Don't like DD2's best friend's mum. AIBU? WWYD?

[holidayplease]

Never thought I would have this problem as I am easy going and don't really fall out with people.

DD2 is in reception and has a little best friend in her class, I'll call her Molly. DD2 adores Molly, I also think Molly is a nice girl. However, I really don't like Molly's mum.

If I list a selection of what the mum has done, perhaps tell me if I am being unreasonable, and if not, what shall I do? Will warn you that I am wearing my XL judgy pants .

1. Molly spilt a drink whilst at my house. No problem. Wiped drink up and lent Molly some of DD2's clothes which she later went home in. Only, the clothes were never returned. (Molly's mum was at my house so knows that the clothes were DD2's).

2. We arranged to meet at softplay. They were half an hour late and the mum offered no explanation.

3. I am concerned about safety issues. She has a DS (2yo) and she parked her car at school illegally, got him out and started chatting to someone. Her DS then ran across the road alone whilst she was chatting. Another mother went and grabbed him!

4. She asked me if I would have Molly over as she needed to do something. I was too polite to ask what she was doing, but looked after Molly anyway. Turned out she was getting her nails done.

5. We had arranged for them to come over during the Christmas holidays to play. Molly had been vomiting the previous day and it was clear after Molly used our toilet that she still had diahorrea. Both my kids and me then got this diahoera and vomiting virus. She didn't warn me about it in advance. You can guess the rest = whole family = sick.

6. Their teacher has told Molly's mum that Molly is behind with phonics and reading and said that it would help if she would go through the sounds and reading books sent home. Molly's mum thinks it is the teacher's job to educate her and won't help.

There is just nothing good about this woman. She is flaky and she tells half truths and lies and I really don't want anything to do with her but that is unfair on both the girls and also I know you can't break up a child's friendships. So WWYD? Feel sorry for Molly, but every time I see her, I get so annoyed and inconvenienced by her mum's actions. Have I honestly got to suck this up? Am having visions of these girls being best friends for life!

You don't have to like the parents of your child's friends.

I suppose the title was wrong - it's not really the liking her that's the problem - it's the way she uses me as childcare, pinches my stuff and brings me germs!

People are all different, you just have to make arrangements in a way that minimises the irritiation -

1 - another time, have Molly change back into her own things before she leaves

2 - at softplay, you can enjoy yourselves before they get there, I'm not surprised she thought it was a "loose" arrangement

3 - if your dd knows not to run into the road, her lack of supervision is not that likely to cause a problem

4 - you didn't ask what she was doing, so you can't complain. Next time, ask if it bothers you that her activity is "worthy" of your childcare

5 - ok that's a pain, but children are always spreading bugs

6 - what's it to do with you? She won't be responsible for your child's homework.

You will increasingly have to deal with your dd choosing her own friends.

YANBU to not like someone - there's no rule that says you have to like all the parents you come into contact with at school.

YWBU if you tried to stop your DD being friends with Molly because of it.

As the kids get older, there will be no need for you to spend time with the parents of your DDs friends other than dropping them off and picking them up.

TBH, nothing you mention above sounds that bad to me, but then I am a fairly lax parent.

The bug thing is very frustrating and she should have kept her home. Soft play thing - was half an hour in a situation where the children could play, not really a prob. Road safety thing could be one off-I would hate to be judged on that. The clothes, did you ask for them back? People often forget that kind of thing. Childcare-she prob shouldn't have said the reason, but not a big deal. All in all, perhaps not going to be your best mate, but an accumulation of, with exception of bug spreading, things that are either trivial or not really directly affecting you. Don't have her round for coffee on her own sure, but if the little girl is okay no real prob.

I think you've got some pretty reasonable complaints there. The main thing is just to minimise the amount of ways this woman can annoy you.

You know she's rubbish so -

don't lend clothes
offer to pick girls up from school (if you're having Molly to play) and say you'll drop her back at home
ask her directly to let you know if Molly's been ill so you can take steps to keep family healthy
forget about her attitude to learning, maybe just offer to include Molly in homework time if she happens to be at your house then

The woman is awful, you are right. But friendships are fluid and all your DD will want is you to be nice to her friends.

Not sure i get the big deal
Ask for the clothes back.
You don't have to be best mates

Is Molly's mium a mnetter?
Cos despite the name change it would be pretty easy to identify those involved given all the examples and detail you have provided.
Just nudge her in the direction of the Primary Ed threads and she'll get the message

mum not mium

thenevernever - I guess that would solve my problem . She wouldn't like me either.

I would just be frustrated by the sick bug thing. That would piss me off though the other stuff less so.

As your dd gets older you will not need to spend as much time with her friends parents. When they are younger you tend to see them more, but once over about 5, you can have freinds round for tea unaccompanied and offer to take them to soft play without the other mum. The problem should disappear overtime.

'This woman is awful'? Sounds like a normal laid back parent to me.

What Missmapp said....just say no if she attempts to use you again....as for the tings she never returned...sk for them back next time.

THe best I hope for with mine is that they're polite and pleasant to my DC.

"there is nothing good about this mum". Nice. Yeah, she's not perfect, who is. She might not be the sort of woman you could be good friends with but to say she's all bad?? Sheesh.

I'd be seething if I lost a set of one of my DC's clothes in this way. She sounds like a right PITA

The mum's approach to parent may be vastly different to yours, but there are all sorts of parents in this world - some truly are "bad", as the frequency I deal with safeguarding / child protection cases shows. This mum is a pain, but it's small fry.

The main question - how would your daughter feel if you broke up her friendship with "Molly" because of her mum?

Agree it must be annoying but you will probably have to grin and bear it. Chances are the friendship won't last anyway. My DD seems to change Best Friends every month.

Have you actually asked for the clothes back ? Its really easy to forget about them - I know I have ds's friends top sitting upstairs as I keep forgetting to take it with us, or hand it over even when I do (her mum is the same though - we laugh about how much stuff the kids have at each house)

It almost seems like you are looking for reasons not to like her tbh

Other than 5, I don't see a problem.

She's probably forgotten about the clothes, just ask for them back! And if you don't want to babysit then say so.

I don't see why you have to fraternise with the mum?

I barely ever see dd's friends' mothers, except at dropping off/picking up after tea etc.

I don't care for dd's friends' mothers much - one is the type who is always looking over your shoulder for someone better to talk to, another is uber career woman whose nostrils are permanently flared with disdain.

It's a shame - it would have been nice if I could have met some friends at the school gate, but it's not meant to be.

Our dds are friends, but it doesn't follow that the mums have to be too.

oops - mostly sounds like me!

1. i would probably mean to send them back.....then forget (i forget everything!)
2. I am always late! (although i usually throw in a rather harassed sorry when i finally get there) As long as the kids get along, i wouldn't worry about it - you don't have to see her that much.

can't your DD be friends with Molly at school, but just happen to not invite her round much to your house out of school.

I wouldn't like this woman either and if I felt she was taking advantage of me, then it would get under my skin. The best thing you can do is gently hold her away from having anything to do with you personally

CMOTdibbler - I am certainly not looking for reasons not to like her. Ironically the converse is true - since September, I have been trying to like her. But she continues to use me.

Anice - yes, that's what I would really like and similarly gramercy, it's her wanting to fraternise with me that is the problem.

tigger - a harassed sorry would have been perfecty adequate and I would have totally understood even without an explanation. Unfortunately I got nothing!

To those who have asked about the clothes - no, I haven't asked for them back. I'm too embarrassed.

I would never do anything to attempt to break up the friendship. But the mother is texting me all the time - I just want her to back off.

This type of thread makes me panic- a list of things, most of which I would be capable of at one point or another. So someone might have a low opinion of me because of a non returned item of clothing, late arrival at playmate etc. I'd like to think that the times I look after people's children in an emergency and other things might make up for moments of flakiness but who knows? I haven't knowingly brought my children to anyone's house while ill and I don't get my nails done so maybe I'm okay. But I have let my toddler run into the street once, not chatting but still...I know what you mean op, it is annoying but so are perfect types.