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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Anybody else's experiences with boys in reception?

34 replies

emy72 · 15/12/2010 13:45

My DS started reception this year and is an August born, so very young. No problems on our part or the teacher's, he is bright, very articulate and getting to grips with the basics.

But he is really not happy with his status as a "boy". It's been a progressive thing but it has become obvious that girls in his class are definitely higher in the pecking order. The teacher openly admits that she prefers girls to boys.

This has meant that his confidence is slowly being eroded, but worse he keeps saying he wants to be a girl. He says that girls are allowed to do x y and z and boys aren't.

That he wishes he was born a girl as girls get x y and z. This has been going on more and more and I don't know what to do. Also this is compounded by the fact that he is not a rough and tumble kind of boy, but a very gentle soul who likes books, writing and dressing up. He is also incredibly sensitive.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing and how did they deal with it?

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bumpybecky · 15/12/2010 13:47

I've not experienced that and am that the teacher openly admits having a preference!

Have you spoken to her about the things your ds has been saying?

PoppetUK · 15/12/2010 14:00

My little one is just like yours. Very sensitive, gentle, starting to read and write etc. I have not noticed that a teacher prefers one sex to another.

Perhaps you could just reflect your child's feelings to the teaching in a casual way to start with without aiming it at her directly but it doesn't seem like some sort of dynamic might be going on in the classroom. Good luck x

AMumInScotland · 15/12/2010 14:00

I would go to the head teacher and tell them about this, and ask what they plan to do about it? No way should any teacher be openly expressing a preference for girls over boys, or vice versa. If a male teacher was telling your dd that boys were better, I'm sure you wouldn't hesitate to go and complain about the sexism. This is just the same.

PoppetUK · 15/12/2010 14:00

Sorry I meant does seem......

Original poster

emy72 · 15/12/2010 14:03

I know, it is really very obvious. I intend to speak to her after the Christmas break..

I am not sure if this is having an effect or there are other things at play. I was wondering whether other people had any experiences of something similar.

I had a DD with this teacher last year so I am really seeing it from the other side of the fence now, and it's not very nice!

OP posts:

IAPJJLPJ · 15/12/2010 14:30

i would not be waiting till after Christmas to speak with her. She then has xmas to "reflect" and get right from the start of next term.

You need actually examples - have you got any?

My ds1 yr1 teacher was exactly the same and it affected him badly. We realised it to late to do anything :(

IndigoBell · 15/12/2010 14:36

At that age my DS2 really wanted to be a girl. He loved Angelina Ballerina, did ballet, wore his sister's clothes. The works.

During reception he grew out of it. And now vehemently denies it ever happened.

jacquiel · 15/12/2010 14:54

My son at that age had his favourite colour pink, dressed up in tutus and nurses outfits etc - have the photos to prove it - a very girly phase lasted for about 18 months.
He is now 15 and thinks it is funny looking at the photos - but would kill me for showing his mates!

The teacher side of things needs addressing - they should be treating them as individuals!!

BeenBeta · 15/12/2010 15:04

Our DSs are age 8 and 10 and in a school that is 80% girls. They say the all female teaching staff definitley favour the girls. Boys get told off for things that girls are allowed to do. Girls get praise but the boys dont. I am never sure whether to believe them but they say one female teacher in particular is very obviously pro-girls and anti-boys.

Our boys are also very gentle and sensitive and they were in another school when they were in Reception, again predominantly a girls school, where this favouring didnt happen.

I would have a word with the Head. I am astonished the teacher says she prefers girls.

DisparityCausesInstability · 15/12/2010 15:05

My boy is also into girly things - will watch all the Disney princess/fairy thing with his sister - he doesn't like conventially boys things - my biggest worry is that he doesn't form friendships with any boys.
Teachers often have a reputation for disliking boys but I yet to hear them admit it to the class.

BeenBeta · 15/12/2010 15:09

Incidentally, DS2 used to enjoy dressing up and making necklaces and DS1 persuaded the few boys in his class to wear netball skirts last year so the boys could play on the netball team in house competitions with the girls. He also prefers hockey to rugby.

That said, neither would be seen dead wearing pink - 'coz its for girls'.

jacquiel · 15/12/2010 15:16

About the friendship with girls vs boys - my ds is now 15 and he didnt have ANY boy friends until he was in Year 8! And now he has about 50:50 but the girls all love him - which he obviously likes - he is sensitive and gentle.

Original poster

emy72 · 15/12/2010 15:51

Oh maybe I am reassured then....

The teacher said to me "I know I am sexist but I do prefer girls to boys". I don't know how this translates in the class. I never worried about it, as I thought that it was a throwaway comment. Maybe it was. Who knows?

My son seems happy enough, but he's had some very wobbly moments. This girl thing has raised his head recently - it's not really about liking pink or liking girly things - it's more his perception that girls are far superior than boys.

I guess some of the girls in his class are probably very advanced in comparison to him, so this might be compounding it. It could just be his own observation, rather than something the teacher says or does?

Anyway, I will keep a close eye on it, I am reassured that other people have had something vaguely similar anyway...

OP posts:

princessparty · 15/12/2010 18:12

As a mum of 2 (gentle) boys and 2 girls I can say catagorically that IME the vasy majority of staff in schools favour girls.Most of them of course (quite rightly) wouldn't ever admit it, but it's sadly true

BeenBeta · 15/12/2010 18:40

Why?

panettoinydog · 15/12/2010 18:53

I would be pissed off if a teacher said something along those lines to me and I'd tell her so.

panettoinydog · 15/12/2010 18:54

princess, baloney

Littlefish · 15/12/2010 20:35

I would be absolutely horrified if a teacher said that to me. Please go and speak to the headteacher about it.

The teacher should not be expressing preferences like this, either verbally or in the way that she deals with children.

It sounds like she needs additional training in how to support the education of all children.

Princess - I also disagree with you.

LynetteScavo · 15/12/2010 20:40

princess, I don't agree.

DisparityCausesInstability · 15/12/2010 21:36

I agree with Princess - many of the teachers at our school are known for it - I have yet to hear any parent say that teacher prefers boys. They prefer girls because the girls are eager to please and more studious. If you don't believe princess I think you've been very lucky in not coming across a teacher who likes to teach girls because they are easier.

cornonthecob · 16/12/2010 06:53

I don't think teachers should be expressing preferences to gender or anyone else tbh! Can't say I'm surpised teacher is female! A male teacher would never dare admit he had a preference!!

If teachers do indeed favour girls then it's no wonder boys will act out! Very sad.

SantasMooningArse · 16/12/2010 07:00

We've had teachers express a preference in very boy - heavy classes (although I do wonder if it's more a faux pas based on an assumption that having four boys i would have wanted some girls- not aprticularly).

but ds3 is very feminine (he has ASD but that is not common particualrly in asd so unrelated I think). Likes pink, girl's toys, etc. Just the way he is built.

IAPJJLPJ · 16/12/2010 07:08

our yr 1 teacher was very vocal in her preference. "I prefer girls - they are the ones i give all the rewards to...."

It was a BAD year teaching wise

AMumInScotland · 16/12/2010 11:36

I don't think there's anything terribly wrong in having a preference - same as secretly finding you get on better with one of your own children - but the important thing is that the children should never see it. If the children all know that Miss X prefers the girls and treats them differently, then there is a problem with her behaviour and she needs to be pulled up on it. If she just privately went home muttering to herself about "bloody boys" but treated them all the same in class, she could have as strong a preference as she liked.

jonicomelately · 16/12/2010 11:43

DS1's reception teacher was also well known for her preference for girls

This is extremely unprofessional, inappropriate and damaging for boys. DS1 was a very well behaved little boy. God only knows how the lively ones fared

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