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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

School uniform dilemma

39 replies

fivegomadinthelambingshed · 24/03/2011 15:36

DD is 5, she hasn't worn a dress or a skirt since she was 2, I can still see her stood by our back door, screaming and pulling the skirt that she had on.Since then she has refused to weat girls clothes at all, and until recently refused to acknowledge she was a girl. She started reception in one village in Spetember, they were happy for her to wear shorts, since then she has moved schools to another village school, they are not. We have talked and talked to her about it, why she has to wear dresses, how much cooler she will feel but she is adamant that she will not wear a dress and gets very worked up and stressed when the subject is brought up, and school are pretty much adamant that they won't let her wear shorts and a polo shirt.

Any advice? she is going to fry in the summer in her winter uniform.

OP posts:

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ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 26/03/2011 11:56

Look at the DCSF guidance on school uniform here.

Primary schools can ask parents to abide by the school uniform policy as part of the home-school contract but there aren't any sanctions they can apply if children don't wear it (although the school at which I'm governor does speak to parents about it).

I'm not clear about whether the boys can wear polo shirts or have to continue with shirts and ties in the summer. I think you're on solid ground if you say that you want your daughter to wear whatever it is that the boys wear in summer (presumably shorts + polo shirt or short-sleeved shirt) because that's a gender equality issue, but much less so if you insist that your daughter should wear something that nobody else will be wearing. The school's position will be (I expect) that the uniform is part of the ethos of the school and they don't want children opting out of it just because they fancy wearing something different, rather than for cultural/medical reasons.

I haven't heard of the case at Pate's, but as far as I know none of these cases of boys arguing that they're being discriminated against because they're not allowed to wear skirts get anywhere, because skirts are not a normal part of the male wardrobe in the way that trousers are for girls, so unless there are gender identity/transgender issues there is no general expectation that the boy would wear a skirt in or out of school.

Your daughter is going to be at this school for a long time and you need (hard as it is) to find a workable compromise.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 26/03/2011 11:59

Oh, and had meant to say that if you want to get the school uniform policy changed to include (say) polo shirts for girls, take it up with the school governors, especially if you can get other parents behind you. I'm amazed how many schools (to judge from MN) have antiquated uniform policies which insist on skirts and dresses for girls.

foreverondiet · 26/03/2011 23:31

fivegomadinthelambingshed Other than the uniform issue are you worried by her attitude otherwise? I can see it from the school POV I guess they are worried that if you let your DD wear shorts or trousers with the polo shirt then other girls will want to as well.

I think there are 2 ways of dealing with this. One would be to find a compromise that she & the school can agree on eg culottes or skort, the other I think would be to discuss with GP and then tell school that she has a medical/psychological condition which requires her to wear the boys uniform. That way if other girls want to wear shorts the school can say, only your DD can because her GP says its essential.

My DD's school is a state faith school and girls (and female teachers) must wear skirts/dresses. Even mums/nannies must wear skirts if they come into the school (not for pick up though). They are allowed to wear school colour leggings underneath if they want. Culottes or a skort would not normally be allowed and I suspect the only way forward at such a school would be a letter from GP saying it was medically necessity, but clearly less clear cut for you...

hellymelly · 26/03/2011 23:34

My dd had cullottes for school and they were really lovely,easy to run around in and looked good.Hers were corduroy.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 26/03/2011 23:50

My DD's school is a state faith school and girls (and female teachers) must wear skirts/dresses. Even mums/nannies must wear skirts if they come into the school (not for pick up though)

Seriously? If our school (also faith) tried that level of control-freakery, I'd hit the roof.

Back to the OP - DD chooses to wear dresses with shorts underneath in the summer but if she wanted to wear shorts and shirts like the boys do (or some of the boys do, most of ours prefer trousers, better for the knees when they play footie) then I'd send her in like that. It's not official school uniform, but plenty of girls prefer it, and no-ones said anything so far.

pixel01 · 27/03/2011 12:15

If this is a state primary I would think they can't legally enforce a uniform as others have said. At our primary girls can wear what they want as can boys (including skirts if they want to). FWIW does it take any more than say a jumper with the school crest to 'identify' pupils as belonging to a school?

My DD and DS are glad they can wear whatever they like (trousers, shorts, skirts) depending on the weather and how they feel. Can you move her to another school if this one is being so unreasonable. It is 2011 after all!

skydance · 27/03/2011 12:50

Would she wear a summer dress with little shorts underneath, lots of the girls do this, they prefer not to flash their pants when doing handstands etc., I would have thought that would be a good compromise and she might be more open to the idea when it's very hot.

Failing this she could wear her winter uniform, my eldest son did spend one summer wearing his trousers as he fell over in his shorts playing and cut his knee and so didn't want to wear them again. In our school the boys have to wear shirt and tie all year round, but can wear shorts, the girls have the option of a summer dress.

GiddyPickle · 27/03/2011 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointythings · 27/03/2011 19:22

My DD's school is a state faith school and girls (and female teachers) must wear skirts/dresses. Even mums/nannies must wear skirts if they come into the school (not for pick up though)

Really? In the 21st century? And people let them get away with it? If my DD2's state faith school tried anything like that they'd be in court before they could say 'Gender discrimination'.

OP, is the boys' summer uniform shorts and polo shirt? If yes, then your DD can wear it, as long as you stand firm on the subject and utter the above magicel words 'gener discrimination' at every possible opportunity.

See, this is one of the reasons why I hate school uniform - little local despots with stupid ideas get to act them out in real life.

Meow75 · 27/03/2011 19:36

Gosh - the school are being very silly if they won't allow you to attempt to provide this compromise. Why would they be so keen to see your DD unhappy on a daily basis for almost half of the school year?!?!

Talk to them again, this time quoting that website that a PP provided with the permitted conditions that the school can set.

hellymelly · 27/03/2011 21:47

The cullottes my dd had were really impossible to tell apart from a skirt,as they had a centre pleat and were A-line,knee length. I think they were from Perry uniform suppliers.They were the only thing that I could find that wasn't polyester or teflon coated.They were navy.

Hulababy · 27/03/2011 21:49

Is it a state school? Is it in England? If so, then they cannot force her to wear uniform at all.

kitkat1000 · 27/03/2011 22:05

i think i side on the school to be honest! Kids can be very fussy at that age (my dd is 5 and dislikes trousers!) and i think it does them no favours giving in or jumping to their whim. I set my DD clothes out each night and its tough if she doesn't want to wear it! - unfair on the other parents if your dd wears something different - they'll all be asking! It may not be law to wear a uniform but i think you should respect the policy of the school you send your child to.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 27/03/2011 22:24

I pretty much agree with GiddyPickle.

I think that schools' uniform policies should be pragmatic and reasonable (and parents should take it up with the governors if they are not) and whatever gender-neutral stuff is on the uniform list (eg polo shirts, trousers, shorts) should be available to boys and girls. But that's the limit. Schools can't be expected to agree personal opt-outs for children who don't like what's on the uniform list and want to wear something that no other child will be wearing. It's true that the school can do nothing if a child attends wearing non-uniform clothing, but that's not the same as saying that they have to give approval to them wearing it.

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