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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Teachers - do you get upset by this?

87 replies

Lara2 · 02/12/2010 18:14

I've been teaching for over 20 years now and am constantly surprised (I bloody well shouldn't be)how awful some parents are to their children.

We've been rehersing our nativity and have doled out all the tickets. We had a few left and asked one parent (who has 2 of her boys in it - Y1 and Y2) if she wanted some tickets, as she hadn't put in a request and we were about to dish out the last few. She said she wasn't coming - no explanation, nothing. She lives 5 minutes walk away, can bring the youngest child too. Her boys (the oldest 2 included) all have behaviour problems, but are just sweet lost things really. I was SO upset when I was told she wasn't coming to the play. Her boys need her so much - but it's the youngest ( a girl) who gets all the attention. Luckily, one of our Y1 teachers has her grandma coming to watch, so we are telling the boys that she's coming especially for them. If she wasn't, I'd draft in one of my relatives!!!

OP posts:

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YuleBeLucky · 02/12/2010 19:35

Ok, point taken

Goblinchild · 02/12/2010 19:38

?
Didn't you think that yours was rather a snappy comment that deserved some considered responses?

YuleBeLucky · 02/12/2010 19:40

No I didn't. The thread popped up in my active convos, I read it and I replied with my opinion.

As I said some posts ago, point taken.

wheresmytractor · 02/12/2010 19:43

It can be very distressing. The way some parents talk to their children is disgusting, like the dirt on their shoe. I had a mum this morning saying "thats it, christmas is cancelled!" When her son lost his jumper. Poor little chap just cried and cried. :(

YuleBeLucky · 02/12/2010 19:44

Oh FFS. I am hiding this thread.

PixieOnaLeaf · 02/12/2010 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Goblinchild · 02/12/2010 19:48

Because she jumped to a conclusion having not read the OP carefully and is now pissed off by the rational responses?
Just an opinion, mind.

thebelletolls · 02/12/2010 20:04

In my first year of school I was terrified of everything. Bullied both verbally and physically in the playground and common areas. Kids took my snack every day. I came home bruised sometimes. It was desperate. I was so frightened of putting up my hand in class to go to the toilet, that I wet myself some days during class and was sent home humiliated in plastic pants. At home I'd be scolded for this.

When I was 7, I was sent to a school where there was a wonderful teacher who really cared about me. I couldn't believe it. Years later, I went to a reunion and couldn't wait to see her again. I heard she'd died recently quite young. She made all the difference to me - a candle in the darkness. Please don't give up - you have no idea what difference a good teacher will make.

jugglingjo · 02/12/2010 20:12

As a Mum who's worked in a variety of early years environments (including schools ) over the last twenty years I've had the following thoughts...

It is sad what a negative relationship some parents have with their children.

There are many layers of complexity behind a mother who "can't be bothered" to see her sons in their Christmas Play.

To start with there are issues around why someone would fail to realise that this was an important thing to do.
And where it could be such a good opportunity to help with troubled family relationships.

I guess there are plenty of parents who need more help with the parenting skills of spending quality time with your children, valuing who they are and what they can do.

(Went to see Rob Parsons speak yesterday, and he was pretty good on that type of encouragement ) Reminds me of the picture problem though ( Just look at it for a few moments, mention something positive about it, and don't utter the word "scribble" or "bin" - possibly stick a few favorites up on the wall with blue-tack ... Few years down the line, happy, confident, budding artist !!)

Obviously there could be many circumstances where people might find themselves unable to go, but I'd agree that the language chosen is worrying.

treedelivery · 02/12/2010 20:14

Oh I hear you.

I hear, see, and am exposed to evidence of the very hard lives some children have to live [not a teacher]. Could/have wept, and you are not alone in aching for them.

The reasons for and factors contributing too all these happenings are valid and vital - but they do not magic away the heavy feeling you get for a little one who is really not getting all they could from life. For whatever reason.

treedelivery · 02/12/2010 20:16

Lack of sleep

SunitaofDockgreen · 03/12/2010 10:31

I feel for you. I work as a police officer dealing with children coming to police notice (not just child protection) DH is worried I'll come home one day with some of the children I deal with. The very parents who could do with Parenting classes would fight tooth and nail not to attent them. So sad.
But... I'm the granddaughter of a woman who did want her daughter's. Mum has 4 kids and Aunt has 3. We the children pour love on these women as they did for us. Luck for us, married good men!

SunitaofDockgreen · 03/12/2010 10:31

I mean 2 daughters

AgentProvocateur · 03/12/2010 11:54

I remember a thread on here that was accusing the Scottish Government of wasting money and patronising people by placing adverts on buses etc, telling parents to talk to/read to their children.

The concensus here was that they were teaching their granny to suck eggs.

I'm not a teacher, but I have worked with pre-school children and vulnerable families, and I know that about 20% of them wouldn't know that it was important to support your chldren at school events, or to praise their work or read to them or talk to them.

Perhaps this was due to having been poorly parented themselves or learning difficulties or mental health issues. Whatever - I found it heartbreaking, and I think it's great that teachers, including those on this thread, are making an extra effort with thes children.

zapostrophe · 03/12/2010 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thebelletolls · 03/12/2010 12:36

Zapostrophe - viz acres of artwork: Some i stick on the wall, some i file away and months later with ds approval, we use it as wrapping paper or cut it up to make cards. Creative and eco!

Original poster

Lara2 · 03/12/2010 13:17

I take the points about complex reasons and how some parents just don't know how to parent - another massive debate. I've been part of a project with other local schools in my area and finally the people at county have agreed (what they think we've been telling them for eons, I don't know ) that unless you have the personal, social and emotional development of a child about right, they're just not going to achieve as well as they could/should. They actually said that children only spend 14% of their time with us AND that there are families that make it their business not to be reached under any circumstances. Before this, they had told us that we could overcome any problems that children have outside school, if we only tried hard enough!! How insulted did we feel? But at least they now recognise what we've all been telling them and we can finally start to make a difference hopefully.

I always knew that my area wasn't unique, and it's good to know that there are other teachers out there - and people from other professions and agencies - who feel that the child should always come first. It's what I've always tried to do with my own children and it's certainly what I do at work.

OP posts:

DeckTheIceWithDragonsAndHolly · 03/12/2010 13:17

TBH as it stands i have canceled christmas in this house until ds' behaviour improves. But then again i got kicked in the head at the weekend because of what is happening at school atm. But then again i have also removed him from school until i can speak to the head. Ds has a chance to earn christmas back with behaviour that is more suitable for a house rather then a freestyle fighting ring. And having been removed from school ds is settling down and much calmer.

However, i agree that there are parents out that that have a different approach to parenting and you do feel sorry for the effect of it on the children. It is heart breaking to have to watch. But sometimes comments that seem really harsh to an outsider might be really necessary. for safety, for basic living costs. Someone i know has told her children if they dont look after their coats they wont be getting christmas. but that is down to the fact that she cant really afford christmas anyway and definetly cant if she has to replace the coats. pure economics. Its not new, but it is sad.

DeckTheIceWithDragonsAndHolly · 03/12/2010 13:25

sorry x-posted. argee that mental well being is an essential part for the child to develop properally.

Original poster

Lara2 · 03/12/2010 13:29

DeckTheIceWithDragonsAndHolly - I agree, sometimes decisions that seem harsh are down to pure necessity. It's not the decision itself, it's how it's conveyed to the children. If they're told rationally and sensibly then it's not a problem - I know we'd all like to shield our children from harsh economics, but sometimes it's not possible. Or,as in your case,a big behaviour issue.(I've banned the DS's from parties in the past because of bad behaviour). It's often not what you say, but how you say it.

OP posts:

jugglingjo · 03/12/2010 13:42

zapostrophe -

Sure we can't always keep all artwork forever, but the mistake is to jump from that fact to the situation where child hands you the picture they've just done and you ( not you personally z, obviously ) say to child

"Oh, I can't keep this scribble,it'll have to go in the bin. What's it meant to be anyway ?"

Screws picture up in front of child, pops it in bin on way out.

I've had an idea ( a bit expensive though unfortunately ) that you could give each family a packet of blue-tack at the beginning of the school year, with a friendly note saying how much it means to the children to hear something nice said about their pictures, and to keep at least some of them, and stick the best ones up on a wall somewhere ! WDYT ?

Nuttybear · 03/12/2010 13:55

I don't think it the art work thing. It's the overall impression a child gives you that they are ignored & uncared for at home. I've been caught out with DS finding his art work in the bin when he gone to throw something else out. Now I bury it deeper in the bin.
Lara2 I agree that you don't have to shield kids from money problems at home. I remember not asking for dolly's house furniture (not even the house) at 4 because I knew we didn't have the money but I did know my Mum and Dad loved me to pieces and I was doing my bit for the family by not asking. My Mum still teases me over this as I told her as an adult and threatens to buy me a Doll's house every year!
I don't think it's discipline that's being discussed here but that stinking feeling you get that a child is having a hard time.

Toughasoldboots · 03/12/2010 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

philmassive · 03/12/2010 14:04

OP - I agree with you. It is sad and strange that people won't put themselves out for the pleasure it gives their children. What does it cost a person to go and see their child in a play or concert? They should be glad they have the chance to do so, many people don't.

All the people who say that you can't or shouldn't judge must be a saintly bunch never to pass an opinion on another person.

Original poster

Lara2 · 03/12/2010 14:19

Toughasoldboots - I'm not in Kent. Can't say where but in the South. How sad that I know that the family I'm talking about is so common.

OP posts:

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