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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Want to keep ds part time for longer, school want him to go full time

46 replies

emkana · 07/01/2011 21:42

He is4.6 and in reception, has short-limbed dwarfism and is developmentally delayed. Still in nappies. He is doing fine at school but his behaviour at home at the end od last term was appalling due to being so tired. In the morning he keeps repeating the same two sentences "mummy pick me up later, mummy go home and tidy up" because he is so anxious about going. The thing is when at school he totally conforms, which is why I think the school don't see what the problem is. They think its not doing him any favours to keep him part time - I pick him up at lunchtime every day. Should I stick to my guns.

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 22:24

.

OP posts:
cece · 07/01/2011 22:26

Perhaps you could try it for say a month and then review the situation.

moaningminniewhingesagain · 07/01/2011 22:26

I think you know him best. If he is too tired, keep it PT, he isn't legally required to be at school yet at 4.6, so I would trust your instincts.

compo · 07/01/2011 22:27

But it sounds like he's asking you to pick him up later because he wants to stay all day? Or have I misunderstood?

Btw I can't believe he's 4.6! I remember when you were pregnant with him!

Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 22:29

No he means he wants to be picked up at lunchtime.

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moondog · 07/01/2011 22:31

I think you should bite the bullet and let him go f/t.
He needs to be treated like everyone else and to be part of the general flow of action.
It is terribly disruptive and disorienting for children to have p/t placements. After many years of seeing it in many contexts, i have come to the conclusion it doesn't work.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 07/01/2011 22:31

I would trust your instincts tbh.

(btw I had a bizarre dream last night in which you appeared Emkana -well not you - but your username and it was linked to MN).

Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 22:33

Ooh intriguing baroqin, tell me more!

Moondog, the thing is he is in every way like a child of about 18 months younger - who wouldn't be expected to be in school at all yet.

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PrettyCandles · 07/01/2011 22:37

Would it help if he went to bed earlier, or had a short nap as soon as he came home after a full day at school?

Are the rest of his class full-time?

My 4.3yo says similar things when I drop him off at nursery, even though he is completely settled and no longer at all anxious. It's become part of the 'saying goodbye to mummy' routine. He says completely different things when dh drops him off.

moondog · 07/01/2011 22:37

Well of course you are his mother and you have to follow your instinct but the fact remains that there will come a time (for all of us) when we/you have to stop being overprotective and just grit your teeth and let him go it alone.

If he is not there with the other kids f/t he is missing out on experiences with them and (much as I hate the word) 'bonding'.

FWIW, my own dd attended a unit p/t for SLI and I bitterly regret it. It left her out of synch as she wasn't with her peers for the whole school day.

Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 22:44

I'm not sure how much ds cares about the other children tbh.

OP posts:
moondog · 07/01/2011 22:47

Well, the more time he spends away from them, the less he will care.
It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

Think hard.

XX

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 07/01/2011 22:49

tbh if he's in every way like a child of 3yrs old rather than 4 1/2yrs it makes more sense to keep him p/t. Obviously as he gets older (even if if his delay stays the same - 18 months) the "difference" between him and his peers will become less. You wouldn't expect a 3yr old to go full time in school - and he doesn't even legally have to be there at all yet.

the dream - it was most odd. I had a knock at the door and it was a parcel with "The person who mumsnets in the house" on it (instead of The Mumsnetter of the House" as was on the Secret Santa parcels). In the dream it was after the New year and I was most puzzled. I opened the box and it was really badly packed - and contain loads of loose lego, and a particular shortbread tin which we used to keep lego in. I found a card in there and it was just "from Emkana". Closer inspection of the box revealed it was stuff that is actually (in real life - not in a dream) still sitting in my exH's shed right now waiting for him to drop it round (lego -and the afore mentioned shortbread tin and a few other bits).

Then I looked at the packaging and realised it had been hand delivered Confused. But it definitely said "from Emkana" and the mumsnet thing on the box Grin

and - ermm that was it.

DreamTeamGirl · 07/01/2011 22:53

Hiya
I dont know anything about your DS or his extra needs, but as far as I could tell at our school every child in YR and Y1 was exhausted at the end of the last term and grumpy with it, so it may be just that.

Could you try letting him go full time 2 days a week for the next half term then build it up from there?

Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 23:08

Well baroqin I feel strangely flattered that yourbdream featured me Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 23:09

Still thinking...
Children sometimes join schools later for various reasons, still integrate and make friends...so why should ds not be able to?

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moondog · 07/01/2011 23:10

That's starting from afresh. A clean slate. Not being a half presence over a long period of time.

PixieOnaLeaf · 07/01/2011 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 07/01/2011 23:24

I nearly started a thread this morning to tell you as it was such a clear dream.........then I thought no - I'll just look like a nutter Grin

Goodness only knows why you were having a Mumsnet SS parcel hand delivered to me containing stuff that's still at my ex's round the corner LOL

PrettyCandles · 07/01/2011 23:54

Integrating with the other children is why I asked whether the others go full-time. As long as some are still part-time he won't be any different to the norm.

If he is in every way like a 3yo, then it's very tough on him to have to be treated like a 4yo. My 4yo is very big, and people always think he is at least a year, or even two years, older than his age. They treat him as an older child and expect more mature behaviour from him. I doubt anyone would consider it reasonable say "well, that's too bad, but because he looks like a 5yo he should behave like one, even though he's only 3". Which is, effectively, what obliging a developmentally-3yo child to do is if they are expected to do a full school day.

Original poster
emkana · 08/01/2011 00:01

He's the only part timer. I didn't really want ds to have to start school at all, and thought part-time was a good compromise.

Lunch is at 12.30 for an hour, so he only misses 90 mins of actual class time. Another worry for me is that he takes ages to eat his lunch, and how he'd cope with lunchtime play, when the whole school is out - 270 children, but only lunchtime supervisors no teachers in the playground, so nobody he's familiar with.

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Saracen · 08/01/2011 06:40

"I didn't really want ds to have to start school at all"

Why did you decide to send your son after all: what benefits did you see in sending him to school now rather than waiting? Do you feel those benefits have been realised and that they outweigh his tiredness and anxiety?

It isn't too late. If this doesn't feel right, you could take him out of school for now.

PrettyCandles · 08/01/2011 08:01

What does the SENCO say?

Original poster
emkana · 08/01/2011 08:07

I havent spoken to her for a while, so far she's always been supportive of myndecision. I decided to send him so that he would get to know some of the school routines and his classmates and overall I think it has worked, he's enjoyed school more than preschool. Was just thinking this morning, in December he went in for a few afternoons to take part in the Christmas play, and that's when his behaviour at home got really bad! Too tiring?

I had even been thinking about asking about flexi-schooling in for year one.

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crazygracieuk · 08/01/2011 09:58

I think the tiredness is normal but you know your dc best and you should trust your instinct. If you are not going to he, one of your options might even be to do lunch + afternoon lessons or going full days half of the week.
My son is in Reception and I know of one girls who does 5 half days and a boy who does 4 full ones and relaxes and gangs out with younger friends on day 5. Luckily our school is reasonable with Reception kids.