Anybody else's experiences with boys in reception?

[emy72]

My DS started reception this year and is an August born, so very young. No problems on our part or the teacher's, he is bright, very articulate and getting to grips with the basics.

But he is really not happy with his status as a "boy". It's been a progressive thing but it has become obvious that girls in his class are definitely higher in the pecking order. The teacher openly admits that she prefers girls to boys.

This has meant that his confidence is slowly being eroded, but worse he keeps saying he wants to be a girl. He says that girls are allowed to do x y and z and boys aren't.

That he wishes he was born a girl as girls get x y and z. This has been going on more and more and I don't know what to do. Also this is compounded by the fact that he is not a rough and tumble kind of boy, but a very gentle soul who likes books, writing and dressing up. He is also incredibly sensitive.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing and how did they deal with it?

I think this IS very prevalent amongst infant school teachers. Boys at this age tend to be difficult to manage in large classrooms - they want to run around and make a lot of noise! And they can't. Girls are easier to manage, because they are happy to sit and colour (sometimes).

I have two boys 11 & 8 now, also not 'rough & tumble' types and I think they found it took them until about Year 2/Year 3 to 'find themselves' and realise it's OK to not like football, or to like art etc, and to settle down and gain the maturity to concentrate/ listen to the teacher etc.

I find that parents and teachers without much experience of boys can find their behaviour difficult to understand and manage.

I would definitely be raising it as an issue though...

Indigobell. You make me feel heaps better. My DS is into dressing up in his sisters clothes. Yesterday we had him in a rumba flameco spanish dress. His ballet is beautiful to. After he had the dress on and I asked him to take it off he continue to dance but naked. Needless to say I asked him to stick a pair of jocks on just so I could actually record it. He's a natural :) I am hoping that he grows out of it a bit by the end of reception.

I think it's true for a lot of teachers. Girls, on the whole, obviously not every single girl, find it easier to sit down and concentrate at an earlier age, are more likely to do what they are told, aren't so boisterous.

Most teachers don't actually tell the class that they prefer girls, but as boys get older they can definitely tell. I have 2 DSs and 1 DD and they all agree on that. My DD could get away with things that my DSs couldn't.

As this teacher has actually told the class that she prefers girls I would take it further. I would speak to her about it before Xmas and take it to the head if nothing changes.

Children have a very good sense of fair play and your DS will notice if things don't change in the New Year.

I don't think it's actually that abnormal for a boy to go through a stage of wondering what it would be like to be a girl, and vice versa. It's a shame if it is on the basis of the perspective that girls or women are somehow superior, rather than just different, and should definitely be raised with the teacher. I think the problem with even sub-consciously preferring one sex over the other is that you reward both sexes for the characteristics you approve of, resulting in the more sensitive boys possibly becoming uncertain as to whether they might have been better off and more comfortable in themselves being born girls! What your ds needs is affirmation that he is a perfectly lovely boy, and that the definition of a boy is not a scruffy football hooligan... he can have many characterisics in common with the girls in his class without having to be one.

Good post rabbistew, thanks. I now need to work with the teacher I think to understand how to achieve it...

My dd teacher (who was a personal friend before teaching dd) claimed a class with higher boy ratio was better from a social leveling perspective ie less cattiness but girls took to learning easier at first but it would even out in time Boys need more engagement directed at them, thier interests rather than at general learnin.g Im happy my dd class is higher in boys 17/11 and think she has a point I have a ds too tho he is pre school but they are certainly very different in learning style

Great poSt Rabbitstew!! In the first part of my career I found (and still do) that some female staff took a disliking to boys that I had lots of time for. I really enjoy teaching challenging boys and girls but found some people I taught with would refer to these boys as 'unteachable'. I think some (not all) staff do find boys or girls easier to teach. To be honest I prefer boys because I find it difficult to build relationships with the girls in the same way. However I make sure I teach all children in the same way.

It can swing the other way where I've seen boys fighting with teachers saying 'their just being boys' but they wouldn't dream of letting girls do the same. I worked in a school once that had football mon- thurs for boys and Friday for girls.

Ds2's (year 2) teacher prefers girls - it's openly known at the school. Apparently when she found out she was getting their class (way more boys than girls) she made her feelings known.

I did feel sad on the last day of term, as they were leaving all the boys got a goodbye, all the girls got a little hug.

I'm lucky ds2 is a very well-behaved and calm boy, apparently some of the livelier boys get a very hard time from her.

Your poor boy!

My DS's teacher is great - very good at chanelling the boys' energy in academic ways, so they're learning, but think they're playing rough, tough boys' games. He's got much more boyish at school, actually - hangs around with a little group of lads in a quite girly class. So sort of the opposite to your DS's experience.

In fact, I think I read somewhere that 4-5 is when the testoterone kicks in, certainly in my DS's case, he's got much more into running around and general 'boy stuff' in the last few months.

Shame about your DS's teacher - little kids should feel happy to be themselves, not try to fit into a teacher's pre-determined mould. :(