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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

School uniform dilemma

39 replies

fivegomadinthelambingshed · 24/03/2011 15:36

DD is 5, she hasn't worn a dress or a skirt since she was 2, I can still see her stood by our back door, screaming and pulling the skirt that she had on.Since then she has refused to weat girls clothes at all, and until recently refused to acknowledge she was a girl. She started reception in one village in Spetember, they were happy for her to wear shorts, since then she has moved schools to another village school, they are not. We have talked and talked to her about it, why she has to wear dresses, how much cooler she will feel but she is adamant that she will not wear a dress and gets very worked up and stressed when the subject is brought up, and school are pretty much adamant that they won't let her wear shorts and a polo shirt.

Any advice? she is going to fry in the summer in her winter uniform.

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PrettyCandles · 24/03/2011 15:38

I don't think they can do that. If the boys are allowed to wear shorts in summer, then so are the girls.

TheDogsBollocks · 24/03/2011 15:38

Do they allow long trousers?

TheDogsBollocks · 24/03/2011 15:39

oh just saw your last sentence. Some of the summer school trousers are loose and thin, wonder if you could look into those.

Original poster

fivegomadinthelambingshed · 24/03/2011 15:39

She wears long trousers but has to wear shirt and tie with the trousers not allowed to wear a polo shirt with them, I don't think. I could ask about that.

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 24/03/2011 15:40

I think that the school are being difficult and awkward about this tbh. There is no reason that I can see that trousers or shorts would be inappropriate for her to wear. In this day and age many women and girls prefer to wear trousers or shorts. Trousers are not (imo) boys' clothes.

If you or your dd were of a religion/culture that meant she needed to wear trousers then the school would accept this.

You have two choices really. One is to "force" your dd to wear a dress/skirt (not sure how you would do this without using physical force and distressing her, I wouldn't do that tbh)
The other choice is to send her into school wearing shorts/polo shirt and don't say a word. They can't force her to take them off! If the Head pursues it then write a polite but firm letter. If he or she pursues it further then take it up with the LEA. Afaik uniform isn't compulsory in state primary schools anyway.

jaffacake79 · 24/03/2011 15:41

What about culottes (sp)? They might be a good compromise both for her and the school.

thisisyesterday · 24/03/2011 15:42

i believe that school uniform is NOT enforceable on primary age childrne.

so technically you can send her in what you like and there is nothing they can do. My only concern would be teachers telling her off during school....

that said, I think personally i wouldn't talk and talk to her about it, because you're basically validating her idea that she has a choice in it. and don't get me wrong, i am totally for kids getting plenty of choice in their day to day life, but sometimes they do need to know that things have to be done a certain way and they don't get to pick and choose
if you want her to just wear the dress then I'd just be doing a "this is what you wear in the summer" end of story.

onepieceoflollipop · 24/03/2011 15:42

What is the "boys'" summer uniform? I would send her in that tbh. (sounds like it is polo and shorts?)

Can you dress make? An alternative could be to make culottes and send her in with a cotton short sleeved blouse or a polo shirt?

Original poster

fivegomadinthelambingshed · 24/03/2011 15:44

Oh culottes, hadn't thought of those.

OP posts:

PoppetUK · 24/03/2011 15:44

How about a skort??? I'm not sure how easy they would be to find.

thisisyesterday · 24/03/2011 15:45

culottes is a good idea. and also i've seen gingham blouses somewhere... supermarket maybe?

onepieceoflollipop · 24/03/2011 15:46

You can buy a gingham blouse and matching skirt combo in Debenhams, not sure if you can just get teh blouses?

LessNarkyPuffin · 24/03/2011 15:47

If the boys can wear shorts so can she.

thisisyesterday · 24/03/2011 15:48

debenhams or here

might work if they have a gingham dress normally?

and next do culottes

UniS · 25/03/2011 09:39

At DSs school some girls wear culottes, some skirts, some pinafores, some shorts and some trousers. All wear school or white polo OR blouse/ shirt the range of shirts/ blouses styles for girls is rather greater than for boys.

trifling · 25/03/2011 10:34

That is outrageous. Primary uniform is voluntary anyway, the school can do nothing to enforce it. And they should not be telling the girls they have to wear skirts either. f they persist I would take this up with head and then governing body and then LEA/councillor. But for now I think you should leave it up to her, if she's happy to wear the 'boy' version then let her as long as she knows they are not happy with it.

Geocentric · 25/03/2011 10:36

Would she feel more comfortable if she wore shorts (like cotton biker shorts) under a skirt or dress?

darleneconnor · 25/03/2011 11:10

I think the school uniform issue is the least of your problems tbh. Does your dd really not want to bem/ not think she is a girl? If she has gender identity issues id want to take her to the gp asap for a blood test and physical exams.

There is a world of a difference between a girl saying she doesnt want to wear skirts and a girl saying she isnt a girl!

DeWe · 25/03/2011 11:23

Don't think they can do this. I think schools have been threatened with being taken to court for sex descrimination.
I've a feeling Pate's grammar in Cheltenham had a boy who decided to threaten to take them to court on sex descrimination as grils could wear trousers but he couldn't wear a skirt.
Or would she be happy if you got some summer dress fabric and made shorts and a top for her. I made my girls' dresses and they are not the usual style but never been a problem.

emmy12 · 25/03/2011 21:07

Mine refused to wear skirts from about age 2. I told her she had to wear skirts at school when she started at age 5. She sulked for a day or two then wore them. I think sometimes it seems a bigger issue than it is.

Although girls can wear trousers, none of them do at our school and I felt it would make her feel very different from the other girls.

She now (9 months later) sees it as absolutely normal.

It's a bit like taking away the baby bottle to me - it seems a real challenge but actually they're very adaptable at this age.

thinkingkindly · 25/03/2011 21:25

Oh darlene, that is way ott. Lots of girls do that - we used to call them tomboys! My DN went through a stage of wearing boy's clothes and pretending that she was a boy. She would introduce herself to people as a boy, too. She's a gorgeous 15-year-old now, with long beautifully styled hair, great interest in fashion and a boyfriend.

OP, they really should let her wear trousers/shorts, so just send her in wearing them.

Nanny0gg · 25/03/2011 22:07

To the best of my knowledge, state primaries can ask that children wear uniform but cannot insist on it.
So if your daughter wears the same as the boys that's at least trying to support their rules.

Himalaya · 26/03/2011 09:09

I wouldn't go down the skort/culotte route - they are wierd and akward garments and satisfy no one.

Let her go to school in uniform polo shirt and shorts. There is no good reason why she shouldn't.

dikkertjedap · 26/03/2011 11:38

I would think that it is quite dangerous for a five year old to wear a tie when she is playing - she can hang herself! It was my understanding that schools cannot enforce school uniform any way unless it is a private school. My dd wears trousers and short sleeved blouse in Summer. John Lewis does girl's trousers which are quite light. You can buy 100 per cent cotton short sleeved shirts with one of these schooluniform shops online, they are actually lighter than a polo.

Personally, I would be very very unhappy with this school's attitude - they may be so rigid on other issues as well ...

ByTheSea · 26/03/2011 11:53

I could have written your post 3 or 4 years ago when DD2-8 was five. I may even have posted about my worries getting her to wear a school uniform skirt then . She had also decided at 27 months that she would only wear boy clothes (right down to the underwear). In our primary school, the girls are allowed to wear trousers for the winter terms (DD started in January) but must wear skirts or summer dresses after easter and before the november half term. I tried to fight this (I am also a school governor) , but our headteacher has awkward views about it)

Anyway, I got DD2 skorts/culottes (found on ebay), which looked like a skirt unless you looked closely and nobody ever said anything. DD acquiesced and work them. After a couple of years, she started to wear skirts although still wears trousers all winter. She still won't wear a summer dress, but will occasionally wear something remotely girly for a special occasion.

Good luck with it. I personally find it very sexist that girls are forced to wear skirts and dresses and think shorts are more practical.

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