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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Boys and girls at birthday parties?

67 replies

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 14:14

DS1 (age 5, year1) is mostly friends with girls.

I recently heard one of his friends telling him that he isn't invited to her party as her mum said she could only invite girls.

Is this common? I'm a bit shocked (and sad) to be honest.

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Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 17:04

Thanks.

Ds would not feel left out as the only boy. He feels left out at not being invited :(

Play dates are hard too. But that it mainly because I'm at work so don't really know his friends' mums.

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jeee · 04/04/2011 17:08

Sarky - recently a mother spoke to me, explaining that her DS wanted my DD to come to his party. She said that my DD would be the only girl - and was obviously worried that my daughter would find this a bit difficult. DD was completely happy to go.

Parents do consider gender - and it is easier to limit numbers on gender lines, honestly. But when a child tends to play with the opposite gender, it can make things a little more difficult.

Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 17:08

And just to reiterate... I'm fully aware that it is possible (likely?) that his friend just didn't really want him there. It us just the pattern of this happening that is worrying me.

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Tisallafaff · 04/04/2011 17:09

My dd (5) is good friends with boys too. They were invited to her party and come to play. Her 'best' friend is a boy. I'd be upset if this changed. Luckily, I haven't noticed any gender splits with regards to parties. Not yet...

Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 17:16

I'm starting to feel like a fecking idiot for not realising that parents did this.

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BetsyBoop · 04/04/2011 17:32

Well I have the opposite problem as most of DD's friends are boys, infact I had to encourage her to invite a couple more girls to her party, as she only had one on her original list & I thought that this girl might find it odd being the only girl invited

DD has been invited to some of the boys parties, but not others, but she is still friends with them all.

I think it's true that some parents don't like their DDs being friends with boys, but it's equally true that some parents don't like their DSs being friends with girls either

I just wonder if it's genetic, as I mostly played with boys at primary school & my best friend from reception to 6th form was a boy .

DrNortherner · 04/04/2011 17:36

How odd. My ds had his 9th birthday party yesterday and invited more girls than boys. I think he is one for the ladies

Pancakeflipper · 04/04/2011 17:41

It's very probably nothing to do with your son but about numbers/ cost and perhaps the activity is very 'girly'. Princess type parties and Building Bloody Bears are very popular with the girls at our school.

I have noticed in reception it's very mixed. In Year 1 the parties are becoming smaller in number of guests and more gender defined.

My son had a party recently and really wanted 2 of the girls to attend. I invited another 1 who we know well out of school circles. They coped well these girls with 19 boys targeting them as pirate fodder. But I had told the parents of the girls they would be in the minority so I'd not be offended if they didn't wish to come.

ragged · 04/04/2011 17:42

I agree it's more likely that the parents are assuming he wouldn't want to be the only boy, rather than them not wanting any boys at all. Eg., I have heard that a lot of girls like Princess theme parties at this age, and I know my 5yo son would have shrieked in horror if he arrived at a party like that.

For his 6th birthday party DS invited about 15 boys and ONE girl; she was quite a tomboy and fine about being the only lass there, but maybe some girls wouldn't be so confident.

tbh, I think you're making too much of a meal out if it. 2 parties this year already is a lot more than some Y1 children will get invited to.

Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 17:45

Thanks ragged.
You're prob right :)

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BetsyBoop · 04/04/2011 17:49

well my DD has a dinosaur party for her 5th birthday, so it's not all pink princesses for girls

Runoutofideas · 04/04/2011 18:36

My dd (yr 1) wanted a mermaid party for her birthday. Maximum number allowed was 15. I asked her to make up a list. She had 14 girls and 1 boy. (14 girls was all the girls in her class). I said if she wanted to invite the boy she should invite a couple more boys so he didn't feel left out, and take off a couple of girls. She didn't want to do that, so ended up taking the boy off her list. Not ideal looking back at it, but at the time I didn't give it much thought....

Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 19:00

Thanks for posting.

Thus has been a real eye opener. I had no idea that parents would feel this way. Makes no sense to me.

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bluerodeo · 04/04/2011 19:25

we've had a few girls only parties lately - not because my girls don't like boys, our parties have gotten smaller and it's a matter of numbers (usually the 4 or 5 classmates they play with the most who HAPPEN to be girls)

I wouldn't read too much into it either, it's not a conspiracy or done to hurt feelings

thinkingkindly · 04/04/2011 19:29

My DD had five girls last year. She did suddenly want to invite one boy, and I wished we had as I realised later that they are very close. I think we will invite him and about five girls this year as we will be going to a farm, which I think he will like.

The previous year, we had about 20 girls to a party in my home. I deliberately didn't include the two boys we have known from birth because I felt they would be left out and neither of them are good socially; I ended up having a second friends-and-family party that they came to - it was an outdoor b-b-q, and it felt easier to cater to different kids there. Before you get annoyed, sarky, my dd was really really into pink/girl-stuff/dressing-up and that was the main focus of her friends party.

DD just got invited to a football party, and didn't want to go. Nor did any of the other girls who were invited. So that ended up as an all-boy party despite the mum's good intentions.

Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 19:34

Why the assumption that my Ds would not enjoy a girly party?

If your dd can decide she doesn't want to go to a football party why not assume that a boy can decide if they want to go to a girly party?

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Pancakeflipper · 04/04/2011 19:40

Perhaps the daughter said to her mother I want to ask "x,y,z" and your son was not one of those names?

The daughter might say to your son she wanted him but didn't to her mother?

Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 19:44

I've said (several times) that I know there are many reasons for not inviting my son and this is really no big deal . It just raised an interesting (to me) issue and so I asked whether others gave experience of this.

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Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 19:45

And the daughter didn't say that she wanted him. Just that he wasn't allowed to come.

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MrsWitcher · 04/04/2011 19:46

I understand your concerns, Sarky. When mine got past Reception, I just said, you can have 15, who are they? Surely, that's the way to limit numbers by, em, limiting numbers?

I wouldn't allow them to leave out just one boy or just one girl but leaving out two or three is fine IMO. TBH, I don't see how leaving out two girls is any worse than leaving out the OP's DS who is clearly a good friend.

I have a DS and 2 DDs is that makes any difference and all their parties so far have been mixed though we have done whole class parties in Reception.

Pancakeflipper · 04/04/2011 19:48

Oh for goodness sake. It was just a suggestion. Only trying throw ideas in.

I think you do think this is a biggie cos you refer earlier to how many invites he's had.

Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 19:51

No. It really is no biggie :)

I do find it interesting though. I wonder if there is a more general thing where parents are more encouraging of same-gender friendships? Perhaps because they are more likely to last?

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Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 19:55

Maybe I should be clearer...

The fact that Ds was not invited to this particular party is definitely not a big deal. This was not a very close friend.

The wider issue that Ds might be being routinely excluded from events including most if his friends is a big issue. Because if so I need to help him deal with this. Hopefully this is not the case :)

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MrsWitcher · 04/04/2011 20:01

If I'm really honest, I know quite a few parents of just girls who couldn't wait for the Y1 parties to limit them just to girls and jump head first into the world of all that glitters. So, they may have kept numbers to 15 or so but actually it was a girls only invite. In some cases, the girly party idea was very much coming from the mum.

We did mini go-kart racing for DS last year and all the girls invited seemed to love it just as much as the boys. The year before that we went bowling. This year, he wants to do it at his climbing wall club and DD1 loved the go-karts so much as DS's party last year that that is what she wants for hers this year.

So, I guess knowing some of the mums I was referring to above plus knowing my kids' choices, I find it hard to believe that thousands of little girls want princess parties as much as their mummies!

Original poster

SarkyLady · 04/04/2011 20:05

MrsW ... I think you are very wise :)

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