Social reasons - any chance?

[oboyoboyoboy]

I'm finishing off my application for my ds to start reception in September. I have two main social reasons for wanting a particular school.

It's the closest to the nursery that my one year old twins attend and I'm a single working mum - anything else and the day in day out logistics of dropping off and picking up would be a nightmare.

And second the children are all donor conceived and I'm bisexual and want a socially progressive school which will help them understand and feel confident about the way they were conceived, my sexuality (and any future partners I might have) and protect them from bullying.

I'm confident this school is the right place after having frank conversations as I've gone round all the schools. However it's very oversubscribed and we don't live close enough.

My dilemma is - do I just put this school and the social reasons (I have supporting letters from nursery and homestart) or do I put others as back up, which in my view undermines a bit the fact I'm saying any others wouldn't work for our family.

Any advice would be really welcome.
Thanks

If you don't get a place at this school and you haven't named any others you will normally be offered a place at the nearest school to you that has places - which may be a long way away.

I would put your catchment school down for the reasons rustybear has said. Are there any other schools that you like?

If you don't name other schools, as Rusty says you could be allocated a place at a school which has places further away.

Also, the comments boxes are not usually used by LEA's to allocate places. They use the allocation criteria they have listed on their paper work and on the web. Comments usually only support an application under one of the application criteria, ie SN or in care.

Things like childcare do not usually come under it, as that could apply to most people.

Have a look at the criteria, and see if there is anything you can use there.

Good luck.

I really would put your nearest school as back up. Otherwise you could end up with any school with a free place in your LEA and that may make things work. Perhaps your child's school has a breakfast club - that would help with the school run in the morning.
As far as I am aware the social reasons really only applies if the child has mild disabilities that only a particular school can cater for. It is also sometimes used if the parent has disabilities but most LEAs don't really take this into account in their admissions criteria unless it affects learning.
Most school are fairly tolerant of different family situations these days and you are unlikely to have any problems with being a single parent.

social reasons can apply in other situations than disability: e.g. if a child has been bereaved and the school offers special counselling/if a child needs to move away from a certain area because of violent family etc etc

but if it's just a question of your childcaring arrangements, then they tend to be less sympathetic- tbh lots of people have these difficulties and it would be impossible for the LEA to cater for them all

again, it would be very difficult to prove to the LEA that your children would suffer from intolerance elsewhere; untraditional family set-ups are so common these days that they hardly seem to warrant a special school

Most LEAs specifically say that childcare is not a reason to be allocated a specific school, nor could they be seen to favour a single parent. Many two parent families could come up with "one parent works away all the time" arguments which, equally, would be dismissed as irrelevant. Bottom line is you are responsible for your childcare arrangements.

I see where you are coming from with the bisexual argument, but if the LEA were to consider it they would be admitting that other schools may discriminate which I would think they would not be willing to do. For example there is a school in Brighton which everyone knows has a very high percentage of gay/lesbian parents so people often want to send their children their but the LEA CANNOT take that as a valid reason for allocation. Some people think that the LEA is so PC they will allocate on those grounds but of course they don't, then they find themselves in one of the most undesirable schools in Brighton. Have a back up!

How will everyone at the school know of your sexuality and how they were conceived.
Not sure childcare provision will be high up on their list!

I would definitely put a second choice of your closest or another that you feel you could live with. While I totally understand your reasons for wanting this school and think they are very important, I'm not sure they will carry much, if any, weight with the LEA. Good luck though, I hope you get your first choice.

i struggled getting my dd into the right school for her as she has disabilities, i doubt childcare/sexuality/method of conception would get you any priority when it comes to school places as lea have set rules to make the admission process fair. where iam social reasons count for things like a child in care and even that comes after sn children and siblings.

most schools are very aware of different types of families/different cultures etc etc so i see no reason why it would be a problem or why there would be any bullying, children are very tolerant of others at primary age and probably just want to play rather than ask each others family history/set up

As the others say, you need to put other options down, as it's very unlikely by the sounds of it that you will get your first choice; none of your reasons will give you priority I'm afraid. It's possible that if you don't get in and appeal you could argue the social side (unlikely, but possible), but it isn't going to get you priority at this point. If you don't put another choice, you will be allocated whichever school in your borough has places, which is likely to be a school you don't want further away.

Agree with others that it is very unlikely that your reasons will be considered enough to give priority for your preferred school. The stuff about nursery is, I'm afraid, a complete non-starter. I understand your comments about wanting a socially progressive school but that is also unlikely to get you a place.

Also agree that putting down only one choice will not improve your chances of getting into this school. It will mean that you end up being given a place at an unpopular school which may be a long way away. I would always recommend using all your choices and including at least one school which you consider acceptable and where you have a good chance of getting in.

thanks for your comments - really helpful.

Coccyx - everyone will know when my son tells them! I want to be open with him - all the research on donor conceived children says this is the best way for the emotional development of the child - but of course I can't control what he does with the information. He's very chatty, asks lots of probing questions (two weeks after his second birthday "who is my daddy?") and is likely to spill the beans left, right and centre (again, research tends to show that children do this up until about age 8-10 when they start to become aware of social stigmas and privacy and generally stop sharing lots of personal info).

I think I'll have to work out which my next best options are - it's a tricky conundrum as the ones nearest me are dire in a variety of ways.

I know it seems drastic, but can you move? If the twins nursery is there already?

If not, have you visited the catchment school, looked at other nurseries near catchment/your work.

Your son could have a childminder/babysitter/friend take him to school?He could go to breakfast/afterschool club?

Primary schools are generally not as bad as you may think.

If you don't get in where would he be alllocated? If that is not an option for you, i'd go with catchment.

I don't think social reasons can make a difference in my experience - if they offered your DS a place and someone nearer was refused they would appeal - would be a can of worms for the local authority eg having to justify why your social reason was more deserving than theirs.

We applied out of catchment last year. Head assured me all from our parish had got in for last 7 or 8 years. Our social reasons were DD disabled (but not statemented), cope better in smaller class size and near hosp so minimising time away from school.

She didn't get in and was allocated nearest available non faith school - not an option and DD is not at private school.

Older and wiser I wouldn't chance a non catchment application - hence already looking at a move to catchment for secondary already - DD is nearly 5.

sorry should saw now at private school

financially can't afford to move (though desperately need to - we're all squashed in a one bedroom flat!). I've decided working 3 days and spending time with the kids is more important than earning more money and moving - but I constantly wonder if this is the right choice as the cramped conditions are getting worse as the twins grow... but that's another issue!

closest school is in wrong direction so although I thought it was ok, logistically it would be a nightmare. closest school in right direction isn't great. next nearest school to nursery has a dodgy head from what I've heard - but realistically this is probably the one I'll have to put second as I really think day in, day out logistics might tip the balance on my decision.

I think I'll have to start exploring all those other options re childminders and after school clubs - and thanks for the reminder that primary schools aren't as bad as youthink - I think you (I) can become a bit hysterical trying to work it all out!

A dodgy head is not ideal, but as far as your ds is concerned his teacher will be the centre of his universe. Meet the foundation teachers, talk to other parents and see what you think.

A 1 bed flat is very very hard. Can you get help from council with this?

Perhaps if you found a childminder that felt like more of a mum replacement than nursery you might feel better about going full time?

I had 2 yrold ds and new born twins. It's a bugger isn't it ? I have dh and didn't work for a bit. I bow down to your achievement- serious respect.

There's a huge diversity of backgrounds at most LEA schools now. Ask to see the equal ops policy from a few others.. they're all obliged to do something about continually updating their values and staying with the programme. Have a plan B or this could be very stressful for you. This fear about your children being singled out or victimised for being 'different' is absolutely horrible, I do sympathise. And they're so little..

We live in a rural area, but there really is a huge diversity of family structures and adult relationships in our area that aren't seen as any kind of 'issue' or of particular interest, tbh. If you've been gossipped about because of your personal life, it is easy to get v worried about how the other children or families at school may view you and your DCs. Please try hard not to worry too much if your first choice doesn't come off, little children are just little children, and they pretty much always view each other as just that. It's the adults around them that project stuff that need enlightening, if anything.

Good luck!

lol defineme - yep it is a bugger :o

You're right re the teacher being most important - I liked the head of early years who showed me round.

The nursery the boys are at is totally fab - which is part of my problem in a way, as I want to keep them in it!

missmehalia - I agree re the kids - it's the grown ups I worry about lol. I've had nothing but goodwill actually - and I think being open is part of the key... you can't gossip that successfully if the person is open about their difference. I guess it all feels a bit out of my control (never good!).

oh, and re housing - I don't think the council will help as I bought my flat (well have a mortgage) so not their responsibility even if we are overcrowded :(

Could you rent your flat out for 6 months and rent in the cachement area in order to get in? Drastic but I know parents who have done this.
If your child has to go to the other school keep phoning and hassling the LEA and you may get a place by the end of September - not everyone who accepts a place at a school always turns up. The LEA hold the place for a few weeks and then offer it to someone on the waiting list.

I was told that it was unlikely my DD would have a place at the local schools (when we moved city) for perhaps years to come - she was actually offered a place at our 1st choice the first week of October after phoning the LEA several times in September and she was not the only one who got a place late this way. A lot of other parents on the list had taken other places and accepted it or didn't want to move when their child was just settling in to one place or had gone private, moved etc.

good luck

not sure if the renting flat out for 6 months and renting in catchment area is right or fair, i knew of people who did this to try and bypass the admission rules when i couldnt get dd into nearest suitable school for her disabilities (also unfortunately for me it was most popular school in area so everybody wants places!).if you are that desperate then do it legitimately and move into catchment area properly.

Besides the morals involved , a lot of schools are wise to that now. They may require you to have severed all ties with the old flat you were renting out, or to have been renting for some time to qualify. You need to check with the school.

Couldn't afford to and agree I'm not sure how ethical it is... just means those with money have more choices... plus ca change, eh?

Hassling the LEA on the other hand is much more up my street :o

why hassle them ? it seems to me a lot of people fight for equal rights in terms of sexuality etc and want to be treated same as everybody else yet then use those same reasons to try and get special treatment when it suits them? whilst i appreiciate your difficult circumstances i bet there are a fair number of other households be they married/single/whatever that have problems about school places, that is why there are admission rules and sometimes it is unfair if you dont get the school place you want but most primary schools are reasonably good and iam sure they would all be understanding of your circumstances

really ariane5?

I don't want special treatment. Where did I say that? I want a school which understands my family and basically doesn't allow homophobia. Stonewall did some research (Different Families: The experiences of children with lesbian and gay parents (2010)) which you can download from here:
www.stonewall.org.uk/what_we_do/2583.asp

which shows that some schools are doing things well for children of Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual (LGB) parents and some really are not. If you are LGB, getting your child into one of the schools that are doing it right really does feel pretty crucial.