Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Helper mums discussing my child's reading:

34 replies

Onky · 01/04/2011 20:57

Some parents of children in my DD's class help out at the school with reading. That's great. I've done it myself in the past. But one or two of the mothers have taken it upon themselves to discuss my DD's reading:

in the playground with me
on a mums' night out with me with others present
with other mums with me not present

Today I wrote in my DD's reading record that I thought the level of books were a bit difficult for her and she was losing confidence. One of the reading mums caught me in the playground to discuss this and told me my DD was very much in the top half of the class as though I was fussing (which I absolutely was not) and sthat she'd managed the set book really well.

I don't think the class teacher has read with her for weeks. I am not worried AT ALL about her reading. But I'm really very uncomfortable about this pseudo teacher line that the parent helpers seem to be taking.

Help.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Goblinchild · 01/04/2011 21:07

Talk to the teacher. We have strict guidelines in school about confidentiality with helpers in class, and occasionally the head needs to have a quiet word to remind people where the boundaries are.
If they are doing this about your child who has no problems, I would be concerned about the SEN and low achievers having their weaknesses discussed in the same way.

weblette · 01/04/2011 21:12

As Goblin said, schools usually have an agreement in place which parents are required to sign concerning confidentiality. Talk to the school.

cornsilkily · 01/04/2011 21:14

sounds like the parent hasn't had their role clearly explained to them by the school. Let the teachable know but try not to be too cross with the parent

Original poster

Onky · 01/04/2011 21:40

I'm more exasperated than cross. Thanks for opinions so far.

Goblinchild, yes quite re those with weaknesses. It has made me feel very uncomfortable.

OP posts:

ragged · 01/04/2011 21:41

Egads, I have been a parent listener. We didn't even sign a confidentiality agreement. But a note like yours would make me leave a note for the teacher "There's something in here you need to read & respond to". Maybe if the note sounded pretty hysterical -- are they quite close friends of yours?

tropicalfish · 01/04/2011 22:12

however she spoke to you with the nicest of intentions

HouseTooSmall · 02/04/2011 08:05

I always feel that parent helpers shouldn't help in the class their child is in. I think if they have to help in a different year group it makes it a truly helpful gesture rather than a possibly nosey one! However this mum was trying to be reassuring even if a bit inappropriate.

cupofteaplease · 02/04/2011 08:09

Parent helpers in my school have to sign a confidentiality agreement. If a paretn was found to be in breach of this, they wouldn't be welcome to work in the classroom. You MUST speak to the class teacher about this.

RoadArt · 02/04/2011 08:14

I would speak to your teacher. I used to have a friend that always asked me how her DD was doing because she knew I listened to her. I told the teacher that this parent was a friend and we agreed what I could and couldnt say to her before I said anything

Whilst this parent might feel she is doing you a favour and assume you want to know, it is not her place to discuss it, unless she has the authority of the school

HouseTooSmall · 02/04/2011 08:19

Does anyone agree with me that parents should only help in classes their child is not in? Do you think that would make the help more altruistic?

changeforthebetter · 02/04/2011 08:19

Talk to the teacher. I have just done the reading helper training (half an hour with choccie bix ) but they did impress on us that we do not talk to parents/write in reading books/gossip about kids' abilities. We are not trained teachers and any feedback goes to the teacher never to the parents. Struck me as eminently sensible but then folk aren't always that sensible are they?

Runoutofideas · 02/04/2011 08:58

I help out in dd1's class every week. Before starting I had to have a chat with the head regarding confidentiality and safeguarding. She specifically said not to discuss childrens' progress with parents and to simply refer them to the teacher. Seems like your parent helpers need a bit of a reminder this.

For some reason our school has a policy of parents only helping in their own child's class - not sure of the reasoning behind this, as I was happy to help wherever they wanted to put me.

coccyx · 02/04/2011 09:44

the teacher needs to have a word with the parent helpers

MrsStudMuffin · 02/04/2011 09:47

You need to tell the teacher. I help out in school and we are not allowed to discuss anything at all that happens in the classroom.

ragged · 02/04/2011 10:39

I would absolutely hate it if I couldn't help out in my child's class; sorry, but half the reason I'm there is to see what my child's individual experience is like. They would be put out, too, if I came in but not to help them.

Goblinchild · 02/04/2011 10:41

We have a rule that parents can't help in their own child's class, it may put some off, but we have no shortage of volunteers for all sorts of activities and no real issues with breaches of confidentiality.
Works for us.

Clary · 02/04/2011 11:30

At my DCs' schools you help out in any class but your own child's too.

Makes sense to me - after all if I was in DS2's class, for example, I would get nothing done as he'd be all over me.

Cannot believe people help out to find out what their child is doing! I always did it to help others, on the basis that someone was helping my child.

Anyway; we were always told not to chat indiscreetly, which this sounds like.

DilysPrice · 02/04/2011 11:36

My DC's school has introduced a "not in your child's class" rule. I'm a bit disappointed because it is great to see the workings of your child's classroom and get to know the children they're always talking about, but I absolutely understand their reasoning.

everlong · 02/04/2011 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 02/04/2011 12:58

I must know at least one child in every primary school class in a 5 mile radius (I go to a lot of activities & toddler groups ). People like me would be impossible to place if I were minded to gossip. May as well let me help out in my own DC class.

mamadou · 02/04/2011 15:28

Onky, I could have written almost the same post! I'm glad to see that everyone's advice is to speak to the teacher. I think I will have to do the same.

Last Thursday a mum from another school congratulated me on my DS's reading, while I was walking on our high street - It was very strange and I find it frustrating too. The mum 'helper' (but not with reading) is this woman's neighbour. She's obviously been gassing away!

I find it exasperating too because I value my child's privacy and really think 'child stalking' in the class is offensive. This hasn't been the first time she's over stepped the mark, but like an idiot, I've been letting it slide. I don't find her interest in my DS well intentioned at all she's pushy and competitive.

changeforthebetter · 02/04/2011 16:15

Our school has a "not in your child's class policy" for all helpers, school trips etc which causes a lot schoolyard chuntering. I have no problem with it. I am going in to butter up the teachers help the school, not to spend an hour with my child. She would not leave me alone if I went into her class.

It sounds like a lot of boundary-setting needs to go on. If you are being approached by helpers then please tell the teaching staff. I work in my local area in a fairly sensitive area and I always make a point of telling clients that I will never approach them in the street other than a smiley 'hello' and give them complete assurances over confidentiality. Sounds like a few schools need to buck up their ideas over helpers.

goodbyemrschips · 02/04/2011 17:18

I had this once and the 'helper' actually wrote in the school book '' he was struggling''

I was mad i don't mind that he was struggling [well i did but thats another story] what i minded was a helper telling me without disscussing it with the teacher who then assured me he was NOT struggling...............i wrote a letter to the head and was assured it wouldnt happen again.

It did'nt.

JoBettany · 02/04/2011 18:10

I don't agree with parent helpers hearing reading. I posted this on a thread a while back and lots of people disagreed.

This thread encapsulates exactly why. OP, she was wrong to do this and you should speak to the HT about it. It is wrong and not part of her role.

princessparty · 02/04/2011 18:40

'Last Thursday a mum from another school congratulated me on my DS's reading, while I was walking on our high street - It was very strange and I find it frustrating too. The mum 'helper' (but not with reading) is this woman's neighbour. She's obviously been gassing away'

i think that is a massive leap to say that she has been gossiping.Itcould have nbeen one of her kids-they all know which reading book each other is on.

Flip

1 2