when do I tell school ds is going private?

[mamadou]

Hi Mnetters, I just wanted to ask when those of you, who have moved your DCs from state school to private, informed the school of your intentions?

My DS is in reception, so no immediate rush, but we are thinking of 7/8+ for him. When is the right time to mention it? Should I be upfront from now?

Thanks

Totally agree - do not mention it to other parents until much nearer the time.

When we moved dd2 to private schooling we informed the school she was in on the Friday before Easter that she would not be returning after the Easter break. we did it that way becaue the school had not been particuary active in attempting to help dd2 with her dyslexia and the little help she did get we were not about to get jeopodised because some old diddy (aka SENCO that told me dd2 could not be dyslexic since she was not clumosy!! tells you how well qualified she was for her job) cant be bothered to do her job properly.

We moved her it was the best decision I have ever made and I would do it hand on heart over again and again. I do not regret not telling the school and I 1005 belive had we informed them earlier they would have pulled what little help they did do wih dd2.

Exceptional circumstances perhaps but I also know from friends that a new child started in the school directly after Easterbreak in the place dd2 had (hugely oversubscribed school)

Don't worry teachers normally find it obvious (and annoying) even if you say nothing - its amazing the number of oversubscribed outstanding rated state primaries that suddenly experience a drop in numbers at this stage.... And a number in the top year of primary who suddenly find God...They won't treat your child any differently. But really if that's what you want you ought to use private from the start.

Why wouldn't you be upfront with the school and tell them what your intentions are? Do you really think they will start treating your dc different?

I would wait too. Masses of things could change between now and then. You wouldn't think to tell them if you were planning to move house in 3 years time would you?

Hi Mamdou
My DD is moving to private at the end of this term. I had a quiet word with the head ned of last year as DD went on a trail day plus had mentioned this to a few friends, so I didnt want it getting out in other wats. However i did not formally write in to give notice of her place until we had a fromal offer from her new school and had accepted. They will want to liase with her current school regarding her current academic records so it was appropriate to give notice this term.

Despite having spoken to the head, she had kept this information to herself and the office staff were all calling me in to find out the facts and tell me how much they were going to miss my DD when she goes in April

Think of it in terms of the information that you will give to your DC. Presumably you won't mention it now for fear of unsettling him? But you will when it's time to go and look round. Tell the school at the same time, he probably will anyway!

You will need to tell the current school he is moving to private in about December of the year before he goes to the new school.

From January onwards there will be Open days, Taster days and Exam days that he will need to attend as well as written references needed. Better tell the school as a courtesy so they know and are ready for that but you dont need to tell them earlier.

The school doesn't need to know until he leaves, unless you need a reference in hy case you need to tell them so they can write it. Why would they need that info otherwise - what are they going to do with it?? they can't re-fill the place anyway until he actually leaves, so no point in telling them.

Gosh Poppyella - how nasty! I think Seeker was making a valid point about how difficult it is for many parents to find a good state school place for their children. I didn't read jealousy in there at all, but I absolutely agree that this is a parental choice and the parents have the right to choose where to send their kids. Having taught in both sectors ( and been educated in both sectors ) I'd say the state sector when it's working well, trumps the private sector every time - you definitely don't always get what you pay for. I was quite shocked when I worked in the private sector to be honest. Each school should be judged on its merits and by the time the child is 7, the decision might well be different.

Peronally, I'd keep it quiet for as long as you can.

Private education brings out the inner Marxist in the most unlikely people.

Also, some of your fellow parents wll see it as an implicit critisism of them, instead of a personal decision.

"Also, some of your fellow parents wll see it as an implicit critisism of them, instead of a personal decision."
Exactly - some will see it as a 'the school which your dcs go to is no longer good enough for mine" which is quite a hard message to deal with.

I haven't read the whole thread, but in case no one has said this yet...

I would definitely give more than one week's notice, in your shoes. Children need a bit of time to say goodbye, to process change - and not just the one leaving, but their classmates and their teachers (who need to be ready to help the children with good endings/separations).

In our state primary, there are always a few who move on to private school at that age - its a given, in our area. The school is used to it, and fine with it, but they are hot on pastoral care and appreciate the time needed to make goodbyes unrushed and happy - I would give at least 3 weeks, if not half a term.

Don't feel you have to say anything at all until just before you are about to go.

I've just written to our school to let them know we will most likely be leaving during the summer holiday, which is still six months away. I've done this for two reasons, 1) we have told our children we will be moving then and that they will be going to a new school and know it will only be a matter of time until they ention it themselves.
2) I know there are other army families moving into the area who are desperate for school places and if I can help by letting the school know early then that's what I'll do.

Your circumstances are individual, so only you can answer your question.

We moved dd at the start of y2.

I spoke to her teacher and head in confidence throughout y1. For our circumstances this worked well. They offered insight on what they felt would best suit dd, provided assistance towards assessment and in the lead up to her move the class made a leaving card and present.

It worked well, there was support, we did not feel snubbed. (I did not tell the other parents until the last week or so.)

I wish you luck with your decision, it is a difficult one. If only we mums had a crystal ball.

Your circumstances are individual, so only you can answer your question.

We moved dd at the start of y2.

I spoke to her teacher and head in confidence throughout y1. For our circumstances this worked well. They offered insight on what they felt would best suit dd, provided assistance towards assessment and in the lead up to her move the class made a leaving card and present.

It worked well, there was support, we did not feel snubbed. (I did not tell the other parents until the last week or so.)

I wish you luck with your decision, it is a difficult one. If only we mums had a crystal ball.

Whenever we have moved house and schools, no state school has been able to allocate us a place until 6 to 8 weeks beforehand.

So I dont think you need to give "lots" of notice for that reason.

Irrespective of leaving one state school for another or moving onto private, I would NEVER give more than the neccessary amount of notice ever again. People can be very odd once they know you are moving away/to a new school. We have experienced more than once with both my DC a serious slow down in birthday invites and playdates as the parents of remaining children try and guide their DC into new friendships to lessen to impact of their friend leaving. At one school we even stopped receiving news letters after being told "most it wont be relevant as you intend to leave".

When people find out you're moving DC onto a private school some will get particuarly nasty! Some seem to take it as a personal insult at their choice of school rather than a choice/decision you have made for whatever reason.

As someone who is contemplating moving a dc at 7+, can I hijack the thread a little and ask how it has been for those of you who moved state to private? Any regrets? Have you noticed a big difference in the education your dc is receiving?

DD is only a term and a bit in (switched for year 3) but certainly no regrets so far - she is having a great time. I moved her mainly because I saw how bored and underchallenged her brother had been when he was in year 5 and 6 at the same school, and thought I might as well move her at year 3 which is when the biggest intake is.

The new school, which is officially selective, though I don't think turns that many children away at the junior level, does seems more academically challenging, though she still says the maths is boring and easy (even though the year is split into two rough ability groups). They have homework (about 10-20 minutes most nights) and spelling tests, which I am neutral about, but she seems to actively like.

They have a more structured timetable, and have history, geography, science and PSHE etc as separate lessons, whereas at her old school there was just one big project or topic per term. There is some coordination across the subjects though, eg doing Greeks in history and making Greek masks or vases in art.

The biggest difference so far is in the amount of sport - and actual competitive sport against other schools, even in year 3 - which she loves. PE at her old school always seemed rather half-hearted, and I don't think she ever got at all sweaty, but she now spends an afternoon a week being very active, plus PE and dance on other days. I hated team sports, but she thinks hockey is the best thing ever.

There is also a huge range of other optional activities for their Friday afternoons - options like fencing, sewing, judo, forest school, origami, glee club, latin for older ones etc.

The school day is longer by about half an hour, but they seem to pack an awful lot more in.

Ooh Glee club! Can I go to that school?!? Sounds fab!

Appalled at how some of you have been treated when moving!

Several of dd's classmates have moved each year (mostly because their families have relocated, but a few to private or other state schools) and I've never witnessed anything like that. Mums are given goodbye drinks out, children are given presents and cards wishing them luck, the school wishes them good luck in an assembly, etc.

Personally, the only person leaving I would ever be at is one leaving with no, or hardly any, notice (unless unavoidable) because that gives other people - including children - the message that they don't matter. It also, presumably, means getting the departing child to either keep moving a secret, or keeping them in the dark about leaving till just before they go.

The other parents were fine when DD moved, and we still see a lot of her friends.

The head teacher was another matter though - I got summoned in to see her (without being told in advance what the meeting was about) when they first heard a rumour I was considering moving her - we had been to an open day, and DD mentioned it to some friends, and the teacher heard the friends talking about it. In the meeting I was subjected to some rather aggressive/defensive questioning about why I would consider moving her. I can't say it made me very keen to keep her there.

She then put down DD's 'moving up' afternoon at the new school as unauthorised absence (same for all the other children who were leaving for private schools and had taster days etc), and spoke not a single word to me for the whole of the last term. DD's class teacher was fine, though.

I understand that the head has problems with budgets and class number balancing because the school does always lose children to independents at KS2, but her behaviour really just came across as very petty and authoritarian, and reinforced the impression that she was more bothered about the school's statistics and keeping up its 'outstanding' status, than how well it actually provides for children.

Around here there are a lot of "State till 8" families and they usually slot in to take the places of the children who have been packed off to boarding school.

I'd suggest warning your head teacher at the start of final term (which is when you usually have to give notice at a private school) but not tell any of the other parents until the end.

Thanks to those of you with constructive comments.

I have already gathered from other mums at DS's school that they don't approve of their 'friends' who have opted to go private. It was this hostility that made me question, when and where would be the right time to bring it up (even with a teacher)? Now I just think I'll avoid mentioning it for as long as I can!

Mum 72, that's awful, you were treated so badly when your DC changed school.

Exexpat, I'm glad the move has worked out so well for your dd :)