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Ideas on developing emotional maturity at 5yo

56 replies

Sops · 14/03/2011 12:27

Has anyone got any ideas on how to help ds (almost 5) develop his emotional maturity?

He is very emotionally volatile, every little frustration is accompanied by over the top expressions of anger. He frequently lashes out at dd (7) whenever they have even the slightest disagreement and I know that the teacher is going to talk about it when we go for parent's evening later this week.

He also is terrible at following instructions and struggles to sit still for carpet time etc.

I was hoping for some ideas on how to help him develop in this area- he is lagging well behind the other children in his class from my observations and I know it would make his life so much happier if he could control his emotional outbursts better. I just don't know how to help him though...

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LeninGrad · 21/03/2011 20:02

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Sops · 21/03/2011 22:17

AMAZINGLY he came away really nicely from the park tonight, what made it all the more remarkable was that he had made a friend while we were there and STILL managed to come away with NO fuss at all- I'm still reeling from it!

I only told dd quietly, we're going in 2 mins with no ref to ds, then when it was time to go I said, 'I'm going now' and handed him his scooter. He just said 'goodbye' to new friend and off we went. Normally I would have given him a couple of warnings that it was nearly time to go, then said 'time to come away now, lets go home'. So maybe that was less direct and easier for him? Who knows!

I ordered The Red Beast from Amazon today (alongside pre-ordering my copy of Understanding PDA) thought ds would enjoy the idea of the 'Beast'.

In the past we have tried lots of other books on anger, the only one he liked was Angry Arthur though, and it's a bit of a pointless story tbh as all that happens is that Arthur can't remember why he was angry in the first place- suppose at least there is empathy there even if not really helping child to actually deal with it!

Foot massage has gone down pretty well too- using a bit of chamomile in it hoping will help with relaxation.

As you say, Lenin, not sure how all the NHS and education bits articulate, not sure GP was too clear either, said he could refer to ed psych but through school would be quicker and CAMHS would ask for ed psych report anyway.

According to what I have read they will use Diagnostic Interview for Social and Communication Disorders (DISCO) to diagnose asd and PDA, so anyone who has had the relevant training in disco can diagnose it.

All fingers crossed for meeting tomorrow, just making my notes now.

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LeninGrad · 21/03/2011 22:28

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LeninGrad · 21/03/2011 22:30

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Sops · 22/03/2011 20:19

Meeting with Head, class teacher and SENCo today.
Not really sure quite how it went.
Class teacher was great, head was fine, senco.... ?? I'm not sure.
Basically what they said was that although he has plenty of issues and they can totally understand what we're talking about, his progress academically is fine. Whatever his issues may or may not be, they are not affecting his learning right now (although class teacher did point out that they certainly have the potential to affect it in the future) so they cannot refer him to the educational psychologist at the moment.
Head asked SENCo to 'run the PDA thing by the ed psych to see what she thinks'. I'm not sure what this will achieve as I'm pretty sure she won't be meeting ds. I kind of got the idea that senco thinks we have made it up ourselves. She kind of laughed when we brought it up- which made me feel rather patronised. Guess she'll be checking with ed psych that it is a bona fide condition, although I did take in a print out from the NAS and PDAcontactgroup.
They talked about the 'very long' wait for assessment by lea ed psych, although would not be drawn (despite my asking three times) on how long that means in practice.
When we mentioned that we had considered getting him assessed privately, which they were very dismissive, saying that LEA will only recognise diagnoses by own people. Senco also said 'Of course, I've never met anyone who has been assessed for dyslexia, for example, by one of these places, who hasn't had a positive diagnosis- because it's in their interests to diagnose them'. Which seemed to suggest that there are a lot of charlatons around diagnosing dyslexics for their own benefit! Is this really true?? Maybe I'm totally naive, but I tend to hope that even an independent psychologist would have no vested interest in a diagnosis either way- how could it benefit anyone? I'm really not sure what she was getting at there.
However, the teacher is going to make some more detailed assessments of him in class over the next couple of weeks, and we will meet again after easter (not sure if senco and head will be involved or just teacher).
I suppose the person who knows ds the best (teacher) is the most keen for us to move forward, and the person who doesn't know him at all (senco) is rather dismissive.
I guess its early days yet...

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LeninGrad · 22/03/2011 20:32

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