Is 20 minutes each way too far to travel?

[mckenzie]

DD is currently in the local state primary (year 1) which is a 5 minute walk away. DS is at the local prep school (year 5), 5 minutes drive away.

I've been today to look at a new school for DD and it is fabulous. Faultless really except that it will take me 15/20 minutes to get there every morning, slightly longer to get back and then 15/20 minutes again each way in the afternoon.
DH takes DS currently and even if DH was away it should be doable because of the different start times. The different finishing times mean home time is doable too.

But is it madness to spend that much time driving too and from school? Or does the quality of the school justify it?

Your thoughts gratefully received.

TIA

Love being able to walk kids to primary school. Definitely means easier to get involved with school/ play with kids at local playground after school/kids round to play etc.
For us secondary may well have to be a drive/ bus away but too far off to think about yet..

Think Seeker is being slightly over stated although I take on board many of her comments.

As previously mentioned we drive 15 to 20 mins to school yet DD doesn't miss out as much as implied. She has 4/5 school friends in our village - 2 in our street and they all play together on the village green, go to each others houses etc at weekends.

DD also goes to all the girls birthday parties in her year regardless of mileage - as they all do.

By the time she's finished with after school clubs she is only ready for homework, tea, TV and bed usually anyway. At weekends and holidays she has her ponies to ride and a different group of friends who share her interests - rather than just being school mates. I'm sure this would apply to beavers, etc as well if she was interested in that.

For a good school its worth it and its likely that children will live in a wide catchment. The schools also are aware that people do drive in for a long distance so are sympathetic to forgotten pe kits/instruments. Sounds like that you have loads of local support if you are sick etc.. so it should be fine.

15-20 mins drive would be a short commute at my DC's school.

Some families come 40 mins or so, because rural areas don't have a great deal of choice. Yes, that means sucking up the fact that birthday parties etc.. are also further away at weekends.

I've just committed DS1 to a school that although only 5 miles away, has abysmal traffic near it in the mornings and will take 40 mins. Its the right school.

thanks for the extra replies. Yes posadas, the school does attract children from a wide area because it does have such a good reputation.

DD has already made local friends from pre-school, her current school and Beavers (Beavers is over half her current school group!).
DD is spending the day at the school on wednesday - we'll see what she thinks

BTW, if anyone has a crystal ball, please may I borrow it?

So you will spend a minimum of 6hours 40mins of every week driving to and fro school? Add 10 ons a day for parking and turnaround -7 and a half hours every week driving to and from school.

If she is happy and progressing in her current school, I would leave her there.

Mine have always been to a school 45 mins by foot. Although they get the coach. It has never been a problem. We used to drive them and just parked far away from the school to avoid congestion, with a five minute walk. It was fine.

I drive DS and DD to an "outstanding" school. It's about 15-20 mins. I would just say that you should do the journey on a school day at the time that you would have to be at school to check on the traffic etc and check that you would be OK doing it repeatedly. Also, on the occasions where you have to go in for an event/parents eve/pick up sick child/forgotten something...any of these scenerios, you have to be prepared to do quite a lot of driving.

I personally find it no problem but I have a friend who lives a couple of streets away from me with her DCs at the same school and she really wants to move closer to the school. She finds the driving to be a bit of a bind.

Re the costs, I am prepared to suck up the cost of the fuel because I live in an area where housing is cheaper.

I did 220 child related miles last week.

15/20 minutes' drive is not madness for the right school.

The problems mentioned here are non-starters.

Firstly, you connect with other parents and help each other out.

Secondly, you can still have local friends (mine do through church and brownies/guides).

Time spent in the car can be quality time for you and your children, without the distraction of TV, computer etc. You are allowed to talk to your children while driving.

You don't have to take in forgotten kit. Your child will soon learn not to forget it.

As for school friends' parties, I have never seen this as a problem. At my DDs' school, parties always cater for parents who want to stay (wine and adult nibbles).

Private school kids get loads of exercise at school. A lot of their extra-curricular activities can take place at school, such as music, dance and sport, so you spend less time shuttling them around after school.

15/20 minutes' drive is not madness for the right school.

The problems mentioned here are non-starters.

Firstly, you connect with other parents and help each other out.
only if there are any that live near you

Secondly, you can still have local friends (mine do through church and brownies/guides).
Possible - but much harder - and the local children are by definition going to be closer to the freidns they go to school with. Easy to feel an outsider

Time spent in the car can be quality time for you and your children, without the distraction of TV, computer etc. You are allowed to talk to your children while driving.
true. But I would much rather do this while in my own livingroom/garden
You don't have to take in forgotten kit. Your child will soon learn not to forget it.
Yearh, right. And if they forget their lunch they go hungry? Forget their flute they can't do their exam?

As for school friends' parties, I have never seen this as a problem. At my DDs' school, parties always cater for parents who want to stay (wine and adult nibbles).
not my expericence

Private school kids get loads of exercise at school. A lot of their extra-curricular activities can take place at school, such as music, dance and sport, so you spend less time shuttling them around after school.
PH I see! t's because we use the state system that driving 220 miles a week is at all difficult!
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It's not all about you, seeker. This is the OP's dilemma.

If the private school were five minute's walk and the state school 15 minute's drive away, I doubt you would use the same arguments.

I drive 25 minutes to school, then 25 minutes back to drop DD off. Then I do it again at lunchtime to drop DS off (he only does half days). Then I do it a third time to pick them both up. Given that it takes ten minutes to get them strapped in and ready to go that is three hours of my day gone. So no it's not worth it.

And my DS is asthmatic, I feel dreadful about him being stuck in a car and not getting lots of exercise and also breathing in car fumes. Also other people's kids suffering the same. But I live in the sticks. We are trying to move to somewhere which is walkable. I don't think you can put a price on it in time or money actually. I have very fond memories of walking to school with my mum and then later, my siblings, learning about risk taking and also about geography and would wish my children the same experience.

I didn't even realize that the OP was talking about state/private. I don't actually think she is, is she? You were the one that brought that particular dimension to the conversation.

I was sharing my own personal experience of doing what the OP is contemplating. The type of school is irrelevant. After 6 years of doing a similar journey I am in a very good position to talk about what it's like. And my children are old enough to have a view themselves on the experience.

Firstly, you connect with other parents and help each other out.

Certainly in our case. There are some en route but nine very close, but for afte school or holiday help everyone helps each other in DD's class.

Secondly, you can still have local friends (mine do through church and brownies/guides)

Dd is friends with lots of the children on our street. They all play out together, call on one another and the best part of the nice weather is spent on the cul de sac, sharing scooters, gokarts and waterfights. There is a mix of boys and girls, a bulk around the sameg age as DD and some older/younger, and they go to a mix of the local state school or the local independents. But none of that comes into it, they just all go and play.

Time spent in the car can be quality time for you and your children, without the distraction of TV, computer etc. You are allowed to talk to your children while driving.

DH and DD like their journey to school together. They listen to music, chat or - as is the case at the moment - listen to Harry Potter audio books. It's normally only a 15 minute drive and en route. Likewise, me and DD chat all the way home too.

Mind you, it wouldn/t make any differene to us. Even if DD was at the local school - a mile or so away - they'd have to drive in order for me or DH to get to work on time as well.

You don't have to take in forgotten kit. Your child will soon learn not to forget it.

Never been an issue for us. School kit stays at school bar holidays. No packed lunch. But if something was that important I'd return an get them anyway.

As for school friends' parties, I have never seen this as a problem. At my DDs' school, parties always cater for parents who want to stay (wine and adult nibbles).

Was always the case in reception and into Y1. Now they are older people just drop and go. If the party is a distance from home and not really enough time to do a return trip we'll go to loca shops for a wander or to a local pub/cafe and have a drink. Sometimes a few parents go together and have a chat and catch up.

Private school kids get loads of exercise at school. A lot of their extra-curricular activities can take place at school, such as music, dance and sport, so you spend less time shuttling them around after school.

Not sure about this. The state school I work at also has a lot of extra curricular stuff, as does DD's prep school. As it happens DD does no after school activities at school. They are all seperate. Some, like Brownies, are close to home. Others, like climbin and drama, are a drive away.

I used to do a 30 minute drive each way twice a day. School was good but the drive was a pita not to mention petrol costs. I wouldn't do it again.

May i just say thank again for all of these posts - I really do appreciate your opinions and experience to help us to make our minds up.

I think it depends a lot on your attitude to driving. I used to drive to clients every day up to an hour in each direction, my husband does a 3 hr round drive each day. We have both lived in the sticks where longish drives are normal. So to me your journey sounds fine and similar to what I do. But a friend who has moved out of london and really dislikes driving thinks a similar length of drive to school is a real pain in the backside. I don't think it is a problem for the children if the parents don't make a fuss about it. And if you look hard enough there are bound to be other people near you doing similar journey. Before/after school clubs can help you avoid rush hours if that helps.

In my experience it isn't down to just the distance from the school, it is also the fact that you have another child at another school. You say that DH drops off ds, but what about pick-up at the end of the day?

My children are at schools which are 6 miles apart - ds1 is 5.3 miles from home, and on a good clear run I can drive there in 15-20 minutes. Ds2's school is a mile from home, and is usually 5-10 minutes from home. The drive between the schools is 20-30 minutes depending on traffic.

BUT it is never as simple as a 15 minute journey. There is the need to find a parking space or wait to be able to drive into the pick-up area. Then there is the question of whether your child has remembered to bring everything with them, or whether they have to get music instruments/kit from wherever. Most days this week I have had to arrive at school 10 minutes before finish time to get parked, and then wait a further 10-15 minutes for ds1 to appear with everything that he needs before heading back to pick up ds2 (or else I have ds2 with me for this time). And often I have bits of dead time eg I can pick up ds1 at either 3:45 or 4:45, but at no time in between, so I have to time my journeys around the specific schools. So my "15 minute each way" trip to ds1's school often takes an hour.

I also was never conscious of how many roadworks can take place on 6 miles of road!

I guess if ds1 will be in Year 6 next year then you may be able to leave him at home whilst you drive to pick up dd or whatever. In my own case I am trying to find ways that avoid ds2 having to spend lots of additional time in the car, but he is too little to leave by himself for the 45 minutes or so that I must allow to pick up ds1. Given that ds2 has more homework and music practise than ds1 I do feel that having ds1 at a school so far away is detrimental to ds2. However we only have to manage the situation for one more year.

The schools are very different in a number of respects (as are my children), and I do believe that each child is in the school that allows them to thrive, and that for either of them to move to the other school would be the wrong move for them. But you need to enjoy being in your car for this to be a workable experience for you.

I do a 12 mile round trip and agree that it is not ideal. But the issues can be minimised. I am very active in the PTA, meet lots of parents and arrange a lot of playdates. All of this means that I do a lot of driving. That being said however, my oldest is going to a local comp in Sept and has said that he is looking forward to having friends nearby. I guess it is about how much you love the school.