Don't like DD2's best friend's mum. AIBU? WWYD?

[holidayplease]

Never thought I would have this problem as I am easy going and don't really fall out with people.

DD2 is in reception and has a little best friend in her class, I'll call her Molly. DD2 adores Molly, I also think Molly is a nice girl. However, I really don't like Molly's mum.

If I list a selection of what the mum has done, perhaps tell me if I am being unreasonable, and if not, what shall I do? Will warn you that I am wearing my XL judgy pants .

1. Molly spilt a drink whilst at my house. No problem. Wiped drink up and lent Molly some of DD2's clothes which she later went home in. Only, the clothes were never returned. (Molly's mum was at my house so knows that the clothes were DD2's).

2. We arranged to meet at softplay. They were half an hour late and the mum offered no explanation.

3. I am concerned about safety issues. She has a DS (2yo) and she parked her car at school illegally, got him out and started chatting to someone. Her DS then ran across the road alone whilst she was chatting. Another mother went and grabbed him!

4. She asked me if I would have Molly over as she needed to do something. I was too polite to ask what she was doing, but looked after Molly anyway. Turned out she was getting her nails done.

5. We had arranged for them to come over during the Christmas holidays to play. Molly had been vomiting the previous day and it was clear after Molly used our toilet that she still had diahorrea. Both my kids and me then got this diahoera and vomiting virus. She didn't warn me about it in advance. You can guess the rest = whole family = sick.

6. Their teacher has told Molly's mum that Molly is behind with phonics and reading and said that it would help if she would go through the sounds and reading books sent home. Molly's mum thinks it is the teacher's job to educate her and won't help.

There is just nothing good about this woman. She is flaky and she tells half truths and lies and I really don't want anything to do with her but that is unfair on both the girls and also I know you can't break up a child's friendships. So WWYD? Feel sorry for Molly, but every time I see her, I get so annoyed and inconvenienced by her mum's actions. Have I honestly got to suck this up? Am having visions of these girls being best friends for life!

Thing is, what seems to happen is that a series of things occur that you don't/can't forget. As time goes by you are almost on the lookout (albeit subconciously) for things to justify your growing internal dislike of her. This happens in alot of relationships. There will come a time when Molly sneezes and it will definitely be her mums fault - you won't be able to help it no matter how hard you try.

IMO YANBU. The kids can still be friends but over time you, as parents, will go your separate ways I'm sure.

Good luck.

Sounds like different parenting styles to me. Ds doesn't always do his homework or schoolwork. I'm not bothered and wouldn't have been if he had done the same in reception. There will be plenty of ds's schoolmates at home this week doing extra schoolwork. I won't be asking Ds to do a thing. I wonder what the other school mums say about me?

If you don't like her then don't involve yourself in her life.

I fail to see how any of the above amount to this woman "using" you though ?

Children will always be friends with someone you dont like. But they can keep their friendships at school.
You dont have to be friends outside the family.

Over time, your child will probably move to another friend.

If a child is coming to your house, they follow your rules. You have let this mum appear to walk all over you, so dont do it again.

Dont answer texts. If your phone was switched off you wouldnt be reading them every minute of the day. if you are responding then perhaps she believes you are happy to do so. Some people spend their life on phones.

Maybe she's lonely. 1 and 2 I've definetly been guilty of. I'm very disorganised and sometimes struggle to cope with the basics! Think I'm a pretty good friend in general though. My dd has bolted out in the road before, completely out of character and without warning. Luckily no cars were coming. I think it'll stay with me forever. I only hope no one there judged me.

Maybe she does take the piss a bit. Just try and keep her as an aquaintance and hopefully the girls will have a big bust up or something!

Sorry but you sound so passive aggressive. Why should be embarrassed to ask for your own clothes back.

Ignore the texts she sends you, practise saying no -you don't always have to explain why you are saying no. You are expecting her to behave exactly the same as you would in every circumstance she doesn't and will not.

Are you working? Have other things going on in your life?

Wait till you come across parents who think it's OK to give kids vodka before the school disco!

If you like the child and think she's a good friend for your daughter, then just make sure they play at school or at your house or otherwise under your supervision. You don't have to socialize with a parent you don't get on with and you don't have to send your child to the home of someone whose values/behavior/judgement you don't respect.

you don't particularly like her, you don't want her as a friend...
so what's the problem with dealing with her politely but directly??
can't understand why you haven't asked for the clothes back at all. why on earth should you be "embarrassed"? why on earth should she mind you asking for them?
my dss have had lots of friends over the years whose parents i can't abide. But i just deal with them in a straightforward way so that my dcs can spend time with their friends. If i think the parents are a positive danger and a menace then the child always comes to mine and mine don't go to theirs...
think you need to (wo)man up a bit!