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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Play dates

32 replies

ChocolateMama · 29/03/2011 08:51

Hi, just wanted to pick Mumsnet users brains about play dates and what is normal. My ds started reception in September and has had a few play dates, but is constantly asking me to arrange more. They seem to be a very big thing in his school - I know some of his friends do 3 or 4 play dates a week. Not sure if this is normal at age 4/5 after school??? I think one play date a week at this age is enough. Am I being mean? What is normal at your school? Thanks.

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Broadwalkempire · 29/03/2011 09:01

I work part time and only have a couple of days off a week so only a couple of days when that is possible. I've noticed a lot of people in reception almost working their way round the class inviting most of the other children over. DS is really really tired after school and the playdates either go disastrously wrong or are fine as long as they don't stay too late.

We certainly don't have 3 - 4 playdates a week - do you really want a knackered child - I know I don't - I also don't particularly want someone elses child in my house after school potentially 2 times a week. When do they ever get any down time - they do a lot of playing as it is in reception.

Don't get me wrong - we're pretty sociable and I am friendly with the other mums going out on socials with them and taking DD (younger) to things during the day with younger siblings of DS's friends at school, but DS seems happy at school, seems to have plenty of friends, isn't asking for any one to come round other than the friends he often plays with (who I sometimes arrange play dates with) so I'm leaving it at that.

I don't think DS will miss out - they know what they want and who they like to play with at this stage and I suspect it's really only a handful of people - DS already recounts who is friendly with who - they know. I have one mum who keeps asking if we want to go round as she's adamant her Dc and DS play at school - having asked DS the same he replied "no way Mummy, I don't ever play with her"....so that's that really !!...I'll leave him to it !!

MrsBrollyhook · 29/03/2011 09:42

3 or 4 a week sounds over the top. The def need some down time.

In reception we prob did a playdate once a fortnight. With parties all the time in reception, think that was fine.

I now (yr1) try to make it once a week. With working part time, swimming, rainbows etc. that's plenty I think.

crazygracieuk · 29/03/2011 09:49

My Reception child usually has 1 a week and that includes being invited back to someone's house.

3 or 4 a week sounds OTT.

edam · 29/03/2011 09:52

In reception I think ds probably averaged two a week but that's partly because he's an only child so I'm keen for him to have someone to play with. Now he's in Year 3 it's about one a week, which seems fine. We are lucky to live in a cul de sac where kids can play out so he's not short of company, when he wants it. Three or four a week seems like far too much! When do they get time to relax, or do other things?

GooseyLoosey · 29/03/2011 09:56

Agree with everyone else - that sounds like a huge amount. I bet it will tail off next year as the children start to do more after school activities. One or other of my dcs (6 and 7) has something on every night of the week except Friday. Friday is "friends day" in our house and the only day available for play dates.

squidgy12 · 29/03/2011 09:58

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crw1234 · 29/03/2011 10:18

hi DS1 in reception - we havn't done loads -only about 3 or 4 in total! Its increasing a bit now -
he was shattered for the first few weeks - and then go to childminder 2-3 times a week - and I won't have play dates on a friday at the moment as I think everyone is too tired -what has worked well is friends over at the weekend - or him going to them
he is very sociable, gets invited to parties and seems to have loads of friends

redskyatnight · 29/03/2011 10:21

DD is in Reception. She already does 3 after school activities, plus we go and visit grandparents after school once a fortnight. So play dates are probably once a fortnight (either she goes to someone else's house or they come to us). Occasionally we might stop off in the park on the way home or ask a friend to pop in "for a bit" on the way back.

If she didn't do all the after school activities we might well consider one or 2 a week but I think more is way OTT!

2pinkmonkeys · 29/03/2011 10:54

my dd y1 only does them with friends from school about once a month. although i am good friends with one of her friends mums so we all go round their or they co,e round ours a couple of times a week. she also goes out play with another friend from her class that lives just round the corner.

so any way i think that 3 or 4 times a week is a bit excessive!

DeWe · 29/03/2011 11:01

If a child is childminded with a friend's mum, or a childminder has more than one child from the same form it can look like they're doing a lot of play dates. Or sometimes parents have an arrangement to pick both children up if they do an activity after school together, or live near etc. I pick up another child much more often than I have them back to the house.
I've learnt that a lot of "playdates" are not quite as "play" as they might see when they're being picked up.

Original poster

ChocolateMama · 29/03/2011 13:27

Thanks for your responses so far. It is helpful to know that it is not just me who things too many play dates are too much for young children - not to mention exhausting for parents! My son has a younger brother who often feels excluded when children come to our house - which makes play dates a bit of a minefield...Anyone else any thoughts on this??

OP posts:

MammyT · 29/03/2011 13:49

We do very few playdates, averaging about one a fortnight if that. There is a rule that the younger sibling has to be included, though often gets bored and leaves them alone, settling for 1:1 time with mum instead.

Broadwalkempire · 30/03/2011 08:12

I started off inviting the mum and any sibling(s) too....I don't mind that, as parents of very young children are probably nervous about packing their 4/5 year old off to a "strange" house and want to suss out the situation so that they feel they can leave their child in a safe environment. My DS wouldn't go anywhere on his own (he's not quite 5 yet but is a clinger) until recently even if I'd have thought it a good idea which was a pain as I'd have to lug DD off with me too but at least then the little siblings might play with each other. DS has now decided that he can go to playdates on his own (hallelujah !!...no school pick up) and that also means that I just have one child to entertain when the favour is returned, and not half their family !

I think, though, as they get a little bit older the "playdaters" are probably more likely to want to play in their bedroom, so the sibling thing becomes less of an issue ?. Stick something on the telly that the sibling without the playdate wants to watch - DD never gets to watch what she wants - In the Night Garden is a distant memory now substituted by Scooby Doo and she'd be downstairs with me. I suppose it depends on the sex of the kids too - One of DS's friends has a little brother and they always seem to want him to play with them too.

Skinit · 30/03/2011 08:16

Gosh....at my DDs school which is very small, weall try to keep them to a minimum! About 2 or 3 a term is plenty imo. They are so small...they onl need them for a bit of socialisation..when they are teens is plenty of time for them to e spending all their down-tim with their friends!

I think at this age family should be your main focus...and friends are an added bonus.

Skinit · 30/03/2011 08:18

Interesting to hear about the younger sibling being icuded...I have always felt that my older DD should be able to have her friends over and play alone if they choose....there's a 3 year gap though so maybe that's why.

compo · 30/03/2011 08:54

We're in year 2 now and only ever have done one every half term and then once in the holidays
think it's a combination of working part time, aftersch activities and organising it with other parents that makes it tricky
and sometimes after the School run I want to slob about in my pjs
but younger sibling starts in reception so that's another load of having friends round

coccyx · 30/03/2011 08:57

Try to avoid them if possible! a tired 4 year old is bad enough never mind 2! and as for siblings........Noooooo

MillsAndDoom · 30/03/2011 10:05

We did one a week in reception to help the DCs get to know other children - thankfully this has now died out and the DCs will each have a friend probably once a month

ImeldaM · 30/03/2011 10:44

I'm same as edam, DS is 6, only child, never tired, so we do a couple a week. Normally his 'best' friends so we don't work through the whole class or anything, if he doesn't have a friend after school then he is out playing with neighbours children.

He doesn't have many formal 'activities' though

Chaotica · 30/03/2011 13:25

Wish I hadn't clicked on this thread: should I be worried that DD has had none at all in term time all year (and one or two (with the same person) in the holidays)?

She doesn't do formal activities either.

carolb54 · 30/03/2011 14:27

I am definitely not into having friends over for my DS. In my opinion they see a lot of eachother at school anyway. Normally these sometimes do go wrong as well. You will find that some parents start gossiping about other parents in the class which I find very distasteful. Also they the children sometimes end up arguing with each other.

TaffetaCat · 30/03/2011 14:37

Mine ( DS in Y2, DD in Reception ) have one every couple of weeks. Its all I can bear! They are probably invited back somewhere the other week, but now they are both at school I try to do theirs on the same day, so they both have someone to play with. It works well, they either play totally separately or occasionally a little together.

I did very few before DD started school. We do more playdates in the holidays as they aren't as tired then.

Lonnie · 30/03/2011 14:38

Mine are lucky with one a month..

gramercy · 30/03/2011 14:45

About one a month here.

Playdates can be hell, anyway. I had a child over the other week who was going round chanting "I'm dying of boringness! I'm dying of boringness!" Poor dd was mortified as she could see I was grinning through gritted teeth while suggesting activities. All dd's toys and stuff were deemed "sooooo boring". In the end appropriately stimulating entertainment was found... in the form of my make-up

TaffetaCat · 30/03/2011 14:48

Oh Jeez gramercy. Shouldn't think that one will be coming back.

My DD has a similar friend who found my nail varnish.

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