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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Can't go to Mother's Day tea with any younger siblings - is this normal?

56 replies

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 28/03/2011 21:16

My dd's are in Foundation and year 2 and have both brought me home an invitation asking me to come to school for a short bit on Friday afternoon - about 45 mins with each child in their classroom. They are doing a little presentation and making food etc 'as a thank you to all of our lovely mums'.

Sadly I won't be able to go as 'due to health and safety regulations.. we will not be able to accomodate younger siblings in the classroom'. I have 18 month old dd3 and no-one to look after her that afternoon. My two older dd's were in tears this afternoon as they really want me to be there and I feel pretty upset about it all as well. As it happens there are not many of us with younger siblings to bring and of those I've spoken to most seem to have someone else around to look after the little ones.

It just makes me sad that I am being excluding from this 'celebration for mums' precisely because I am a mum

OP posts:

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pooka · 28/03/2011 21:21

I'm afraid it is normal. Certainly the case at our school - can't take younger siblings when there's a parents' lunch for example.

I can see where the school is coming from with regards to capacity in classrooms. When they run parents' maths/literacy courses they do operate a free creche, but obviously funds don't run to this most of the time, and they come from a different pot of cash because there is a scheme to improve adult literacy/numeracy in our area.

GypsyMoth · 28/03/2011 21:23

yes,happens here also. sadly.

PoppetUK · 28/03/2011 21:26

Things like this drive me mad. I do find H&S in the UK bloody bonkers. My baby came into the classroom with me to do parent help whilst we were in Australia (teacher had 25 students and no assistant so all help appreciated). Obviously it restricted what I was doing but it didn't stop me helping with class displays, changing of reading books. For Kindy, the teachers didn't mind either (even an adhoc, he seems quiet for the moment can I do anything was welcomed). Learning journeys were held and there were loads of parents, pushchairs and kids all in the room at the same time. There was a lot more of an inclusive feeling there than here for families.

Original poster

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 28/03/2011 21:34

Poppetuk I have always wanted to help out in the classroom and help with reading but have not been able to as can you imagine the horror if one turned up with a baby in tow! I think the UK is just miserable and don't actually like children.

OP posts:

muffinflop · 28/03/2011 21:41

Our classrooms are quite small. Twenty eight 5, 6 and 7 year olds, 1 teacher, 2 TA's, the possibility of twenty eight parents.....I can see their point really!

Yes it's frustrating but not really their problem. Sorry your children were upset though

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 28/03/2011 21:47

I think it's ridiculous actually, if you can't accommodate younger siblings, don't hold a Mother's Day tea.
inevitably there will be some events that people with younger children can't come to but for it to be a Mother's Day celebration is just rather missing the point of Mother's Day.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 28/03/2011 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

screamingskull · 28/03/2011 21:52

what about using a sitter club or suchlike that may be available in your area?

hmc · 28/03/2011 21:53

Agree with seth - don't bloody hold an event like this if it is going to rule quite a few mums out! Or perhaps a change of venue if space is the issue, like the school hall? What a crock of old shit! Rather cross on behalf of OP and Op's older children

Brownies are holding a mums celebration tomorrow evening - fortunately Brown Owl doesn't mind younger siblings coming along, however 6 year old ds is none too thrilled about having to go

blackeyedsusan · 28/03/2011 22:38

wow, our school lets you bring siblings to the coffee mornings everyhalf term, in a small classroom, with lots of parents and grandparents.

not fair in my opinion.

goingmadinthecountry · 28/03/2011 22:40

Your school is mad. As a parent of 4 children and a teacher of some 27 years I feel entitled to say so.

OK, say please control your little kids while on site, but dont't be so miserable and anti family. Nowhere I've worked or been with my kids has ever been so arsey.

Original poster

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 28/03/2011 23:32

thanks for the support. I have written a letter to the teacher explaining calmy how upsetting I think it is. I'm not going to send dd3 to a creche or have her with someone she doesn't know just because the school are being daft.

There's been a few things lately that have really made me think twice about this school and up until now I have been really happy but they seem to have become rather miserable of late!

OP posts:

blackeyedsusan · 29/03/2011 07:29

ah.. sounds like someone has been on a course

crazygracieuk · 29/03/2011 09:47

Our school allows younger siblings to events like this so I suspect that that H&S is a bullshit excuse not the real reason.

HappyMummyOfOne · 29/03/2011 19:36

Mothers day, assemblies etc are standard in our school for excluding other children - there is little enough room without extra children. Plus it can ruin the enjoyment of it for others to have toddlers there.

They are not excluding you for "being a mum", simply advising that younger children cannot attend. Lots of working mums may not be able to make it as its held in the day etc so you are not being singled out.

You could ask your DP to take the afternoon off so that you can attend.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 29/03/2011 19:59

Siblings are welcome for in school events, but recently i offered to help on a walk in the woods with yr 1 dd, (was planning to have dd3 on my back in a carrier) but due to number ratio's parents with younger siblings can not be helpers (despite the fact we did exactly the same last year!)

MmeLindt · 29/03/2011 20:05

Threads like this make me grateful that I don't live in UK anymore.

Yes, speak to the teacher. It is madness.

[resists 'elf and safety gone made quip]

I find it so sad that toddlers are seen as a problem, as disturbing rather than part of the community.

Gorionine
Did you see my blog about the Fête de Bonhomme de Neige? (apologies for hijack, OP)

MmeLindt · 29/03/2011 20:06

Oh, just read back. I was sure I saw a post from Gorionine there. Sorry. Ignore me.

Jezabelle · 29/03/2011 20:32

Makes me cross too! Maybe say "please make every effort to leave siblings at home" but don't point blank refuse them. Happymummyofone, parents who work have usually got the option to take time off. My DH does so for class assemblies and parent consultations, dispite loosing pay as a result. However, if you have a LO and genuinely have no child care, it is more problematic.

Elibean · 29/03/2011 22:26

That sounds very OP, I agree.

Babies and younger ones always allowed in at dds' school, especially to things like Mother's Day celebrations. Nativities they are encouraged to come to the Dress Rehearsal rather than the main performance, but no one will say anything if they do come - people are always responsible and stand at the back in case they need to leave with a crying baby, anyway.

Then again, at dds' school most of the parents do not have anyone else to look after younger sibs - and its got a strong family ethos, and is known for it. So the school community would be if small ones were excluded.

Original poster

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 29/03/2011 23:00

thanks Happymummyofone - really made me feel better. But I guess if you are 'mummy of one' you wouldn't encounter these problems would you? It is not possible for my DH to take the afternoon off, I don't need to explain why.

dd1 has told me today that as well as the Mother's day tea they are preparing a little folder of all the work they've done over the last term to show their mums. I don't give a fig about my cup of tea but surely it is wrong that dd won't have a chance to show me her work? And dd2 is sat at the dinner table singing special songs about mums that she's learning for the afternoon tea and it is breaking my heart.

OP posts:

IngridFletcher · 29/03/2011 23:05

Our school discourage siblings but don't ban them outright! I would be assertive and tell the teacher or Head that you understand the problem but DD's will be broken hearted if you don't come at all so you will keep your 18 month old in the buggy (to restrict the H&S probs) and not stay long.

I have the same problem as I have 2 at school and a pre-schooler and these things are always in the afternoon and never when he is at nursery.

hmc · 29/03/2011 23:05

Hey - I too want to give happymumofone a metaphorical slap around the chops (you silly mare!) - but then my tongue has been loosened by several vodkas

LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 29/03/2011 23:10

Is there one or two other mums affected by this? Could you swap childcare for a few minutes?

nailak · 29/03/2011 23:15

its out of order, i would complain to overnors,

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