Helper mums discussing my child's reading:

[Onky]

Some parents of children in my DD's class help out at the school with reading. That's great. I've done it myself in the past. But one or two of the mothers have taken it upon themselves to discuss my DD's reading:

1. in the playground with me
2. on a mums' night out with me with others present
3. with other mums with me not present

Today I wrote in my DD's reading record that I thought the level of books were a bit difficult for her and she was losing confidence. One of the reading mums caught me in the playground to discuss this and told me my DD was very much in the top half of the class as though I was fussing (which I absolutely was not) and sthat she'd managed the set book really well.

I don't think the class teacher has read with her for weeks. I am not worried AT ALL about her reading. But I'm really very uncomfortable about this pseudo teacher line that the parent helpers seem to be taking.

Help.

I feel very unhappy at the idea that a parent helpers & staff must never say anything unauthorised about the children they're working with. I impulsively gushed to a friend that I thought her son was gifted because of how impressed I was by his lateral thinking in class (which I got to see as a Parent Helper). She didn't mind, (she didn't believe it either, though!) it probably cheered up her day nonetheless.

But I know some of you will argue that was an OUTRAGEOUS brief of confidentiality on my part to say that (keeping in mind the school didn't have any confidentiality agreements). Makes me very uncomfortable that every remark and action has to be subject to some Godforsaken Policy nowadays.

That's how Carol Hill got suspended from her job, wasn't it? By making the most human remark without her employer's permission.

I think if you want to know about any child's academic prrogress you just ask your child - it's not that private all the children know. As for your child's progress - I think the Mum was trying to help - she wasn't gossiping around the playground she was talking to you about your child - trying to make you feel better.

I help out in school - a lot and I really resent parents who get all fussy over parent helpers - they are usually the ones who are too bloody lazy or busy to help out themselves.

Without us school trips could not happen as frequently, swimming wouldn't happen at all, art projects would be a total stress for the teacher, as would theme days and do you fussy parents ever say thank you for us giving up your time? Never, ever in my experience, you'd rather winge and critisize at the first opportunity - try giving a bit of you free time first and then see how much complaining you want to do about parent volunteers!

For the record any child's academic reputation means absolutely bugger all to me but I have approached parents and told them how much I enjoyed listening to them read because of some funny absolutely delightful comment they had made, that I knew would make the parent proud - I'd do the same if the child had been around for a playdate and did something amusing.

ragged, if a friend, (without any agenda) made a comment, that wouldn't really be an issue. My DS's school has got confidentiality restrictions in place, but still this 'helper' has been breaking them. As I said this is not the only occasion that has been awkward. She is supposed to be helping with cooking, so why she is listening to my DS reading?!!

princessparty, I appreciate what you are saying - that it could all be innocent, but there are two forms and our DC's are in different classes, so they don't know each others bands. Also the reading is very varied, lots of schemes are uses and regular books too, so I don't think the kids have much of an idea.

Personally I think it's not on for parent helpers to be discussing your DD's reading on a mums night out in front of other parents and certainly not with other parents with you not present.

Teachers only dicuss(or certainly should only discuss) pupils abilities, what they have been up to in the classroom etc... with the parents of that child. There would be uproar if teachers all went around discussing pupils willy nilly with any parent so why should it be any different for parent helpers.

Ragged - I understand what you are saying about Carol Hill but from what I understand that was a very serious incident which involved physical abuse.

Ahhh. Thank you all for your very lovely, helpful and supportive messages. I feel better knowing that I'm not over-reacting or some sort of freak.

I feel unable to talk to the teacher (it isn't really her fault is it?) ... but the experience has put me off writing anything intended for the class teacher in the reading record.

I might take it up with a parent governor... but they are pretty scary too.

It is not the teacher's fault, but she could arrange for the parent helpers to be reminded about confidentiality. She can't do anything about it if she doesn't know.

Why do you feel unable to talk to the teacher about it?
She needs to know so that she can work out what to do next.
What about all the children who are achieving less well than your DD that this woman might be breaching confidentiality over? Don't they deserve some sort of consideration and protection? How would you feel if she's been discussing your DD's weaknesses and struggles instead?

Parents are not allowed to listen to reading at my ds's school as confidentiality has been a problem in the past but they can do other things, ie: art, baking, music etc. I would be unhappy if I could not help with my own child's class. I work full time but sometimes take an annual leave day to help out with a trip or something special that is happening but I wouldn't do this to help with another class as I look on it as a precious time shared with him and his class.

I think we'd have very few parent helpers at dds' school if they weren't allowed to help in their child's class. I've been helping for three years now, and there are very few of us who can/do (most have younger children and/or work) - so far, confidentiality has never been an issue. We know not to discuss reading with parents - although twice I've had parents come and ask me for advice, at which point I've involved the class teacher.
Onky, I think it would be fine for you to talk to the teacher - simply to express concern at helpers talking to other parents about your child's reading, and to ask them to please remind helpers to respect confidentiality. You don't even need to mention names, or specifics....just a 'heads up' really....most teachers would be happy to help maintain healthy boundaries, and appreciate the tip-off!