gut ,shut etc etc so dd says "put" and I have to say no it's "poot" "Why?" she says. "I've no idea," I reply.
Same with he, she me, we and a whole host of others.

Masha- At least it's British English. American English has even less logical rules so they have to learn a lot of their spellings by rote.

I've stopped orgnaised reading with dd completely. What I have done is gone back to me reading simple repetitive books to her, bear hunt, hungry caterpillar and the like in the hope that she will begin to see patterns as I read.
She did complain theyw ere boring and babyish to start but now that ds3 has deided he wants to listen as well she's suddenly more interested.

OP, I completely share your pain. I hear myself some evenings, desperately trying to urge dd through so we can get the damn thing finished and get to bed. I am constantly battling to stem my frustration, and am sure she must pick it up. I KNOW I should be making it a fun, relaxing time, but I find it infuriating.

I agree with the others that it is really unfair to put this much pressure on summer-born children. My dd is one of the oldest in her Reception class, and I see such a difference between her and the kids that are nearly a year younger, my heart aches for them. We also know a little girl - actually she's one of the babies from my NCT group, just 10 weeks older than my dd, but in Year 1. She is considered a poor reader at school - the teacher keeps raising it as a problem - but she is actually at the same level as my dd, who is considered one of the best readers. All because of that arbitrary cut off date for starting school.

I have a winter-born child and he is just the same, agonising - he just rolls around saying it's too hard (this is when I am suggesting he tries to sound out one word - cat or something - in a sentence of which I've read the rest!) I do find we can't possibly do it in the evenings, morning is better, even with school run pressure. It goes better if I read the book through first too but then he is basically guessing it all, which I don't suppose is the idea - but then school don't send home decodeable books so that doesn't help.

Scatter, I know exactly how you feel and did the same with my DD when she was in reception, also one of the youngest. I went in to see the teacher the next day and she told me just to read to her instead, which I did and then in Year 1, my DD took an interest and now in Year 2 can read pretty much everything. She is still only 6. In some countries they do not start learning to read until 6 which would have suited both my DCs. My DS now 10 reads all the time and I am still reading Roald Dahl books to my DD but she is joining in now. The teacher gave me really good advice. Your teacher should not be fed up though. A bit worried by that as teachers should be used to this.

Scatter, I also played a game with DD, spot the word with the reading book. I read the page first and then I used to say the word and she would point to it. For me that was enough of her reading for about 3 months. I still signed the book to say she had read. It seemed to work as it took the pressure of. I agree with the late readers, harder workers comments. Many of my DD's classmates were early readers and became very lazy in Year 1 allowing her to catch up.

It makes me very sad that millions of parents and children, in all English-speaking countries, endure the same pressures and frustrations year after year - when it would be so easy to reduce them.

There is no real need whatsoever to spell so many English words perversely (said, any, only) rather than regularly (fed, bed...penny, Jenny...bone, stone...). There is even less need to decorate them with totally USELESS letters (frIend, bUild, havE) which make learning to read harder than need be, and learning to write harder still.

But the idea of changing something that has been around for a long time (current English spelling conventions for about 350 years) meets with a lot of opposition. Abolition of the 20 shillings to the pound and 12 pence to the shilling did too. But who would want to go back to that now?

Perhaps some of u will one day join The English Spelling Society - www.spellingsociety.org/- and help me campaign for change?

George Bernard Shaw was a keen enthusiast for this. As somebody who is academically bright but always struggled with spelling myself, this makes perfect sense.