Want to keep ds part time for longer, school want him to go full time

[emkana]

He is4.6 and in reception, has short-limbed dwarfism and is developmentally delayed. Still in nappies. He is doing fine at school but his behaviour at home at the end od last term was appalling due to being so tired. In the morning he keeps repeating the same two sentences "mummy pick me up later, mummy go home and tidy up" because he is so anxious about going. The thing is when at school he totally conforms, which is why I think the school don't see what the problem is. They think its not doing him any favours to keep him part time - I pick him up at lunchtime every day. Should I stick to my guns.

Too tired by the full days preparing for the show, or confused by the change in routine?

My eldest is the sort who really needs routine and needs to understand what is going on. He used to find the last weeks of term increasingly confusing, as the usual school routines were changed.

Would it be an option to gradually extend his day rather than go full time in one big step?
Say pick him up after lunch the first week and then afternoon break for a few weeks then full time by the end of term

I agree with mrz. Alternatively, could you do 3 full days at the beginning of the week, and two half days at the end of the week when he is tired, and gradually build up to full time?

I think you need to go and chat it through with the SENCO as well.

I think by increasing his hours gradually you will help him to build up his stamina to cope with f/t school.

I agree with starting with him staying for lunch and you collecting him after lunch for a few weeks. Then if he copes well with that, let him stay until the end of the day/afternoon break.

The pre-Christmas period in school is manic and crazy and most children find this tiring. It is also at the end of th therm when most pupils are already tired.

Does it have to be all or nothing? In ds1's reception year, some of the children were only doing 2 whole days/3 half days until after Easter (they were late birthdays).

Maybe he could try staying for lunch a couple of times, then until afternoon break one day a week, stretching it out slowly?

You know your child best though, and if he's not ready yet he's not ready. He will have to be full time (unless you have the flexi-school agreement in place already) from when he turns 5 though.

Thanks for all your thoughts. Finding it really hard to decide.

Hi emkana, it's really hard, isn't it? My dd is the same age (July born) and also in reception. Until she started school, she still had a nap every day for 2 hours and I was terrified about how she would cope at school. She also has medical issues (hypotonia and hypermobility) which tire her out more easily than other children. At my dd's school, they did 3 weeks part time in September and then all went full time. I decided to go with this and just play it by ear, prepared to take her out if needs be if she really couldn't cope. She did the whole of last term ok - although the behaviour at home has definitely deteriorated and she is completely exhausted. However, I am perservering with it because, as a pp has said, all the children seem to be tired - even those who do not have any special needs. My dd still has a nap on Saturdays and Sundays to catch up...and I will take her out for the odd day or afternoon this term if I think she is getting too tired. Sorry for waffling on - not sure this has helped at all but just thought I'd share my experience. Good luck.

I'm guessing that whatever decision you make doesn't need to be permanent? Could you, for example, have a trial period of a month or so where he does maybe full days Mon and Wed and mornings only Tue, Thur and Fri and have regular meetings with the SENCO through this month?

If he does better than you expect, you could extend for another month. If he has not coped, then at least you can say you've tried it and it hasn't worked this time.

Just a thought.

I have to say that I agree with moondog. By making him p/t his peers will notice and therefore he will probably find it harder to integrate because he will miss certain aspects of the class activities. A child at 3 often will go to full time nursery or pre-school if parents work and most older nursery classes or pre-schools do not provide sleep facilities. The less he has sleep wise, the less he will need. I do empathise because I felt this way when dd1 went to pre-school for whole days, as she still slept if given the chance in the afternoon.
I say try it and see for a few weeks.

" The less he has sleep wise, the less he will need. ". not convinced. IMO a young child who naps in the day and sleeps well at night still needs his naps. My ds1 was also napping for 1.5-2h almost every day until reception (full-time from day 1). He napped weekends, and slept 12h every night, eventually dropping his nap halfway through Y1. If he was not tired he would not have slept. By Y2 his need for sleep had changed drastically, and ever since (now Y5) he has slept 8-9h every night.

A child who is at the developmental level of still needing naps is not going to stop needing them jet because he is not allowed to nap.

I don't understand why Emkana's ds has to start school now. Yes, he is approaching school age physically, but surely his education should reflect his ability? Is there no room for discretion and flexibility? Why can't he start reception next year, when he may be more ready?

I taught a little girl a few years ago who sounds very similar to your son developmentally. We wanted her to continue PT but her mum was totally against this option. I finally persuaded her to continue PT for the first term but as has been said the other members of class found it very difficult to accept her as part of the class (perhaps more so because we have mixed nursery and reception children attending) so it can be a factor.

The tiredness doesn't show itself in more sleep but in the frequent meltdowns and constant crying.

PC, unfortunately when you're four you have to go to school in this country, no flexibility.

No you don't have to go to school until the term after your fifth birthday that is the law.

With my two I agreed for them to go full time when the school suggested but if they were tired, I kept them off on the occasional Friday. Could you try that?

I thinkt hat it's important that they do at least some full days whent he others are, or they miss out on whatever happens in the afternoons - which is often very different from morning stuff.

13lucky - I had similar issues with DS2 (also has hypotonia and hypermobility syndrome). Unfortunately, he has a November birthday, and as such was expected to be in school FT from the September (school only had one intake, FT in September). He was so tired in the first term of Reception that he was asleep on the desk after lunch! In the end the school provided him with a beanbag to sleep on in the book corner!

He stayed FT as the school gave me no option. He had an hours' nap after school every day all the way through Reception, and still slept 7pm-7am every day. He dropped the nap after the Easter of Y1 unless he had afternoon PE, but would still 'doze' on the table at school in the afternoon if he had morning PE.

It's only now that he is in Y2 that he is able to get through an entire school day without sleeping until bedtime.

To the OP - I think if you can get the school to agree, it may be best if you start a 'planned' merge into FT schooling, maybe pick one day a week to stay all day to start with, and gradually over the next term, build up to staying every day, as he will have to be FT by the time he is 5yo.

It's not ideal, especially when you have a dc that is developmentally delaye, but the school system doesn't make any real allowances for that. You will fin that your dc will either need an after school nap, or an earlier bedtime, for at least the next year or so, but it should level out by the end of Y2.

From our council's schools admissions website:

Can my child start school earlier or later than normal?

Requests from parents for school places outside a normal age group will be considered carefully, ...for those who have experienced problems, eg having missed education due to ill health etc.

Each case will be considered on its own merits and circumstances, but will not be considered by Children's Services without a consensus that to do so would be in the pupil's interests. Such a consensus would be reached between the parents, schools concerned ... and any relevant professionals asked for their opinion on the case by Children's Services.

Surely this means you can requested deferred entry, and have very strong grounds for doing so?

Why should your child have to constantly struggle to keep up with the class, when in a year's time he might be able to hold his own and be a fully participating member of the school community?

And if he's 4.6 then presumably his birthday is in June or July? In which case he is not obliged to be at school full-time until September next year.

Our schools have resource units for children with autism, Aspergers, and behavioural SNs. These children spend various degrees of time in both the resource or mainstream. AFAIK all the children who eventually move from part-time in each to full-time in the mainstream school have integrated well. It is part of the school's role to help these children integrate well.

Emkana, I would trust your instincts.
My dd has Asperger's and for various reasons really, really struggles with school and is also exhausted at the end if the day, so I know where you are coming from.

What I found almost as hard as seeing dd so weepy and exhausted was the pressure and comments from teaching staff, professionals;etc -which I am ashamed to say I gave into. I sent her back full time into school when she wasn't ready and it made things much worse.

Now I'm not suggesting this is the case for your ds, but that you know him better than anyone and you and your family are the people dealing with the fall out after school.

I agree that all Reception and Year 1 children are exhausted at this time of year (DD2 is in Y1) but your son has additional needs to these children and his day, at the moment, is a bit more challenging.

I was given so many opinions and different viewpoints that my head was spinning and I didn't now where to turn. In the end, I wish I had just gone with my instincts -they turned out to be right.

Good luck, hope you manage to get things sorted x

Being allowed to start at five is o god though if you have to go straight into year one. Ed psych said to us that ds wouldn't be allowed to be deferred as his problems are not severe enough.

18m developmental delay is not severe enough for him to be allowed to start Reception 12m late?

My dd2 continued to be part time for the whole of the Summer term after she was 5. We gradually built up to full time by adding in afternoons until she was full time but did this at a pace which was right for her. She has ASD. The school were very happy to go with this and we eventually persuaded the local authority to allow her to repeat reception this year. FWIW we had no problems with her being accepted by her peers. Going at this pace also worked well for the teacher as she had time to get to know dd2 and put the right strategies in place for her. Local authorities hate children staying back and we were initially told no chance. I persisted though and asked lots of questions about whether dd2 had met the required standards to access the year 1 curriculum. It was clear she was nowhere near them.