Private for 1st child, state for 2nd child-experiences please!

[Mangomargarita]

DD1 is at private school at the moment in year 4. Her sister will be joining reception this September at a state school.

Don't really want to have a discussion on which is better private or state - as for us the financial struggle of putting a second child through private school is just not worth it.
However, I can't help but feel slightly nervous about DD2 joining reception this September, I think the main worry being the much larger class sizes.
I would love to hear if anyone has done, what was your experience and what did you find the biggest adjustment-would really appreciate if you would come and let me know.

my husbands brother went to a private school and he didn't because his parents then split up and couldn't afford it, he always felt less worth, doesn't matter what the excuse was because thats what it is, you shouldn't have sent one to be educated privately and then not send the other one its not fair and people should really think beforehand about the costs of sending children to be educated privately because it isn't just the cost of the education its the cost of trips, holidays and keeping up with the jones' all rolled into one! will you be keeping your DD1 at private school after 16 and funding her at uni too? where does it end?

just re-read some more posts, if moving your DD1 to state school after year 6 then good idea I think it will be OK, interesting your daughter not great at private, my friends brother went at 11 she got choice but declined cos she saw all work he had to do!

To be honest - and I know you are not interested in debating the "rights and wrongs" of your situation - but if there is no way you can send both to private school, and you keep saying that you are not that impressed by the private school dd goes to - then I don't see why you don't just move her to the state school dd2 will be going to? I can't imagine spending money on a private school if I wasn't happy with it....

I did actually have the situation where my eldest son was at state school and my youngest 2 were at independent - and the worst thing was the resentment from my son when his siblings had weeks of holiday which he didn't have. (I couldn't send him to a independent school because he has special needs and I couldn't find one which would have him :( ). As it happens life has intruded and due to redundancy we have had to move all 3 children into the state system - and life is much easier now they all have the same holidays (even though their education is nothing like as good :( )

I think you're overthinking this- I can see the resentment that is caused by DCs going to private and state schools, but as DC1 will only be at a private school for 2 years while the younger sibling is at state, its hardly as if you will be setting them each up for different lives.

I also found that reception and P1 children are pretty much the same in state and private; you might find that when DC2 gets to year 2 and above the other children start to seem a little more street wise. I suggest you are prepared to fight certain battles and go with the flow with others. For example when my DD1 one was in year 2 she was the only one without pierced ears who didn't watch Eastenders and go to bed at 9. In the end she moved school for Year 3, but if she had stayed I'd have let her have her ears pierced, go to bed 8.30 but not watch Eastenders.

You asked about managing expectations; I predict the only comments you'll get will be from DC1's peer's parents. Having had DCs in state and private schools I found the private school parents much more 'interested'.

Good Luck!

My brother has never set foot in a state school, having been educated at a Prep school and then a well-known public school.

I have been edcuated in the state system. Despite my awful primary education (universities back in the 1990s were a great leveler) I managed to achieve an MSc from a top redbrick university, but that's because I worked my socks off at university to catch up and to fill in the gaps thanks to my p*ss poor school education.

My brother is like a stranger. He calls me names - pleb being a favourite. He never invites me to his family's gathering unless he has to and he has admitted to being ashamed of me. For example, the last family gathering I attended was my nephew's baptism in 2006 - my father refused to attend unless my brother invited me and my family along as well. It was very painful to hear that my brother had told so many people that he was an only child. There were a few awkward silences as I result. At one meal, having spoken about my career and university degree, another guest asked, "so you went to x College as well?" I replied no, and that I attended a secondary state school. When she asked why, I replied, "because I'm female" and laughed it off. What else was I suppose to say?

I have always been envious of my brother's public school education. For example, I would have loved to play more hockey. I played for my county junior team but quit at 16 because it was a 2 hour drive to get to training. My brother, who never made use of his school's fantastic sporting facilities, only needed to undertake a 10 minute walk. This was true for swimming as well, and cross country running, but by the time I was 16, I just abandonned all sports. I was also miserable at my state school because no one else shared my interests, and my family were considered "odd".

I haven't seen my brother since 2006 and I doubt I will ever see him again although I am assuming that he will attend my parents' funeral in the future.

Mango Yes, I have a 15 year old in private and has been since aged 8. Ds2 is in a very good state school and is doing very well. We changed to private for Ds1 due to his state school not being the right environment for him and it was the best thing I have ever done. Ds2 has never been in a private school, but we do intend to send him aged 11 as the state schools in my area tend to go a bit wobbly at that stage. I don't feel guilty as I feel they are both getting the right education for them as individuals. Private school, like state education is not a 'one size fits all' scenario