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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

My kid wants to quit school- but I think he has a point- HELP!

50 replies

curlycousin · 28/12/2010 21:30

First I must confess that we had a year out last year, travelling and tutoring as we went, eclectic mix of subjects and covering nat cur topics that he would have missed. Great experience, meant the world to all of the family and the idea was to step back into Mainstream school - but we have a big problem.....
Tonight I have been told this.... "i like school, it's a great place to play with friends, but honestly I am not learning anything. Every day it is as though my brain is a chocolate cookie and the teachers break a bit off and throw it away - mum they don't even take a look at it before it goes in the bin. They don't care about what I know or what I think, they just want me to sit still and do as they say. I am not learning anything at all, except swear words from the other kids. They are really nice but it is as though they have just given up their brains and have stopped thinking. I don't want to go to school, i don't want to think what they tell me to think."
I am asking you honestly please, can someone tell me what on earth I should do? Do I find another school or is he unschoolable. They are quite happy with him at school, although say he doesn't concentrate sometimes, but his work is good.

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thisisyesterday · 28/12/2010 21:34

if you think he has a point and you'd be happy to home educate then why not try that for a while?

otherwise, if it's do-able, why not look around some other schools and see if there is one that you feel is better suited to him?

how old is he?

raspberryroo · 28/12/2010 21:35

Homeschool - surprised you don't anyway

FrostyAndSlippery · 28/12/2010 21:36

Wow! He said all that... What an articulate lad :)

Can you homeschool - it sounds like he's motivated enough for it to be successful.

perfectstorm · 28/12/2010 21:37

Is it possible that he's not being stretched enough, and needs to be either at a different school or in a higher class at this one?

Unfortunately learning to deal with boredom and powering past it is a life skill, and after an exciting year of adventure it is one he may need to rediscover, but there is a difference between finding sustained concentration on the unpalatable hard (something we all need to learn to do), and being asked to learn things that are either tediously taught, or insultingly basic. I also note that he says they don't care what he knows/thinks - is it possible that after a year of one-to-one tuition he is struggling with learning alongside others - sharing the journey? Or is the class being taught in such a rote way that he's actually right to complain?

In essence I think you need to find out if he is being stretched and doesn't like it, or if he isn't being stretched and wants to be. If the former, moving may not solve the issue. If the latter, then yes, it might.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 28/12/2010 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Desiderata · 28/12/2010 21:39

We need to know how old he is.

Original poster

curlycousin · 28/12/2010 21:43

Oh wow, thank you, i have never posted before what fantastic comments

He is 9. I have just fallen back into work and could probably afford private school - he is in the little middle school within walking distance of home - will private school give him what he is looking for?

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 28/12/2010 21:44

a private school may have smaller classes, and thus more time for a teacher to spend with each pupil individually.
they may be more "academic" and so push him a bit more

but it's something you'd need to look into... visit some and see what you think

i wouldn't rule out other state schools either though, if you have any other options

Desiderata · 28/12/2010 21:44

That's for your to decide.

Desiderata · 28/12/2010 21:45

.. or even 'you'

If you can afford it, go for it.

Original poster

curlycousin · 28/12/2010 21:57

Perfectstorm that's incredible insight. Yes you have outlined the problem well. I know that he definitely isn't finding anything a stretch at school as he asks for work as he gets in the door..... I also know that there are lots of more mundane things (like handwriting and hymn practice) that are part of life and school but have been labelled as 'boring' simply because perhaps he hasn't chosen them.... Its all very confusing

OP posts:

raspberryroo · 28/12/2010 22:10

Private schools vary so much - he may find a very academic traditional one stretching or restrictive and again he may find a progressive school not intense enough. It depends what schools are near you and what you are prepared to pay.

Desiderata · 28/12/2010 22:11

I think Curly has you there, OP.

Just get him to school, and yourself to the hairdressers, and therein lies the answer.

BoffinMum · 28/12/2010 22:17

Prep school to Bedales would sort him.

perfectstorm · 28/12/2010 22:24

If he's asking for more work when he gets in the door and you have the money, then private, definitely. I was state primary, and a good one, but there was a leap when I went to a good private secondary.

I would have a think about your values, though, and find a school that matches them. I mean, if you like progressive and adventurous, a traditional prep might be purgatory for you and confusing for your son. Maybe post a thread explaining what you would ideally want, in the Mumsnet local board for your area as well as headlining the area, and that you want a private primary, on the education threads? It would give you somewhere to start from, and you could then go and visit the schools in person and see what they can do.

School years are too long to be bored all the time. There is avoidable and unavoidable dullness, and the former is most definitely not ideal unless he is going to be turned off education completely. 9 is rather young for that, and it's good you've caught it early.

perfectstorm · 28/12/2010 22:28

Sorry, tired and incoherent: I am suggesting you post 2 threads, 1 on the Mumsnet local for your area, and another on the education board. You can say what you want in both, but that way you are likely to get the widest range of views (some mothers with good local knowledge may not post or read on education because their kids are settled already).

hellymelly · 28/12/2010 22:30

Well my very bright Godson was bored rigid at his primary and playing up a lot,is now at a very small prep with a class of ten and thriving,he is on the G+T reg now.After your boy's experience last year I can see he would find going back to school a trial-he sounds more mature than the average nine year old,perhaps because of last year,and may resent the powerlessness of primary school now.If you like his school and his teachers then talk to them,but think about home ed or a small private school if you can afford it,as he sounds interesting and bright,and maybe needs a more creative learning experience.

mamatomany · 28/12/2010 22:38

I agree prep school, honestly I'd sleep in a cardboard box to keep mine at theirs, the difference is out of this world.

hellymelly · 28/12/2010 22:45

In fact am facing a similar problem with my year one DD who we've just removed from school as she was so unhappy.Have been mulling over private but for us that would mean a move some distance away and we are very happy in our village so its tricky.I love our local primary,but schools don't and can't suit all children all of the time,its always a question of horses for courses.

activate · 28/12/2010 22:49

Well I wouldn't jump straight to private school tbh but I would go in and speak to head and see what they suggest / do about it

He does sound articulate and expresses his POV well, I find it difficult to believe that he is learning nothing though not after a year out - it will be bloody dull in comparison to travelling education though

find out what his school can suggest / do about it and ten consider from there

jollyoldstnickschick · 28/12/2010 22:58

My youngest ds is HE,when weve visited schools for concerts or gone along with friends for open days (i also have strong connections to a local primary school)ds always says 'they all have to think the same',when he plays with his friends their Mums always say how articulate and bright he is,during the holidays his friends childminder fell ill and he had to stay at ours unfortunately for him we were still 'at school' he learnt far more in that week and enjoyed learning it his Mum told me.

I think school is a fab place for children to be but sometimes its not the best.

The problem I have is ds is coming up to secondary and I dont know if I can take him through those years but is school an option at this stage?

mamatomany · 28/12/2010 23:00

find out what his school can suggest / do about it and ten consider from there.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation, bet they blame you for taking the year out.

SingleDadio · 29/12/2010 05:07

Curlycousin, it really doesn't sound like the best school for your son. I know in my school we constantly go from what the children want to learn with all our topics. We spend ages discussion what they already know and what they would enjoy learning about. We then plan accordingly, linking in the skills that the children need to cover.

He is obviously not being engaged with the curriculum, so I would be speaking to the school about this and explaining his issues. A classroom will never be able to replicate the experience you gave your son when HE and travelling but they should be able to use these experiences.

I'd be careful though as well that your son (as said earlier) doesn't become cocky about these sort of things and realises that being bored is a life skill. I know that my in my brother's place of work, he spends lots of his time not engaged and bored but does the job because he has to.

As for 'thinking what they tell me to think' - This is concerning. I'd unpick this more with him. Is it actually 'I don't want to do as I'm told'. The school shouldn't be telling him 'what to think' and I've rarely seen one that does. Teachers are there to 'teach' skills and engage in learning, they aren't their to force children to think or believe particular things.

seeker · 29/12/2010 05:45

Must he a very odd primary school if "they all have to think the same"

If my child said thia, I might suspect he meant "Sometimes we all have to do the same thing at the same time when I would rather be doig something else" Particularly after a fabulous free wheeling travelling year.

mummytime · 29/12/2010 09:29

Don't just jump assuming private will be better. Look around and see what other schools in your area offer. He may even find a more off the wall school stretches him more (found in both State and Private). Good luck.

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