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Original poster

Phonics -grrrrr

79 replies

PrinceRogersNelson · 24/02/2011 15:59

Sorry I really need to rant or else I am going to lose it with the wrong person!

My DS has just started reception last term and we are getting a box home each week with some simple words in; a, as, at, in etc.

I am trying to do it with him and help him and it is a f*king nightmare and it is my fault. I cannot bear it and I have ZERO patience.

He just cannot remember it and cannot engage with it. I am sitting with him and we work out that it is 'i' and 'n' and then he just cannot work out what word it can be. So I help and then literally 2 seconds later he has forgotten it and I want to scream at him.

I HATE that I am like this.
I tell myself he is young, that he will get it when he is ready etc, etc, but when I am trying to help him I turn in to this horrendous pushy Mother who is taking all fun out of anything.

Does anyone else find it this stressful?
Are there any fun ways of doing this?

I am turning in to my Mother and I hate it!

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jetgirl · 24/02/2011 16:05

Can you try playing games with the words - matching sounds, pairs, etc.

When dd was in reception last year I remember getting stressed with it and frustrated when things weren't clicking so I stopped for a bit, only did the school stuff when she wanted to, and used opportunities when we were out for letter and sound recognition. When she saw it as a fun thing, rather than a necessity it became much easier for both of us!

mrz · 24/02/2011 16:08

Does he know the sounds? not the words just the individual sounds...

Original poster
PrinceRogersNelson · 24/02/2011 16:22

I don't know if he knows the sounds. TBH I have no idea what I am doing!

He can look at 'a', 's' and sometimes 'n' and get the sound.

He loves computers and so I have just printed off some pictures for the sounds, like a table for 't' and noodles for 'n' and I am going to get him to stick the letters on and then put them in the kitchen.

So, when he can't get the sound straight off we can look at the pictures on the wall.

Does that sound like a good idea?

I really want to help, but seem to be making things worse.

OP posts:
FreudianSlippery · 24/02/2011 16:27

Important point - is he saying the sounds correctly? Eg the sound 'm' - does he say mmmmmmm or does he say 'muh'? The latter is wrong and will make it difficult to blend into words.

everlong · 24/02/2011 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrz · 24/02/2011 16:29

If he doesn't recognise the letters he isn't going to be able to blend them to make words. I would use magnetic letters keep it fun and don't get stressed a simple - can you remember this letter? If he doesn't want to play or can't remember don't worry, tell him and leave it.

MizzMizz has posted a guide for parents written by a parent which you might find helpful.

Original poster
PrinceRogersNelson · 24/02/2011 16:37

everlong - I know I don't want him to associate learning with mum flipping her lid - which is why I came on here to ask for help.
I want to calm down, but I also want to help him and I just needed some help with ideas.

I just don't really know what I am supposed to be doing.

Freudianslip - he says nnnn and mmmmmm.

It's just we got this box home and no idea of what to do with it.

I will just carry on with sounds and forget words for a bit.

But we have 'the' in his box. What am I supposed to do with that?

OP posts:
mrz · 24/02/2011 16:40

tell him it's a tricky one and what it says

everlong · 24/02/2011 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrailMix · 24/02/2011 16:46

Maybe you're best off ignoring the box! If you feel the problem is your impatience, maybe try a fun website like Starfall, or look up some phonics songs from Sesame Street on their YouTube channel.

That way you can support his phonics learning without getting too stressed out!

TrailMix · 24/02/2011 16:48

Oh yeah, you can also get a book/CD combo of Jolly Phonics songs (same author as the Finger Phonics that Everlong mentioned) and you both might enjoy that.

rupaul · 24/02/2011 16:52

As others have said, he won't be able to do even these simple words if he doesn't yet know his letter sounds.he's probably been given these words before he's ready for them. I also recommend Starfall tho' it's American and jolly phonics books.

pantaloons · 24/02/2011 16:53

I'm not sure if they follw the same scheme, but mine did Jolly Phonics. I got thecd and book from early learning and combining the pictures, words and actions seemed to help my ds take more in.

Having said that I can remember reading "Floppy Floppy" with him. The last words in the book were floppy Floppy. He spelt out the first floppy and said it correctly, but was totally clueless about the second one, spelling it out again and saying "kipper?" "biff?" "hat?". I have to admit it was a count to ten moment for me! Now though he was a lovely reader and I'm glad I occasionaly managed to keep my patience!

Original poster
PrinceRogersNelson · 24/02/2011 16:59

I think I need to talk to the teacher and get some pointers.

I am pretty sure they are not doing jolly phonics and I don't want to confuse him by bringing them in.

He loved the exercise I did with him this afternoon with the pictures and matching the letters and got them right.

So he looked at the picture of the table. Said it started with 't' and then found the letter 't'.

I need to make it fun for us all.

Thanks everyone. I do really appreciate the reply's. I WISH I didn't get so frustrated.

OP posts:
mrz · 24/02/2011 17:02

Does he have actions to go with the sounds and letters?
a would be wiggling his fingers up his arm
t would be looking left and right
s would be making a s shape
i would be making whiskers with his fingers

Original poster
PrinceRogersNelson · 24/02/2011 17:04

No. No actions.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrinceRogersNelson · 24/02/2011 17:05

I've had a look at starfall and it does look good.

He loves his computer so that would be good for him I think.

OP posts:
everlong · 24/02/2011 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jetgirl · 24/02/2011 19:18

The alphablocks on Cbeebies are good too. My DD loved them and spent ages playing the game on the website. DD's school does Jolly phonics and she and my DS who's only 3 really enjoyed doing the letter sounds and actions. The teacher won't mind at all if you ask what you can do to support your child's learning. Now, take a break and enjoy what's left of half-term!

Goblinchild · 24/02/2011 19:39

You've hd a lot of good advice on here, but I'd like to add one thing.
If helping your child with schoolwork makes you stressed, angry and wanting to scream at him, please just stop doing it and let the school support him instead. Do something you both enjoy instead.
I'd say the same, whatever age he was.

Panzee · 24/02/2011 20:16

I was going to suggest what Goblinchild said. Don't do it - just read some nice books to/with him. Let us worry about the sounds! :)

spudmasher · 24/02/2011 20:22

Lots of boys are not ready until they are 6 or 7 and that's fine. Instill a love of books and he will want to read and will when he is ready. Don't bow to the pressure from the school. He's not ready and that's cool.

dolfrog · 26/02/2011 19:41

PrinceRogersNelson
According to the UK Medical Research Council up to 10% of th child population have some degree of Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) which is a listening disability, or not being able to process what you hear.
Those who have APD have poor listening skills, and have a cognitive disability which prevents them from processing the gaps between sounds which combine to make up words.
Those of us who have APD can only laern the complete sound of a word, and we therefore can only match the sigle visual shape of a word when using the visual notation of speech, or the written word.
So thos who have APD a listening disability can not use phonics which requires goos listening skills, and the ability to blend sounds represented by the graphic symbols or leeters which make up a word.
For those who have APD this is not cognitively possible.
Unfortunately teachers are not trained to understand the neurology of learning, or how we learn to read, they are really only teaching program instructors.
There are two neurological systems required to perform the task of reading, the lexical systems which processes visual information (whole word) from which we derive meaning, and a sub lexical system by which we decode sound based information (phonics.Unfortunately there have been uneducated marketing wars claiming that we need either Whole Word OR Phonics, when we actually need to use both, as this is who we read.

So until there is some real independent scientific research guiding our education system as opposed to the market research we lobbyist use our children will continue to suffer due the ignorance of the UK educationalists.

Malaleuca · 26/02/2011 22:51

Strangely enough I've had a few children diagnosed with APD who have learnt to blend and segment words so I find Dolfrog's post unnecessarily pessimistic. I've never had a student yet who was completely incapable of this task, in 40 years of teaching, although it is true some find it more difficult than others.

allchildrenreading · 27/02/2011 09:01

Dolfrog has been told hundreds of times that children with ADP can be taught to read with good phonics structure. An experienced reading tutor in the States with an adopted daughter with ADP tried, in vain, to engage with him some time ago.

It is well worth looking at this delightful 5 minute video of Elmhurst Primary in the East End of London. Synthetic phonics throughout, no failures, no acceptance of Reading Recovery or any other 'Catch-UP' programmes which dilute the teaching:

www.teachers.tv/videos/parent-participation